yeah it’s christmas

they be running wild people here people there they be running wild in the streets they got guns they got tanks they got crazy ideas about god jesus mohammad the second third fourth coming eye can’t keep count four horsemen giddyup motherfucker take all these souls take us all pitiful pathetic souls that we aspire to be

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

they be running wild four more americans that’s all we care about anyway four more americans soldiers all four more died in eye rack today merry fucking christmas exmas whatever the fuck whips your cream baby let’s take the christ out of christmas let’s keep going let’s take the christ out of the church let’s take the fucking christ from george dubya’s lips from here on out he ain’t allowed to utter the word

jesus

four more americans died today merry fucking christmas four more died while president el presidente fearless leader dubya he spent christmas eve calling some of the you ess troops our boys and girls in uniform

not my fucking boy not my fucking girl

ain’t never going to see my babies in a uniform last night walking out of the movie me one and only favorite oldest child one and only favorite daughter eye say walking out of the movie eye put my arm around them both eye kiss them both on the forehead eye have to stretch up just a bit now to touch my lips to son

when did he get taller than me

love them both goddamn eye do eye say to them ain’t no flag worth dying for ain’t no flag worth killing for ain’t no god worth dying for ain’t no god worth killing for look me in the eye tell me you believe me eye mean eye understand

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

yeah fearless leader he spent the eve calling our boys and girls in uniform eye wonder wonder wonder who wrote the book of love who got the call who were the lucky dozen a lottery perhaps a bone to the good republican judge from east buttfuck pennsylvania dubya he made the calls god bless his soul the you ess military they say three of the four died in bagged dad when a roadside bomb detonated

debt oh nate ed

while a fourth yes that’s the fourth of four for those in my studio audience who are playing along this poor fucker died in an explosion east of the eye racky capital with their deaths drum roll please with their deaths the envelope please with their deaths we got a total of two thousand nine hundred sixty and nine you ess troops been killed since the war began in early march two thousand three

did eye ever tell you the war started on my birthday

happy fucking birthday to me merry fucking christmas to you we approaching three thousand guess that ain’t so bad how many got killed by katrina fuckups how many got killed starving to death in appalachia how many got killed in prison sucking dick

how many times will my mother die of breast cancer

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

what the hell eye’m done with this fucking war eye don’t give a shit eye don’t give a fuck eye’m going home to san francisco eye’m going nostalgic eye click on a little stevie forbert eye wax romantic eye go retro

meet me in the middle of the day
let me hear you say everything’s okay
bring me southern kisses from your room

eye don’t give a fuck about my reputation merry fucking christmas eye don’t give a fuck eye don’t give a shit ethiopian christian war planes bomb somali islamist terrorist insurgent rebel militia forces hoodlum motherfuckers ghetto fucking aff freakin’s let ‘em fucking kill each other fucking niggers who the fuck cares about them well maybe we like them nigerian cocksuckers they not only got black skin they got black gold they be all right merry fucking christmas yeah before they just had a few hundred millie tarry advisors now it’s oh fucking ficial it’s fucking war on

christmas day christmas eve   

went by trader joe’s in laurel heights holiday food shopping don’t you know it’s christmas hey it’s exmas aye jesus we knew you so well yeah let’s go ahead and take the christ out of christmas eye mean what the fuck it’s obvious they’ve taken the christ out of the church jesus jesus we knew ye so well what happened to you what the fuck happened to you eye guess it’s just too much sometimes the burden fuck this burden

eye know believe me eye know

trader joe’s in laurel heights pushing my cart around eye got a list eye’m checking it twice there she is she comes walking down the aisle she be so hot she be a walking stick of dynamite die no mite eye stop in my tracks sometimes jesus he gives back for all the shit sometimes jesus he tosses us a crumb or two just gotta open them old eyes

don’t you know she’s russian aw man don’t look at me that way c’mon eye know before eye hear her talking on her cell phone here we are in laurel heights lily white granola crowd shopping at trader joe’s oh don’t you just love their wine selection yes check out my extra large recycled plastic bottle of doctor bronner’s magical peppermint soap oh those etonic’s are just so cute on you don’t you just love this fleece jacket not this woman not my russian goddess walking down the aisle basket on arm extending to black gloved hand

