never really lived by myself lived with my momma lived with my daddy first eighteen years of my life born in georgia moved to virginia moved to arkansas moved to georgia my brother born in georgia never lived by myself we was the happy family yeah eye went to camp went and lived with my cousins in cuthbert for the summer many summers fucked up summers never lived by myself had a roommate in college all four years some years more than one had several lived in a

big old house

on ponce de leon right across the street from plaza drugs and the plaza theater where eye saw my first pornographic film on the big screen goddamn such huge tits ten foot tall tits one block up from the majestic diner her majesties never ate there before midnight never ate there after noon on ponce de leon my junior year six of us in this big old house six bedrooms three bathrooms three kitchens devo art work on the wall you know the usual

tire iron through white staircase

having been one of my favorites that and pool cue through picture frame in dining room had a dirt basement that probably encased generations of dead bodies midtown atlanta eye fucked that wild canadian girl all over that house eye had an upstairs bedroom eye fucked her on the stairs a couple of times she be on her knees me standing a couple stairs below leverage baby hand to hip tug tug tug stella yeah

she used to hang out

at the house not with me she wasn’t into me right then she hung with the kay man he had kind of dropped out of school kind of spent his tuition money on a bad drug deal what the fuck told him he needed to sell more than he smoked stella hung with kay man she broke his heart too she broke my heart but much later eye broke her heart seems like we could say hey fuck it

eye guess we’re even

but we’re not even we just fucked each other did we cross the rubicon did we drown in the effort never lived by myself senior year eye lived with the future investment banker eye lived with him freshman sophomore year too we sold drugs together freshman sophomore year mostly weed some hashish a little coke eye quit sophomore year  when the future investment banker brought in a quarter pound of coke scared the shit out of me fuck eye quit he didn’t senior year we lived with golden boy he dated a gymnast that year eye remember he smiled a lot the future investment banker he smiled a lot but that was before the federal express man brought a package to him to future investment banker thing is the federal express man he delivered ten thousand quaaludes to the apartment thing is the federal express man wasn’t really a federal express man turns out he was a dekalb county deputy sheriff they the good deputy and his posse they burst into the apartment swarmed in weapons drawn threw the future investment banker threw golden boy threw me up against the hallway wall they stuck big guns in our necks golden boy he had the ramones playing on the stereo

loud really fucking loud

they the dekalb county posse they all said in this right out of some cheap gay porn movie voice deep and husky they said

freeze

we said be cool we said oh kay the future investment banker he got arrested they dragged me and golden boy down to the station house to the hoosegow there it is sister look it up under aitch they dragged us down there for good measure spent the night in the drunk tank eye had a pack of cigarettes

eye was quite popular

one dude kept trying to pass off little packets of coke here man here it’s yours free take it go on take it thing is a lot of people took it not me eye was young white tender and scared long story short everything turned out oh kay in the end we were just stupid white college kids what the fuck eye moved in with lurker for a couple four weeks let the heat cool off end of senior year golden boy and me were supposed to move into this house then it fell through we had no place to live so eye moved in with stella

yeah eye forgot to mention me and stella we started hanging out end of senior year we fell in love eye wrote her love poems eye wrote her love stories the first one eye called pete and zelda eye wrote it the morning after the first time we ever fucked which was the first night we had really ever gone out we got drunk we danced we got sweaty we fucked she woke up scared kicked me out of the house eye wrote the pete and zelda story because eye had fallen in love with her

it was our first date

eye called it pete and zelda eye don’t know why seemed the thing to do she stole my heart eye moved in a month later supposed to be just for a week or two stella she had a roommate gomar just a temporary thing just until eye could find another place thing is

eye never moved out

years and years and years still never lived by myself traveled a lot spent a lot of nights lonely nights in a hotel room by myself not the same though always knew that was bracketed start date stop date knew eye was going home just one of those in between places now though now well things are kind of in a flux things are in motion toward parts unknown eye’m kind of living by myself now got my own place

it’s lonely

don’t know what eye’m gonna do might find myself some girlfriend might find myself a boyfriend might find myself staring into a half empty cup of coffee waiting for it to be half full might just go out get myself a hair cut get myself some naan and curry never lived by myself before might be kind of cool right now it sort of sucks maybe it will get better been too busy to really think about it been too busy to even pay attention once eye slow down take a nap get a little sleep eye’m gonna think about it eye’m gonna take some time

