the only one who could ever reach me

goddamn

preacherman preacherman he used to live across the street baptist preacher a little fire a little brimstone a little love a lot of faith he had two boys a son mark a son newt when eye was six mark was seven newt was eight we hung out in the neighborhood we climbed trees in the neighborhood we explored houses under construction in the neighborhood we rode our bikes all around the neighborhood the world was ours the world seemed very very small

my appetite for you was never small never my cock was never small never

my daddy in nineteen sixty four my daddy he came home with a nineteen sixty five mustang shiny metallic blue maybe actually really a blue green cruise-o-matic transmission bucket seats black vinyl that got hot hot sticky hot in that south georgia sun sidewalk hot parking lot hot asphalt hot eye thought it the coolest fucking thing my daddy’s new mustang coolest fucking thing in that small small world that held my big big cock

that mustang cooler than jesus

and my daddy he was a sunday school teacher fuck go figure

the only one who could ever reach me yeah fuck you reach me you preach me you teach me yeah you do eye beseech you let us pray now eye lay me down to sleep eye pray the lord my soul to keep if eye should die before eye wake eye pray the lord my soul to take

fuck eye think eye might want to keep my soul might need it later on

eye mean what if god don’t take such good care of it hell he she it ain’t doing such a good job now what if what if not like god be too nice to noah lot abraham job fuck preacherman he had a lot of faith his cup o’ faith it runneth over me eye might say eye lost mine eye might yeah eye might say eye lost mine had eye ever found it to begin with fuck eye found my cock in my pants way back when don’t even remember when found my cock in my pants but eye just gotta imagine it was a

red letter day

goddamn many years later

preacherman he say looking up from the crinkled yellow lined paper he say holding the yellow paper creases down the middle lengthwise several across dog eared at two of the corners he say preacherman he rattled the page a little bit he say

i can’t say this in church

eye say a tear running down my cheek standing in my uncle ben’s kitchen eye say why not she was my momma he say preacherman he say i can’t say this in the house of god i can’t eye say eye can’t look at him eye kick at the cat the cat that is in heat trying to shove its red hot ass onto the point of my shoe eye think goddamn crackers can’t even spay their goddamn cat eye wonder what happened to newt and mark but eye say eye ain’t asking you to say it just fucking read it preacherman he say i’m sorry eye say

baby baby your cunt is my priest your cunt is my jesus your cunt is my cross to bear eye carry it up the hill to calgary your cunt is all eye need to know that there is an afterlife the only one who could ever reach me

the only one who could ever teach me sing me a sonnet let my soul soar

stingray bike banana seat tiger skin print eye was ruler of all eye could see pedal pedal pedal up that hill yertle the fucking turtle park it beneath little stevie gornto’s treehouse eye could hear sweet vivian’s violet voice she screamed eye scrambled up the ladder there was little stevie there was sweet viv stevie seven she six like me she in my first grade class she with red cheeks puffy eyes a single tear

i can’t say this in church

she say viv she say shaking she say stay away from me she points at little stevie he grins that yellow rat bastard grin viv she taught me that song you know that song line broke monkey got choked they all went to heaven on a little row boat she taught me that song on the school bus the other day we laughed and we laughed and we laughed and now she cries and little stevie he grins sweet viv she say

don’t touch me

little stevie he says hey phatmike grab her i’m gonna take her pants off me eye don’t say nothing eye don’t move he rushes toward her she scrambles screaming down the ladder little stevie sings seven year old obscenities about pussy and peters where the fuck did he learn that

i can’t sing that in church jesus he might get offended jesus he had roman soldiers laugh at him stick spears sadistically into his side scream for us jesus his kingdom cum all over his holy face spread his love spread his seed goddamn jesus don’t give a fuck about us he got his own concerns spears swords scars fuck it all

baby baby your cunt is my priest your cunt is my jesus your cunt is my cross to bear eye carry it up the hill to calgary your cunt is all eye need to know that there is an afterlife the only one who could ever reach me