red shiny vinyl

coat sliding all the way down below her knees down to her lovely calves so carefully wrapped in sheer black stockings sheer but for two not one bold black bars shooting straight down from beneath the coat to the black knock me down fuck me quick shoes pointed toes

just in case she needs to kick me while eye’m down

eye know believe me eye know

her hat a la early to mid sixties audrey hepburn yeah audrey’s been on my mind lately funny how that is funny how that happens she’s been there a while hat red vinyl must have come with the coat an ensemble perhaps an outfit she be so sexy wonder what’s beneath eye trust my imagination baby you can too she be so sexy wild blond hair diamonds eye mean die mondes baby that authoritative dominatrix look telling me sneering at me

fuck me right or i will kill you

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

later sitting outside of café lo cubano sipping my cortadito ain’t eye hip ain’t eye cool reading my san francisco weekly trying to be radical chic don’t you know in that way that che guevera is among the white college kids private college what the fuck do they know about it what the fuck do eye know about it

eye ain’t never been shot at not with a real gun

what the fuck do we know about it when did we last go hungry when did we last dodge bullets when did we have to worry about getting buttfucked in prison fuck we have life issues we have personal crises we have to find our fucking selves we may even travel to vietnam pedal bicycles among the rice paddies coo softly even jealously over the simplicity of the peasant shall we call it lifestyle if all we had to worry about was getting up in the morning just making sure no weeds grew amongst between the tender rice shoots who needs love who needs romance when you gotta get up worry about the carpenter ants boll weevils rice grubs whatever the fuck fucks with the whole rice trip if we could only simplify simplify simplify be born grow up find someone to marry mate and fuck tend my rice raise the kids grow old then fucking die maybe give an offering to the local monk before eye go

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

give an offering to the local monk and his temple hey what’s so bad about that simplify simplify semper fi motherfucker oh my me oh my our life is so fucking troubled complicated complex chaotic

eye might just go to thailand live among the common folk work with the elephants

eye hear that they teach them to paint and play the bugle how about that cute woman eye’m back at café lo cubano now cute woman eye’m gonna say irish woman cute eye rish woman fair skinned bet she has sexy freckles in all the right places she be mid thirties there are two tables out front at cubano two tables on either side of the front door eye’m stage left she the cute irish woman she sits stage right with a woman who must be her mother later stage dorian grey the woman the young eye rish woman she reaches across the table touches mom’s hands lightly eye am reading my weekly reader it be mayor bashing it be chris daly bashing it be pee gee and ee bashing it be a left wing weekly after all and eye’m obligated to read them

eye’m white hip and enlightened

sympathetic to the cause of the downtrodden fuck the man stick it to the man she the cute irish lass she reaches across touches mom’s hands lightly she speaks slowly softly builds steam strolls her words until she stampedes them

men don’t understand her

she hasn’t had a decent relationship lasting more than two three four months since she don’t know when in such a long time oh mother what is wrong with me what’s wrong with her life eye mean this past summer she met this guy early summer he just didn’t get her he just couldn’t get her she says now holding mom’s hands she says i tried to tell him who i am i just tried to be honest i laid it all out there i did i told him everything i needed in a man i figured i thought hey i might as well let him know up front

momma she coos softly says baby baby i know i know

peeking over my weekly reader late afternoon san francisco december post solstice sun going down street lights starting to come on not too cold kind of nice out a kind crispness in the air eye’m thinking my did eye say it aloud eye’m thinking fuck fuck whatever happened to

mystery

hold something back baby keep it in the closet let it be good let it be deep let it be good and deep because

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

merry fucking christmas girlie girl six hundred thousand cocksuckers die in the desert me you sitting here in laurel village here on california street on christmas eve me you sitting here eye be so fucking radical hipster chic you be such the romantic

victim of love

love them both love them all goddamn eye do eye say to them ain’t no flag worth dying for ain’t no flag worth killing for ain’t no god worth dying for ain’t no god worth killing for look me in the eye tell me you believe me eye mean eye understand