think about things

never really lived by myself before and all that

ah shit eye been around ain’t had the time to think about tomorrow ain’t had time for much more than dirty thoughts about whomever happens to wiggle in front of me as eye stroll yeah stroll eye ain’t doing the oh jay across the airport for no flight no more hell eye won’t even take a redeye fuck that nonsense ain’t had time to properly diagram a sentence construct a thought develop a concept sharpen my pencil hell eye ain’t even had the time to take a proper shit eye been to vegas eye been to san antonio eye been to austin eye been to new york new york eye been to houston eye been to hell in a hand basket riding back to the airport in houston today cabbie he says which airport eye said cocksucker international he took me to george bush intercontinental fuck he knew fuck

we all know 

had to go to vegas consumer electronic show baby tee vee tee vee everywhere not a drop to drink decided late to go no hotel rooms around no room at the inn ended up at the lovely barbary coast hole in the wall hotel eye’m sure once upon a time it represented the best of the best that this sandy sphincter of the desert had to offer my room carried a distinct aroma not quite a stench but it kind of smelled in that oh baby it smelled remember the last time you sat in the back seat of an old cab with the cherry pine scented tree air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror smell that puts me into a nineteen seventy two lysol commercial the lady walks into her friend’s home lovely suburban home at that big green lawns that hubby gets up early on saturday morning gets the old red comet riding lawn mower zoom zoom zooming cuts trims rakes lady walks into to her neighbor’s home her best friend’s home where she has spent every wednesday night for the last eight years except for august they take off in august spent every wednesday night playing canasta she thinks to herself we know she’s thinking this not saying it because there is sound but her lips don’t move she thinks oh my marge’s place is so clean but it smells like pine trees what is she covering up eye’m thinking at the barbary coast hotel conveniently located next to the flamingo hilton bugsy’s place eye do believe eye’m thinking some cocksucker died of an overdose while partying with a cheap street hooker who panics leaves him there with the do not disturb hanger on the doorknob right out of see ess fucking eye they find him three days later ain’t enough cherry scented pine sol in the world you can soak into that shag carpet along with countless bottles of stale cigarette butt laden beer two day old flat sticky rum and cokes vinegary red wine bong water after shave cheap champagne flowery scented douche whatever happened to hey if it smells like fish do what you wish eye gotta tell you that pussy smell like lilac eye’m fucking running for the penicillin bottle goddamn better smoke a bowl cover up the cover up 

we all know

is there why hide it wander down to the venetian meet up with comrades of the trade industry captains perhaps fucking corporals standing in the elevator of the venetian unlit cigarette in my hand twirling it like a baton stroking it like my cock spinning it around knuckle round knuckle round knuckle bright shiny doors the venetian ah venice eye never met ye eye guess eye never will eye mean why should eye eye’ve been to vegas eye guess eye never need to go time to scratch you off my list standing in the elevator doors closing guy holding a drink walks right in doors wham clam up on him doors pop open dude falls back stumbles a bit recovers re-enters the chamber says 

fuck this town’s been kicking my ass all night

three days later he arose from the dead ascended into heaven sat at the right hand side of the lord god on high meanwhile during my travels sometimes between vegas and houston they eye guess that really be we they cut off the motherfucker’s head you know saddam’s mother’s brother’s son’s great uncle omar’s niece’s cousin they fucking 

put a rope round his throat he and his buddy some other sunni cocksucker aa rabbit dropped him dropped them both through a trapdoor snapped his neck line broke monkey got choked they all went to heaven in a little row boat the rope nothing but a fucking geek biting the head off his chicken cocksucker’s head rolled around in the dirt blood and dust his body smack whack on the ground dude’s named barzan one of saddam’s somehow eye believe a reckoning is upon us the hangman’s noose only a bit more civilized or is it than the guillotine robespierre he’d be so fucking proud don’t you know let’s face it sugar if we kill those whom we have conquered we reduce our chances of our reasoning our rationale ever being wrong