the only one who could ever teach me sing me a sonnet let my soul soar

preacherman preacherman summer nineteen sixty five preacherman he took me around that summer me mark newt we rode around that summer we hopped in the back of the car an old valiant station wagon stacked with preacher books preacher accoutrements preacher robes preacher bulletins preacher collection plates tent revival season in south georgia preacherman he be a circuit preacher he ride around spreading the word of god spreading the gospels mattew mark luke john thomas mary martin malcolm lester maddox herman talmadge richard millhouse george dubya pussy galore huckleberry hound quickdraw mcgraw yogi bear fred flinstone

maynard see krebbs

just fucking read it preacherman the gospel of saint phatman

we laughed over devils
cried over fallen angels

drove all over south georgia late evening sun big white tent set up out behind the church behind the world as we knew it small small world me mark newt we scrambled out the car scrambled into our world preacherman wife clipped on our ties told us to stay out of the dirt mud clay puddles ponds pussy pink in all its glorious mary magdalene mellifluous movement

baby baby bump it pump it

me mark newt we claimed reclaimed our world at every stop we carried some boxes from car to tent we drank coca colas in the little seven ounce bottles sitting in the red metal coca cola cooler packed with ice packed with eyes the same ice sitting under the big oak tree in thick brown bags ready to pour around the ice cream churns they tried to talk us into turning the crank we declined we knew that was real fucking work we let the local goody goody gumdrop girls and boys do the hard work they needed to show us how religious how pious they doing their part of the lord’s work fuck

me mark newt

well let’s just say that mark newt born pea kay’s eye adopted their approach hey they were my best friends we ruled our small small world with our big big cocks let’s just say that we didn’t think the lord’s work paid too well the lord’s work seemed to be more like a mortgage that paid off way down the road a slow slow drip of honey from the comb when we were guzzling ice cold coca colas yeah dig the

immediate gratification overcoming distant goals

the evening festivities began with the slow creep of the local townfolks the local farmers the local mill workers mostly white folks sometimes a smattering of coloreds blacks seminoles they actually believed god was colorblind shit

there ain’t no guarantee baby  

eye say kicking the cat hard so that it banged up against the kitchen cabinet eye say nothing hell eye just shrug preacherman he with that smile of the patriarch is it also his autumn hey general how goes the vigor of your stream eye wish you well preacherman he say tight smile he say this way it’s the best way

fuck goddamn piss shit cocksucker motherfucker bastard child of satan

just a month earlier my granddaddy he died too my momma she on her deathbed my granddaddy he died first lucky him talking to my grandmamma she saying sobbing saying singing sermon praises the good reverend gave a little we’re all going to hell kind of talk the good reverend holding the good book in his left hand pointing at all of us sinners in the congregation the good reverend he tells us we’re all going to hell unless we accept jesus christ unless we get down on our knees accept jesus christ fuck

homey he don’t play that game

cocksucker eye know he didn’t even know my granddaddy my granddaddy when he went to church on sunday morning it involved sliding his bass hunter boat into the walter eff george reservoir baiting his hook catching himself a four pound chunk of jesus himself jesus with a little fight give jesus a little line crank him in give jesus a little line crank him in over and over til love landed on the floor of the boat flopping about like a congregant on the floor mumbling in tongue

my granddaddy he don’t play that game

talking to my grandmamma that afternoon she in her church social opposite of easter finest her community milling about little whitebread sandwiches with the crusts carefully cut removed iced tea fried chicken potato salad green beans boiled beyond recognition big chunk o’ bacon boiled alongside watermelon banana pudding chess pie the cousins uncles off to the side drinking jim beam talking to my grandmamma in the august afternoon sun sweat on my upper lip back of my neck staining my white shirt beneath my armpits even the fucking dog is sweating eye say eye tell her eye’m sorry grandmamma but ain’t no way that cocksucker going to preach over my momma when she dies

ain’t no way

big white dirty faded white canvas tent people from all around come streaming in the late afternoon august sun come streaming in with them sunday shoes scuffling along on the dirt and dead grass floor me mark newt we hand out bulletins the local deacons get everyone seated preacherman he assumed the position sitting in the chair of honor the head deacon the big dick himself stands gives a few welcoming words whipping up the enthusiasm we are so blessed we are so thankful for this time together the lord he do present himself in all his glory ah men thank you lord thank you jesus may the spirit be with you a roaring chorus of bringing in the sheaves we shall come rejoicing