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

four more americans died today merry fucking christmas and all that

 

 

 

story book moment eye can still see them sometimes yeah sometimes eye can 

young they she he walks across the plaza that is across the plaza that is union square christmas lights nay seasonal lights glowing brightly oh so dancing merrily in the crisp san Francisco evening the tree is lit people mill about shoppers tourists maybe a few of us locals hardly a one of us natives

young they she he walks across the plaza she walks down the steps from post street she wearing a smart black dress too innocent for the audrey hepburn look innocent in that young not yet sophisticated sort of way maybe in from the east bay concord walnut creek not quite an orinda dress needs another zero on the price tag she does have that classic walk down though stepping down the steps balanced in high heels arms crossed holding her purse across her breasts head bowed gently looking down stepping one sleek high heel at a time all we needed was a bit of a breeze to cast her hair behind floating on the spirits sailing past her they come together beneath the massive tree 

they smile they kiss

the kiss it lingers his hand slides up to her waist barely touching her waist hovering near her waist their lips wander slowly sensuously apart to the face the cheek the forehead the nose to the lips and again casually not carelessly she has to reach up oh so slightly up onto her toes her high heeled toes her calves tighten taffy pull beneath dark nylon shadows they whisper let me dance for you 

they kiss they smile

he takes her hand she spins open arms spread wide gloriously wide head back face beaming upwards challenging the glow of the season marlo thomas that girl she only lacks the hat eye smile on the inside then eye smile on the outside eye love to see the love eye think that once you’ve been in love you’re always in love don’t you eye think the more you love the more you can love the more you need to love don’t you eye think that eye love you and eye love you and eye love you and eye love you don’t you 

they kiss they smile

eye think love is a very funny fucked up thing don’t you eye think love deserves the nice lights dark fringes of evening eye think love needs all these people strolling along ones twos threes some arm in arm some talking some laughing some yeah crying eye think love wants it all don’t you 

story book moment eye can still see them sometimes yeah sometimes eye can

cab sliding down geary street outside the abbey tavern two couples young couples come stumbling out of the abbey grungish young laughing joking tripping over each other catching each other holding hands waists arms around shoulders everyone kissing everyone wiggle giggle shake shake they be so fucking cute eye just want to put them on a stick and lick them all over cab sliding down geary street three young ladies three girls backseat of the cab window down somehow all three lean out the window waving at the two stumbling couples who give the surprise hey howya right backatcha wiggle giggle shake shake three girls backseat of the cab they howl laughing hyena howl screaming laugh a love laugh eye laugh sitting in my car at the light a little dave bromberg telling the judge judge help me judge send me to the lectric chair eye laugh 

don’t you know once you’ve been in love you never stop loving don’t you know the more you love the more you can love don’t you know the more you love the more you need to love don’t you know that eye love you and eye love you and eye love you and eye love you don’t you know they dance my lovely group from the abbey they dance they sing they hug they kiss on the street corner declaring their love for each other for the corner for the street for the neighborhood eye mean why not

story book moment eye can still see them sometimes yeah sometimes eye can

sitting at the bar at the clift bar dazzling couple she blond he dark short hair cut both in their forties their cool forties she sits on a stool facing him the bar is crowded they don’t notice she got that little black dress on so dark against her pale skin he has on that dark dark suit light blue shirt crisp like the night no tie she unbuttons a couple of the top buttons slide her hand along the bare skin of his chest he leans over he whispers something into her ear eye can’t hear if it were me eye’d be saying 

eye adore you eye love you eye crave you

but eye don’t know eye can’t hear he whispers something into her ear she smiles sighs grins he leans over to whisper again his hand slides between her thighs oh they part just so do they part beneath the darkness of the dress disappears a sharp breath her lips to his neck throat eye think once you’re in love you’re never not in love don’t you eye think once you love you just gotta love more and more don’t you 