god bless america eye feel safe 

safe enough to get back on the plane head down to san antonio that’s in texas deep in the heart of texas my san antonio rose the yellow rose of texas is the only girl for me ah hell texas ain’t so bad wasn’t for them fucking texans running around digging holes in the ground everywhere here’s a rumor eye’m starting eye had a business trip to dallas texas back in nineteen eighty six dallas texas eye swear on a stack of bibles eye saw george dubya in a gay bar in fort worth wearing nothing but chaps he had a little stream of cum dripping down his chin

but he looked happy 

and eye was happy for him eye long for those days when eye could drink all night fuck all night eat pussy all night generally commit debauchery all night long oh kay oh kay yes it was my cum that was dripping down dubya’s chin

but he looked happy 

san antonio eye feel so self importantly hip sitting in the san antonio airport starbucks with its oh let’s bring chic hip hep to the masses listening to james taylor reborn old folksy and hip so fucking new age funky folksy sixties arisen from the ashes from the fire fuck me jesus eye can buy a coffee and a muffin hey new and improved no transfats eye’m sorry we didn’t think you’d notice before and eye can buy the very same james taylor songs complete on cee dee  coffee and james and frappucino fuck eye am so goddamn hip so fucking cool 

eye bet eye can suck my own cock

jealous eye know you are ain’t nothing wrong with that nothing wrong with that at all

sometimes a man just don’t need nobody else sometimes a man just got to go it alone god given talent sucking my own cock george dubya he understands he goes it alone he don’t listen to nobody but the big man upstairs who of course had granted george in return for such loyalty has anointed george the decider has given him life and death power fuck that is so much cooler than sucking my own cock 

yeah george is texas crawford texas me eye’m in san antonio texas south texas

chica she explained she say we they she can’t make up her mind she’s a boston girl no she’s an ell aa girl no she’s a texas girl deep in the heart of texas not quite the yellow rose but she’s cute nonetheless 

sitting in her truck eating a dope filled brownie hey you want one nah girl eye’m good hell it’s late eye got a meeting tomorrow just what eye need sitting around the conference table from some big fat not phat texan
with a plate of donuts in front of him

what yall gonna eat yall hungry 

he laughs big belly laugh six point three richter bucket of lard shaking shaking yeah look here on the way to work this morning shot me a bunch of donuts pulled out my pistol shot me a hole right in ever one of them look here yeah he laughs at his own joke until he chokes on the wads of fried dough stuck in his jowls tucked away just in case he gets hungry on his walk back down the hall to his office

chica she explained sitting in her truck little camper on back she be such a redneck wannabe chica her cute little cleavage sitting right there all neatly tucked up there beneath my eyeballs where else was eye supposed to look eye just wanted to reach over touch ‘em just play with them a little eye hear them whispering to me they be saying come on over red rover come over and play with us we just want to breathe eye can’t help myself just the way eye am just the way eye need to be 

she be so tiny blonde and cute

eye’m just trying to be helpful chica explained way back when back in the day they called them ice houses stored up big blocks of ice covered with straw burlap bags the butts of dem big ol’ boys sitting on the cool stool cooling off warding off the curse of the south texas sun something god himself cast down upon them like he was throwing buckets of it out the back door not giving a shit where it fell back in the day they called them ice houses 

now they’re open bars same old shack ice seems to be in the cooler now comes in neat little cubes just like burger king plop plop fizz fizz open to the out of doors even in january down in texas they’ll stand round drinking beer outside with snotsicles hanging from their big texas nostrils from their big handlebar mustaches little known secret they apply generous amounts of conditioner to said stache keeps it soft not scratchy when doing the muff dive doing the dive o’ muffin

goddamn give myself a hardon just typing that out 

but eye never fucked a sheep never fucked a non human ain’t ever even thought about it eye ain’t fussing about it eye ain’t complaining eye mean eye had plenty of chances growing up in south georgia hell had plenty of role models back around junior year high school valdosta high school home of the wildcats black and gold baby barnyard bobby didn’t get that name until after the well um intervention occurred seems old bobby had a habit of sneaking into the barns of some of the local dairies finding himself an old rickety peach crate mounting said crate mounting the cows in the barn having his way with them one night he fell through the peach crate tore his britches wallet fell out of his pocket he ran panicked next day they came by the high school the farmer was all concerned his cows got spooked weren’t giving up the usual amount of milk they came bye the high school bobby did the perp walk down the hallway