eye tell my grandmamma ain’t no way that cocksucker going to be preaching over my momma we best be getting a new preacherman we best be getting a preacherman who knows god because eye know god don’t give a shit eye know god ain’t worth fearing eye know eye will not fall down and worship eye will not get on my knees eye will not place that bread on my tongue eye will not drink of his blood eye will take his name in vain eye will spit on his name eye will chew his name up shit it out the next day ain’t no decent god let that happen to my momma

jesus fuck jesus

baby baby your cunt is my priest your cunt is my jesus your cunt is my cross to bear eye carry it up the hill to calgary your cunt is all eye need to know that there is an afterlife the only one who could ever reach me

the only one who could ever teach me sing me a sonnet let my soul soar

fuck preacherman why couldn’t he why couldn’t god why couldn’t he just let my mom go why did he let her linger the only thing that should linger is my love come on girlfriend let’s linger you do linger on my fingers eye smell you today eye smell you tomorrow give me love give me rockets fuck preacherman why just tell me why he say

i can’t say that in church

little stevie he says hey mikey grab her i’m gonna take her pants off me eye don’t say nothing eye don’t move he rushes toward her she scrambles screaming down the ladder little stevie sings seven year old obscenities about pussy and peters where the fuck did he learn that

i can’t sing that in church jesus he might get offended jesus he had roman soldiers laugh at him stick spears sadistically into his side scream for us jesus his kingdom cum all over his holy face spread his love spread his seed goddamn jesus don’t give a fuck about us he got his own concerns spears swords scars fuck it all

baby baby your cunt is my jesus your cunt is my priest your cunt is my cross to bear eye carry it up the hill to calgary your cunt is all eye need to know that there is an afterlife the only one who could ever reach me

the only one who could ever teach me sing me a sonnet let my soul soar

me mark newt we sit up front off to the right we play tic tac toe in the white spaces on the backs of the bulletins we get up in the middle of the service to help pass out the collection plates we help pass out the mimeographed song sheets the local biddy with the big ass and too tight dress plays the portable pump organ we shoot spit balls through paper straws we got from the soda fountain back in town little soggy bullets rest in the biddy’s beehive

mark newt they be pea kay’s me eye’m just one of the gang

preacherman he talked oh he talked he talked of hard times he talked of retribution he talked of sin he talked of sacrifice he talked of terrible times of pestilence and disease and the taking of first borns as proof of god’s might

god almighty fuck

what kind of god would do what god did to job
what kind of god would do what god did to noah
what kind of god would do what god did to the egyptians
what kind of god would do what god did to lot and his wife
what kind of god would ask abraham to kill his only son
what kind of god would kill his own only son
what kind of god would do that to my momma

send in the clowns motherfucker

preacherman he talked and talked and talked and at the end some people several people good god fearing people white people they came up preacherman he put his hand on their shoulders he put his hand on their heads he said a prayer for healing he said

devil be gone body be healed

preacherman he say i can’t say that in church jesus he might get offended jesus he had roman soldiers laugh at him stick spears sadistically into his side scream for us jesus his kingdom cum all over his holy face spread his love spread his seed goddamn jesus don’t give a fuck about us he got his own concerns spears swords scars fuck it all

baby baby your cunt is my jesus your cunt is my priest your cunt is my cross to bear eye carry it up the hill to calgary your cunt is all eye need to know that there is an afterlife the only one who could ever reach me

the only one who could ever teach me sing me a sonnet let my soul soar

just fucking read it preacherman the gospel of saint phatman

we laughed over devils
cried over fallen angels
and only you and eye know for sure

devil be gone body be healed

big potluck dinner after the service the preacherman he disappeared into the house with the deacons and the collection plates comes out later with a stuffed manila envelope tucked under his arm stands atop the steps leading down into the yard takes it all in grins smiles waves at preacherman wife walks slowly down the steps he’s handed a plate piled precariously with mashed potatoes okra field peas cornbread fried chicken

pussy be proud

devil be gone body be healed

well
i can remember
crying
over fallen angels
and i vaguely recall
laughing
with devils
at times
and the laughter
comes easily
and the laughter
is invented
and the tears
flow
and the tears
are choked
and
you know
it’s something
that only
you and i
know
for sure

my momma she died preacherman he preached jesus he grinned faith a funny thing fried chicken hot august nights preacher’s kids the only one who could ever reach me and all that