but he looked happy 

bobby barnyard bobby we hardly knew ye surreal drive through downtown san antonio passed a corner filled with transvestite hookers chicks with dicks they waved at me eye waved back at them hell one night eye just might stop big sign a little ways down the road little lulu’s best chicken fried steak in town

goddamn eye miss chicken fried anything 

stand around the firepit at the ice house the la tuna bar right next to the la tuna grill maybe they be related maybe it just be coincidence don’t care enough to ask eye’m content in my ignorance

they cut the motherfuckers head off 

eye wonder eye just wonder if the dude was ever cognizant big fucking word for such a small little peckerhead eh wonder if the dude was aware if only for a split second wonder if the dude looked over from his severed head saw his body flailing around

like a chicken with 

its

head cut off 

eye wonder eye just wonder if the dude ever caught glimpse or was he simply content in his ignorance guess we’ll never know guess we’ll never find out might see him in heaven one day might just ask him might just say hey barzan did you could you know what did you know hell the only thing eye truly know the only thing beyond death and taxes that eye really do indeed know

eye’ll fuck you in the morning
eye’ll fuck you in the night
eye’ll fuck you out in the fields
in the broad day light 

that’s because you spin me round texas tittie twister that you are goddamn eye dig you are the loam for my lust let it grow let it grow a jungle of bamboo so thick goddamn eye miss chicken fried anything stand around the firepit outside the ice house big bubba standing there must have been eight foot six white and grinnin’ talking about fighting for liberty fight them before they come over here and kill our babies you don’t want them coming over here killing our babies now do you we best be out there exterminating the enemy we have enemies we goddamn do have enemies kill them over there otherwise we be killing them over here don’t want them cocksuckers blood on our soil

god bless america god eye feel safe

ex military jar head he specialized in munitions don’t you know got him a good professional job now goddamned liberals might not like it but it’s a honest profession he’s proud of his profession he advises the army on just how much explosive might be required to take out a given building neighborhood village town city yeah he’s pretty good at it fuck them goddamn liberals 

baby eye hope you a liberal

eye’ll fuck you in the morning
eye’ll fuck you in the night
eye’ll fuck you out in the fields
in the broad day light 

eye went to new york new york eye landed at jay eff kay cabbie dude name temani picks me up temani is from yemen he has a tale he has tales he whispers of a lost business he whispers of a wife who could bear him no children he whispers of his love for this woman she his everything he whispers of a mother who demands grandchildren his mother who lives in yemen he lives in queens she hounds him day and night he returns to yemen to talk to his mother who hounds him so from afar his business fails a fancy yemeni restaurant he waxes poetically of yemeni delicacies of salta of bint al sahn  he returns home to queens he divorces his wife his mother comes to queens with a new wife for him they have two children he still loves his first wife he sees her all the time his mother dies in his living room he is crying as he tells me his story eye shed a tear eye tell him that is the most beautiful love story that eye have ever heard eye asked his permission to tell the world

he said yes 

baby eye so dig it when you say yes eye so dig it when you hiss the word yes with the ess escaping between clenched teeth eye so do eye do baby

eye’ll fuck you in the morning
eye’ll fuck you in the night
eye’ll fuck you out in the fields
in the broad day light 

eye’ll love you in the jungle run through the jungle eye will play hide and seek with your love with your love with your lust yeah travelogue to the stars full moon texas liberals love stories and all that

 

 

 

 

 

so eye don't know what the fuck it says eye mean eye assume they're my words but you know just not in my tongue you know my english tongue not my twirling tongue not that tongue eye use to lick the tip of my nose not her tongue she standing at the craps table last night at the hard rock casino in vegas beer-in he says yeah craps just put your money here watch me eye watched eye dropped a bundle fuck you beer-in but she yeah the tall amazonian brunette smiling that breck girl smile sparkle baby she grinned we me beer-in we grinned winked stood on our heads put her pigtails in the ink well she turns to us she takes her tongue kind of wets maybe moistens her lips with the lovely tip of her tongue that cute little pink delicacy dancing across those lips she says yeah i'm the panasonic booth babe we me beer-in we said yes sugar yes you are indeed so eye don't know what it says eye assume these guys haven't written in their special language that eye don't know eye assume that they are not fucking with me that what they've written on this website doesn't say phatmike is a flaming faggot who loves to fuck little boys in the church rectory hope it doesn't say that hey it's not true eye swear that got expunged from my record that's privileged information protected by doctor lawyer patient client oath something like that but hey anyway go check out this website they got some phatmike going on in eye talian

dig

throckmorton he says leaning over to grab the cards scattered about the table it’s his deck to make throckmorton says he says now if we begin if we all begin to judge too harshly then hell pretty soon nobody gets to come nobody gets to play

panama jack he says getting up from his chair slapping his cards to the table face down getting up slapping his cards to the table walking over to pour himself a short scotch  panama jack he says i hate these goddamn motherfucking middle cards the fucking game is high low it ain’t who has the best motherfucking middle cards

sitting on the bus earlier in the day sitting on the muni bus the number five fulton heading toward downtown eye’m sitting on one of those hard plastic seats with one of my all time best friends in the whole wide world who eye just met thirty forty five seconds earlier little old filipino woman sitting on the inside part of the bench against the window old wrinkled saks bag sitting on her lap don’t think the insides of that bag came from saks she nibbles on a lumpia wrapped in aluminum foil whiffs of steam sliding to her nostrils the slight whiffs of cabbage sliding to mine

a couple sits across the aisle young couple sits across the aisle one row up young man young woman twenty something he against the window she on the aisle she leans toward him he leans toward the window eye think he wishes he could jump out she says to him no doubt that it’s to him she says to him the only reason i’m here the only reason i’m in this town this place this city by the bay the only reason i’m here is

you

you’re the only thing holding me here without you i’d go home it’s just easier there easy like sunday morning that’s why i’m easy eye’m thinking lumpia going to my brain smoking a big phat lumpia eye’m thinking yeah she’s easy eye’m looking for easy shit eye’m just looking for a little fucking

peace in the valley

there will be peace in the valley for me some day there will be peace in the valley for me oh lord i pray she be so mean eye know eye know eye be so bad eye be a bad bad man but she be so mean she can’t help herself she got to hurt me she got to take that shard of glass slide it across my throat she can’t help herself she just got to she got to hurt me then eye got to hurt her then she got to hurt me pretty soon we she her eye me we don’t even fucking know why when where all we know all we got left all we know to do is fuck each other up lemme lemme fuck you up lemme lemme fuck you up she leans into him on the muni bus

she leans in

she puts her finger to his chest she says my whole life my entire life my whole life

fuck

on the elevator in one of the kaiser medical buildings on divisadero she cries eye don’t know why she cries she stands on the other side of the elevator eye stay on my side eye don’t even know how we decided who owned what side but somehow we had worked all that out she stands in the back of the elevator on her side tears drift lazily down her cheeks two salty trails one broad super highway the other a single path foot trail along the edge of the canyon eye want to ask her eye want to say

hey what’s wrong

but eye don’t and eye wonder why eye feel like letting my freak flag fly eye feel like eye owe it to

someone

hey what’s wrong eye get off on three she goes on up maybe all the way to heaven line broke monkey got choked they went to heaven on a little row boat eye got off on three stand in line hand them my card is this what it feels like in russia ten dollars she doesn’t look up she looks only at the computer the glow from the screen illuminates her face she takes my card takes my ten dollars doesn’t look up touches my hand says ooooh says ooooh your hand so cold eye say it’s a bit chilly out she says why don’t you wear gloves

eye have no answer to that

eye shrug she points to the waiting room eye go and wait seems eye do that oh so well last night eye sat at the table eye sat eye waited don’t you know the good cards they just kept showing up three queens won me a lot of money on two different occasions the sandman he said something witty he nudged me he said don’t forget to include you know i represent eye said yeah no problem he said write it down write it down in that little moleskine you got in your back pocket eye said baby eye got it eye got it eye got it hey man eye’m sorry

eye forgot it

eye’m going to use the too stoned defense eye mean eye mean hell it’s half your fault how many times did you say did you utter the words how many times did you say let’s smoke more weed and guiseppe hell he kept stuffing that bowl with hashish