 

 

ode to a banana pudding

goddamn goddamn sitting up in my room way up above the river hell eye don’t even know the name the fucking river way up above the river in my hotel room twenty nine floors of concrete the jay man he say it was built by the incans as a gift to the aztecs as a gift of respect and in payment for one thousand young virgins both boys and girls way up above twenty nine floors which allows a person to see most of south texas hell more than a person really wants or needs to see hell of a lot more

sitting up in my room

relaxing just feeling good had a good day sitting in a big old conference room talking bits of this bits of that hey baby it’s only television hey sugar it’s only tee vee moving pictures in full living color sweet mary joseph jesus and that sweet mary magdalene she got that holy pussy that been fucked by god pussy you know it’s sweet and generous and giving and probably just sparkling

like a chilled ginger ale on an august afternoon

kicking back had dinner with the boys a victory sit down of sorts they shooting tequila drinking margaritas throwing back beers hanging at the la tuna cutting farts cutting jokes cutting the rug of bottle caps that served as the ground cover beneath the big trees eye’m guessing oak sat outside eating blackened fish tacos and bowl after bowl of chips until eye’m gonna throw up

but eye don’t because in my youth eye was a professional eater

we hang around the firepit with the others locals mostly couple of bubbas couple of redneck hippies couple of southern artistas everywhere you go you find them hipper than thou eye tried to be one once but eye cut myself on my attitude sliced off part of myself thin slice like a paper cut like prosciutto hang around the firepit kissing life sucking down sweet smelling evening air

pile into a cab all six of us the jay man he say hey how about once around the alamo and we do a slow spin the jay man tells the story of hans solo leading the brave white boy cowboys against thousands of brown skins led by general carlos santana como va baby hans being captured crucified in the plaza on the third day he was channeled by joseph smith but that became another story and we’re past the alamo pulling into the hotel the jay man wants to take fearless leader to a strip club eye slide out need to escape to my room eye’m done

but yet to be baked

shake me baby bake me take me to the river tell me drunken tales of you propped up on the barstool in your youth tell me sordid tales tell me how you’ve learned the moves you do tell me how you fuck me so tell me stories of me sliding my voice to your cunt you perched up above on your barstool naked as a jaybird luscious as banana pudding goddamn

eye slide into my room turn on the tee vee load up a bowl fire it up fire it down and again and hell why not one more pick up the room service menu didn’t you just eat yeah fuck it eye’m buzzed baked order up a bowl of berries pot of chamomile tea cuz eye’m good that way yeah throw in a banana pudding while you’re at it

because yeah baby you’re on my mind

tune into a little law and order a little tee vee meatloaf  a little violence to get me through another day knock on the door eye get up noticing the printed notice on the desk saying this is a non smoking hotel if we find out that your honky ass been smoking up this fine mormon establishment we’ll add another two hundred and fifty fucking dollars to your motherfucking bill god bless your sorry soul knock comes again eye say coming yo coming sweep the dope off the desk wave away the smoke open the door to the big mustachioed man with the uplifted silver tray complete with mini vase and single rose bud

sometimes eye simply seduce myself

kick back in the faux herman miller chair feet up on the desk banana pudding sitting balanced neatly on my lap spoon poised a nice room service sized dollop of pudding floating in the gentle caress of crumbled vanilla wafers in a large martini glass crispy whole vanilla wafers circling the glass dipping just below the rim of the pudding like the toes of children at the edge of the water a sliver of a banana chip sitting atop wedged sweetly into the rounded peak a gentle topping of whipped cream maybe a teaspoon maybe more

who needs the fucking berries

eye have pussy in a glass resting in my hand the spoon dipping just a tip just a taste goddamn another teasing myself before eye know it eye’m shoveling spoon after spoon licking the glass desperately my lips face dabbled with pudding and cream goddamn eye’m done before eye even start

a sip of tea a breath another again slow it down

breathe

eye could use a cigarette that tasted so good but eye’m in a non smoking room eye light a bowl instead it ain’t exactly smoking it’s more like chillin’ it’s more like hangin’in the moonlight everybody we’re dancing in the moonlight it’s such a fine and natural sight eye close my eyes half way eye slide lower in the chair turn up the volume the simpsons become seinfeld hey eye made through another day

odes pudding barstools and all that

on the road

again

short trip down to texas tejas way down south not brownsville south but south enough easy on easy off rifle shot in on a mini fucking jet eye think my kid had this in his hot wheels set way back when started off the usual way the morning that is long Monday morning call with the team rah rah sis boom bah you got the money honey eye got the time show me the money honey tell me tell me lies and dreams is everybody

happy

let’s all go out and kick ass take names kiss ‘em after you fuck ‘em y’all be careful out there y’hear hang up the phone rush around pack call yellow cab number tattooed on the inside of my forehead been dialing it for twenty five years hey eye’m a creature of habit step out back to smoke a pre-flight bowl beautiful morning the tulips bloomed there’s a notable absence of dogshit sometimes eye think eye pick it up in my sleep the cherry tree pink blossoms against blue sky not so bad for an ignorant redneck living in the city

taking a moment to breathe

before getting on with the week heading to texas tejas don’t you know leaving on a jet plane don’t know if eye’ll get back again madness abounds both sides of the portal on saturday

all sorts of craziness

hung with the attorney dude the neighbor dude a little while he's my neighbor he's my bud he's my attorney he's kind of stuck in the fifties but he wears cool hats sometimes eye try to hang with him hat for hat but it’s no comparison eye’m in the farm leagues he’s a pro he's had a hard year or two story we’re all familiar with he falls in love he marries his love his love falls in love with another woman story for the ages decides that she wants to be with women and not men she exits stage left attorney dude takes it very hard eye mean

so me and attorney dude neighbor dude we went out for a couple of cheese steaks oh yeah forgot spent the lunchtime hour at the emergency room yeah forgot seems neighbor dude's kid he gets mad at neighbor dude hey he’s sixteen kids that age if they ain’t getting angry what the fuck kid gets mad slams his door shut it's one of these old houses with pane glass doors he slams his door shut decides to slam his fist into one of the windows cuts a fucking artery spurts blood all over the room until it looks like he killed a hooker with a machete neighbor dude races him to the hospital eye pick up his daughter at temple bring her to the e-room he's okay they had to do some sort of emergency micro surgery to close two big veins and then stitch him up so me attorney dude neighbor dude  we're standing out on his front porch overlooking fulton street he's kind of mayor of fulton street with his porch up high like that we're hanging out smoking a bowl or three just having grunted on good philly cheese steaks yeah i know not exactly wholesome food but baby with the hot peppers and the sweet peppers they’re like health food so we're standing out there watching the folks walking along sometimes it surprises me how much saturday night foot traffic there is in the hood not like not like north beach or down in the mini white marina boy french quarter of town on polk street but you know busier than mayberry so we're hanging out on his porch and attorney dude neighbor dude he says he's telling me he ain't seeing many women he ain't that interested women sex just ain't doing it for him right now he's about to go on one of his infamous emotional rants where i end up hugging him telling him it's all going to be all right but then he stops looks up at the killer fucking full moon sitting up above the you ess eff cathedral up on top of the hill kind of a gothic visual you know he reflects grins and says

you know life's a bitch when your ex-wife is eating more pussy than you are

and he grins wider big old white teeth shining out from his prison pussy goatee and eye grin and laugh and he laughs and don't you know sometimes even for malcontents like attorney dude neighbor dude who can and often does find misery beneath every stone turned even for him sometimes there is just a moment of hey life ain't so bad there's a little humor there's a little joy out there if you just let it come around

so it’s monday and eye think might as well get righteous with the world again let the little bit of joy come on around get righteous with the world an important act to do any morning but eye always like to get right before flying though it flying that is it being such an

unnatural act

one could almost say unholy kind of like fucking your pet goat in the dark in the back in the corner of the barn where the hay still smells dank yes unholy it’s important then that balance gotta stay equal don’t you know sister equal with the elements cab pulls up front honks we head south on nineteenth avenue my mind heads in other directions wanders through the woods goes off trail leaves the map daydreams explode with surround sound sense around love abounds there you are naked in my arms tongue to cunt teeth to nipple cock to mouth cabbie he says what airline you dissolve leaving me with a backseat hardon no place to take it but