third floor leave her behind in the elevator she’s going up going going up eye’m getting my eyeballs examined need to have my head examined fuck eye need to check in eye need to head up to napa put on one of those cute little pair of pee jays shuffle down the hallway drool cup half full half empty who the fuck knows need to have my head examined check into the cuckoos nest

she says she says oh baby you don’t need napa you just need a little whispering pines eye didn’t know eye only thought this only happened in fairy tales then eye saw her face now eye’m a believer eye scream she scream we all scream for ice cream both at the same time

parking lot love the squeal of tires in the parking lot don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you

she leans in she puts her finger to his chest she says my whole life my entire life my whole life

fuck

that’s a lot of responsibility that’s almost a burden

later in the afternoon climb the mountain in marin cross that golden gate drive up the one oh one left into san anselmo climb that hill scenic road they pull no punches in marin they leave nothing to chance in marin tell you like it is in marin eye’m fretting we’re hunting another doctor trying to find that one trying to find that magic key

can this marriage be saved

eye’m fretting new doctor marin county worse san anselmo they are so unconnected in san anselmo maybe they smoke too much weed maybe they indulge themselves with too many crystals too much granoloa ask me it’s too much windham hill motherfuckers fucked up the world worse than the two bushes together windham hill and tantric sex like peanut butter and jelly eye’m fretting new doctor in marin eye’m thinking therapy thoughts fearful therapy thoughts oh please lord don’t be a crystal worshiping mantra humming earth goddess

we climb this mountain doc marcie greets us at the door with her dog java fuck eye’m in trouble can this marriage be saved why should it be of course it should be it’s a sacred institution marriage fuck all eye want to do eye want to move to a cave in joshua tree roll the boulder in front third day eye’ll arise from the dead ascend into my baby’s arms stepping out with my baby can’t be so bad when it feels so good doc marcie she greets us at the door eye’m shaking in my boots okay my nikes doc marcie she must’ve thrown them crystals up the chimney she kicks our ass drills us with a diamond tipped bit ain’t no local ain’t no general ain’t no corporal she has us both crying

it’s hard work

don’t have to be mean work don’t have to be mean don’t have to be mean you hurt me eye hurt you tit tat frick frack bada bing bada bang she screams eye scream we both scream same time never happened before it can be easy there can be peace in the valley

that’s a lot of responsibility that’s almost a burden  

cards on a friday night home is where the heart is

throckmorton he says leaning over to grab the cards scattered about the table it’s his deck to make throckmorton says he says now if we begin if we all begin to judge too harshly then hell pretty soon nobody gets to come nobody gets to play

panama jack he says getting up from his chair slapping his cards to the table face down getting up slapping his cards to the table walking over to pour himself a short scotch  panama jack he says i hate these goddamn motherfucking middle cards the fucking game is high low it ain’t who has the best motherfucking middle cards

it’s hard work peace in the valley meat and beat and all that

  

they killed saddam and eye don’t give a shit

they fucking put a rope around his neck wild fucking west put him on a horse tied his hands behind his back slapped that horse right on the ass no wait hang on yeah they threw a rope around a big old magnolia limb hauled his brown ass up by the throat tarred the evil cocksucker caught him on fire burn sand nigger burn watched him dangle shake shiver no wait hang on yeah they tied his hands behind his back tied big old long rope around his feet the other end to the bumper one of them toyota four by fours haul ass across the scrub slung his scrawny ass sliding atop natural sandpaper shredding skin to meat no wait hang on ah fuck eye don’t care eye don’t give a flying fuck

they fucking put a rope around his neck wild fucking west eye think they talked about his momma eye think they talked about his wife his kids eye think they talked about his flaccid dick eye think they talked about the flatulent fearful smell drifting from his pants eye think they spit on him taunted him told him he was going to hell he was an evil evil man he was going to hell what the fuck what the hell what the fuck were we thinking

they killed saddam and eye don’t give a fuck

we sent our army all the way over across the water hey these boys are special not only are they you ess soldiers they are volunteers they love their country so much they went down to the local recruiting station army navy air force marine coast fucking guard whatever they went down on their own signed that piece of paper put on the uniform picked up a gun they be fucking special

eye mean they could have just as easily went over to the local wall mart got themselves a good job yeah no benefits yeah can’t afford to pay rent eat drive this bomb that detroit sells sucks gas like my eleventh grade girlfriend deep and nonstop yeah ain’t no future after the christmas return season anyway eye mean they could have just as easily stayed at home got themselves a good job at wall mart nope not our boys not our boys in green tan whatever the fuck they wear

they be so down with cammo bay bee

nope not our boys they didn’t just settle for the good job no baby these boys these you ess army navy airforce marines coast fucking guard they went to eye rack under their own

voe lishun

ain’t that a beautiful thing ain’t life a lovely thing ain’t it ain’it me and my man pete and my man vee and my man jay cee and my man alpo and my man bondage and my man guido and my new man dug and his brother the hipster bondage he looked at the hipster an older hipster at that been a hipster all his life eye bet eye imagine even wore the fucking prerequisite black turtleneck black beret fucking frog hipster bondage he looked at hipster he said so when you go to your hipster party i want you to do me a favor i want you to find something out for me i want you to ask poll maybe is the better verb infinitive form mister hipster can you ask your other hipster friends playing in all their hipster games can you ask them

what is hip

and get back to me with the answer i am really rather curious of course the obvious follow up question just has to be stands to reason you must also ask them

what is not hip

i am just so curious thanks bondage yeah he just wanted to know innocent quest don’t you know five or six bourbons into the evening specs don’t you know specs in the alley it’s a drinking bar not much of a pick up bar not much of a cocktail lounge no specs yeah it’s just a plain old drinking bar it ain’t like johnson’s barbecue down off bayview you know where the sign just says

don’t need no teeth to eat my meat

it an’t like johnsons maybe belongs in the same genus or something genetically similar spec’s it’s just a plain old drinking bar hadn’t been there in a while my man pete he says the other day we got to go out during the holidays you know just kind of blow one out eye say yeah they fucking hung the guy

they went and sent our boys girls in uniform all the over to coo wait bunches and bunches of ‘em put ‘em on ships put ‘em in tanks put ‘em in hummers put ‘em in jeeps and donkey carts and little red wagons and big wheels someone said go they bombed the shit out of everything our boys girls in uniforms they stormed all over creation went into bagged dad fucked ‘em up good ran their president into a hole dragged him out of the hole took pictures of him looking like he’d been in a hole put him in a jail cell put a rope round his neck hung his evil self

goddamn eye feel the righteous glow of justice goddamn it feel good and well just plain old

righteous

only way to describe it guido got hit by a cab not the other night the other night he didn’t get hit by a cab but about a year or so ago guido got hit by a cab threw him up and over and onto an examiner newspaper box he guido he had been drinking with jay cee at specs in the alley funny because eye’m hearing this story for the first time ever me jay cee vee pete we’re out in the alley smoking hand rolled cigarettes

bally shag baby

jay cee telling the story he’s three four pints of anchor steam into the night jay cee he says one moment we’re sitting at the bar having a pint the next i look up and gueeds is gone i walk up the sidewalk looking for him all i see is blood all over this examiner box but i don’t see no guido i don’t see no ambulance i don’t see no policemen nothing i see guido the next morning at the club going for a swim notice a big old lump coming out of guido’s speedo i say guido what the fuck

we fucking went over to another country we dragged their president into the streets and we killed him that’s what we did goddamn eye feel righteous eye feel so righteous eye just got to

howl

i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness starving hysterical naked dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix

doctor at the club she come over she sees the lump in the speedo she just yanks them down guido has a fucking tampon sticking out of a huge fucking wound on his callipygian cleft she says where the fuck you going guido he says i’m fucking going swimming she says not like that had him bend over the bar she sewed his ass up right then and there guido got his swim in turns out guido fell on that examiner box

right on the corner

punctured a fucking hole in his butt cheek bled like a stuck pig all over the place he hopped onto bart went home to walnut fucking creek looked into his medicine cabinet only thing he could find were a couple of tampons an old girlfriend had left behind he plugged up the hole went to bed simple as that guido he’s standing there with us in the alley by now he says hey