texas

goddamn love and rockets and cum and blue sky yah eye’m flying united sugar gum drop cabbie drops me off eye tip him appropriately eye tip him well pop into the one kay line membership has it’s privileges line up for security pucker my asshole get it ready for the long probe eye loathe these cocksuckers and their white shirts and their yellow badges our own little scrubbed up version of the gestapo barely high school educated got the brains god gave a donut hole got dick cheney’s dick shoved up their ass along with a big side of holier than thou arrogance eye feel humiliated every fucking time eye go through about fifty sixty seventy times a year how long will it take for us to build up such a mass humiliation that eventually we burst explode the outrage smothering the complacency how long

fuck eye feel safer

walk on through to the other side sit down for coffee the jay man calls we start to babble the plane starts to board eye get up still on the phone hand the dude my ticket get on the plane hang up the phone remember that eye left my bag back at the café run off the plane grab my dope laden bag as a guy with a walkie talkie walks around it eye shrug head back on the plane the ticket dude shakes his head eye shake my bootie wink and blow him a kiss

fuck eye feel safer

san antonio bursts through the light clouds mini fucking jet lands we survive we thrive a marriott is a marriott no matter where you go love is the same way book of mormon by the bed just in case take a long run through the streets around the alamodome winding through some old neighborhoods down along the river around the alamo itself walled fortress of freedom

blood bullets bullshit and davy crockett

through the parking lot slow down take it down a notch fire up my one hitter hey it ain’t a proper run unless we get a little balance level off the adrenalin flow good for the heart don’t you know long hot shower soap it up think about you oh baby it do get hard backseat daydreams return replay rejoice love and rockets

take a walk over to the alamo sun sunk low over the horizon this is texas ain’t nothing but horizon it’s the twiggy of the world don’t you know sitting outside in the plaza warm breeze sliding through sitting outside smoking a cigarette like a good redneck should meditating on this symbol of freedom where the incumbent government crushed an uprising of insurgents sort of like the bee ay tea burning out david koresh in waco sort of like the ell ay poe lease burning out the ess ell ay the symbionese and tanya sort of like the you ess army crushing noriega’s hoodlums in panama city by playing metallica oh wait a minute that’s right noriega was the incumbent government

sitting outside in the plaza meditating on freedom this fat maybe phat dude comes walking by maybe phat eye got my doubts ain’t doubt about the fat part you know the jelly fat the fat by cornbread bacon drippings banana pudding fried peach pie fried okra fried shoe leather fried boiled green beans that shake a puddin’ fat wearing a leather harley vest his bald zee zee top beard wearing head topped by a johnny reb cap he’s walking a puffy little dog that would better serve mankind with a broomstick up its ass and a job dusting ceiling fans goddamn the further pussification of the south next thing you know they’ll be voting democrat down here in god’s country

the world it turns upside down inside out every day

baby you turn my world upside down inside out you are my madness you are my fortress of freedom you are my own personal insurgency you are

smoke a bowl head to dinner eat three hundred bowls of chips while falling in love with a group of young mennonite women eye will have night time masturbation sessions fantasizing about removing their white white panties eye hear they wear seven pair it will be like the dance of the seven veils removing one pair slowly delicately savoring each pair taking time to take in the aroma to feel the vibe of anticipation emanating from those virginal thighs touched only by jesus one pair at a time one pair

goddamn

jesus gets all the good pussy

walk back to the hotel along the river the riverwalk like a disney river only different because we’re in texas tejas san antonio sal she so sultry she seduces me everytime every single time the world it turns upside down inside out every day

love and rockets and texas and all that

love is so fucked up love you fuck me up fuck me down

one room two room red room blue room give me a saw give me a sledge break down the walls leave no edge fuck these rooms these little compartments these cardboard boxes with the little white styrofoam peanuts these lockers all neatly locked up baby

eye am your white knight in shining armor eye am your prince of darkness here to steal your cunt eye’m your lone ranger with his silver bullets eye am your billy the kid gunned down without my boots on eye am your galileo illuminating the stars and moon for you eye am the holy catholic church excommunicating your soul eye am jesus himself eat my cock it is of my flesh taste my kiss it is of my blood eye am pontious fucking pilate eye relax as eye crucify your heart