didn’t have health insurance

what the fuck i’m gonna do what the fuck we all gonna do we went fucking sent our boys in green over to eye rack said fuck ‘em up good while you’re at it grab that fucking saddam let’s hang the cocksucker let’s drive right up kill ‘em all fucking sand niggers

jay cee bondage they each got divorce separation stories jay cee he says don’t go in front of a judge they’re all fucking lesbians bondage he says aw man it’s fucked up i haven’t had sex in six years me eye nodded eye tried to tell them eye ain’t married to their crazy wives eye may have my own crazy wife but she ain’t anywhere near as crazy as their crazy wives eye mean eye’m still crazy about my crazy wife they fucking hate their crazy wives that’s for one thing the other thing they’re both kind of crazy themselves eye mean look at ‘em what the fuck’s up with that them giving advice fuck

eye love them anyway hell eye might even have sex with jay cee he’s kind of cute might even give him a reach around while eye’m fucking him in the ass hell eye love them anyway they only tell me shit because they love me and because

they got crazy wives

eye just drank more port cheap fucking port the kind of port where you wake up the next morning feeling like you been licking thousands of stinky smelly portoguese feet all through the night eye smoked a cigarette and a bowl for every glass of port eye drank eye wonder if they let saddam have a joint a drink a cigarette before they put a fucking rope around his neck hung his brown aa rabbit ass eye mean hell

saddam he was an evil man

gassed all them people killed all them people fucked them up ends justifies the means saddam he was an evil man we had to kill him even if we had to kill six hundred thousand poor unfortunate cocksuckers to get to him

goddamn eye do indeed feel righteous

some drunk walked up to us lit a joint said he was the god son of key kesey wrote a screenplay for a movie kesey was going to star in the movie eye asked eye said so isn’t kesey dead the drunk eye guess he’s about my age the drunk he says yeah that’s why we can’t make the movie now young dude decked out in cal ware hat jersey wristbands cal bears go he runs up stumbles up really ducks behind us looks over pete’s shoulder pete he goes so young dude you running from the police young dude he says

no man just my cabbie

didn’t want to pay my fare only had enough money to either buy a couple of beers or pay my cab fare eye elected to give my money to specs we all nodded and murmured approval of a very wise decision made by someone so young twas truly a miraculous thing eye gave him my tobacco pouch he wanted to roll a cigarette said dude i’m so good at rolling these things he fucked up the first four until eye took it back rolled him one lit it for him

pete and eye left walked down through china town after midnight place was kind of deserted the sidewalks empty only hours earlier they had been teeming with people animals in cages dead fish pig parts vegetables and lots of cheap expensive jade jewelry twelve year old girls all of whom had had visits from the foot binder we walked down through the stockton tunnel up onto union square sat beneath the big christmas tree gazed at the all the store lights macy’s saks the saint francis nike levi’s coach eye’ll take one of each we sat on a bench rolled a cigarette smoked a couple of bowls talked about nothing talked about shit

we didn’t talk about saddam at all we didn’t say one fucking word about saddam we didn’t give a shit about saddam we didn’t give a fuck about saddam

saddam was an evil man eye don’t give a shit

president bush george dubya bush he mourned the death of the three thousandth you ess soldier in eye rack the white house said on sunday but cautioned war weary americans that no quick end was in sight to the fight against terrorism

saddam was an evil man and eye don’t give a shit

the president believes that every life is precious and grieves for each one that is lost said white house spokesman scott stanzel he will ensure their sacrifice was not made in vain by the way eye looked it up in vain in the american heritage dictionary eye looked up in vain it means

without success

our boys their sacrifice was not made without success saddam was an evil man and eye don’t give a shit eye don’t give a fuck me and pete we walked up geary street up through the upper edge of the tenderloin walked past the pine crest restaurant serves up a mean bacon and eggs walked past the clift hotel got rooms made for fine fucking walked past some dive bars walked past some people sitting up against the building walls walked past a couple of crack hookers walked past corner store selling cigars eye caught a cab at van ness driven by the crazy african fucker he didn’t drive in vain pete he walked home through the castro he’s tough that way built for endurance me eye was drunk

cheap port bally shag evil surrounds us happy new year and all that