eye am seldom what you need but eye am always what you want

darlin’ darlin’ don’t you know eye fuck you fabulous darlin’ darlin’ don’t you know you fuck me famished feed me girlfriend feed me

private eyes private lines standing in line a line that is a path within a maze comprising little chrome poles connected together strung together by long swaths of seat belt like black ribbon winding through doing the mental check one two three going down the list pockets free and clear of change keys pocket knife glock nine machete bowie knife eye slide my cigarette lighter into my back pocket little mini bic metal detector always fails to detect dope packed in an air tight plastic tube acquired very legally totally within the realm of the law on height street mine is blue keep the tube in my pocket

hey it’s plastic

keep it close to my person closer to my cock closer my god to thee glass one hitter in my briefcase regulate my breathing wind on through take off my shoes coat laptop out eye got this down to a science eye can do it in my sleep eyeball mister tea ess ay with his buzz cut broad shoulders white teeth white shirt nice starched shirt with fancy patch representing that agency that secures my homeland eye hate him on principal and eye don’t even know his momma hell eye might have fucked him momma this baby faced kid ain’t even shaving yet he’s our first line of defense against

terrorism

and all sorts of terrible terror related stuff eye smile grin say hey how goes it he checks my boarding pass he checks my eye dee eye grin eye smile eye say thanks for the terrific job you boys are doing over there over here

eye cross my fingers

eye feel so fucking safe private eyes private lies one room two room red room blue room give me a saw give me a sledge break down the walls leave no edge fuck these rooms these little compartments these cardboard boxes with the little white styrofoam peanuts these lockers all neatly locked up baby

eye am your brain eye am your brain on dope why do you think they call me dope eye am your meat eye am your potato eye am your gun eye am your butter eye am your cock eye am your cunt eye am your yin eye am your yang eye am your pop eye am your sicle

private eyes private lies sitting one the edge of the world sitting around the business round table dude’s about to sign my deal big thick contract sitting in front of him pile of wherefores heretofores insomuchthats hithertos indemnifications liabilities force de majeurs lollipops candycanes gum drops puppy dog tails snails baby ducks pickup trucks trains prisons mommas poppas sisters brothers

cousins

fuck your cousins before they fuck you

private eyes private lies sitting on the edge of the world sitting around the table cocksucker has a pile of contract sitting before him sign it here sign it here sign it sign it let me make you a deal you can’t refuse let me let me he sits there pen in hand me in my armani in my fluevogs open shirt little silver necklace fuck me stamped with love

girlfriend she treat me so well

private eyes private lies he looks up he makes some comment about fucking government regulation about fucking welfare mothers about fucking food stamps about fucking immigrants here taking away good jobs from good americans about killing the sand niggers in eye rack eye close my ears eye close my heart eye close my mind just give me the money just sign the fucking contract so that eye can go outside turn the corner throw up all over my shiny black shoes private eyes private lies eye can rationalize any deal

eye am moral teflon

love is so fucked up love you fuck me up fuck me down

fuck me all around

eye am your first fuck eye am your last fuck eye fuck you good eye fuck you right eye fuck you righteous

eye am your sun eye am your moon eye am your storm clouds eye am your clear still day eye am your blue sky eye am the darkness in your heart eye am your greed eye am your generosity

eye am your house afire

private eyes private lies one room two room red room blue room give me a saw give me a sledge break down the walls leave no edge fuck these rooms these little compartments these cardboard boxes with the little white styrofoam peanuts these lockers all neatly locked up baby

private eyes private lies oh baby eye hate having you leaving you talking to you in that room with no windows with nothing but last year’s people magazine stale potato chips in the vending machine cold burnt coffee mister gorbachev tear down that wall eye want to tell you everything eye want to write my soul on the inside of your thigh with my indelible marker let me diagram my life sentence beneath your breasts print my prose round your navel in a wide wide spiral spiraling twirling swirling sugar sugar like cotton candy spinning pink blue pastel melt in your mouth not in your hand goddamn

breathe baby breathe

twist my words twist my spine sister twister left hand yellow right foot red goddamn

eye will step outside eye will step back in eye ain’t leaving eye ain’t ever leaving eye am home baby let me in eye am your house afire

private eyes private lies and all that