eye think love is a funny fucked up thing don’t you

story book moments seeing is believing and all that

there is nothing left to write

any story to be told has already been told love hate forgiveness anger fear anticipation faith sacrifice there is nothing new anything new is merely a retelling a new cake perhaps same ingredients god eye tire of vanilla where do we go from here only the names have changed to protect us innocents our innocence we are all so guilty gullible it’s the same story for generations goes all the way back before gandhi before mohammed before jesus before buddha before moses before adam goes all the way back to god herselves same old story same old shit any story to be told has already been told 

eye can’t feel anything that hasn’t already been felt before nothing is unique eye am a walking cliché of everyone around me eye am harry angstrom eye’m not made to feel any better when eye add the tag line aren’t we all am eye wandering through some okefenoke depression spanish moss dripping hanging from the branches of my psyche mosquitoes hatching in the spring buzzing my sleep bream jumping just out of the reach of the lazy snoozing gators don’t let your hand drag the water while the canoe glides across the blackness

where oh where are you tonight why did you leave me here all alone 

so eye need a new story eye got to write something new eye think that eye have to start clean if eye’m ever to save myself eye hurt someone that eye love eye hurt my original love my true love eye hurt you deeply and eye couldn’t help myself eye fell into this river long before eye met you many many years before no excuse just tales just stories same old stories been told before adam and eve in the garden jesus and mary magdalene doesn’t mean anything eye know long before eye met you eye’ve been swimming upstream for so so long trying not to let this river sweep me away eye’ve been fighting this river for so long now eye’m tired eye’m worn out eye couldn’t do it eye fell down eye hurt the woman eye love now you hate me it really sucks writing with one hand eye mean how do eye hold the paper down how do eye keep the wind from blowing the words away eye’m trying to walk that fine line keep that delicate balance between destroying everything around me while maintaining some semblance of security for you for my family fucking edvard munch stole my soul before eye knew eye had it

there is nothing new eye need a new story 

you confirm that eye am less than a man it’s not your fault you are so angry you are so so angry you need to hurt me now like eye hurt you hell maybe it’s me the way eye interpret maybe eye just need you to hurt me like eye know eye hurt you maybe eye am being punished for raising our kids out of the church god punishes god is vengeful god is jealous eye hear or so the baptists back home would have me believe or so the baptists back home told me every sunday morning wednesday night then once twice a year beneath the revival tent those week long freak shows of love faith and fear you confirm what we all know fuck let me just wallow in it like a gimp that has felt the slapping palm of earnest aingsley on his forehead now sprawls spastic on the church carpet that deep deep burgundy of christ’s blood on dark wood

oh he died for our sins fuck you jesus 

eye think eye have to start clean if eye’m ever to save myself you say sob say why can’t you let me help you let me save you eye have nothing you say sob say eye have hurt you forever eye’ve always hurt you eye’m sorry baby eye didn’t want to hurt you sure you say sure you say sob say you loved me through it all you say sob say eye am a brilliant writer but that eye write about shit eye don’t write about my core eye skate around the abyss eye tease the monster within but baby baby eye’m afraid eye am so afraid to look in to engage to wrestle the demons to drag them out into the open field expose them eye’m afraid eye’m downright scared you probably got it one day when eye write about that when eye face that demon when eye finally script that story

that’s the day eye quit writing 

that’s the day eye’m done that’s the end when eye write that story it will be over right now you can’t help me you can’t stand the thought that you can’t help me it angers you so you can’t help me you are my goddess earth mother eye need jesus eye am the thief crucified on the hill alongside look upon me whisper between gritted teeth say truly to me that eye will be with you in paradise

when eye place the cross between your breasts will your friends scream for bar-abbus as eye crucify your heart will they 

yeah so hey this is a letter of apology this is a letter of remorse eye don’t know how else to save myself you can’t save me don’t be angry it’s not your fault eye need to quit fighting this current eye am so tired eye am eye need to turn ride these rapids eye need eye need not to feel so bad eye need not to feel so fucking bad eye need not to be so bad eye don’t know if eye can be a good guy be that stand up guy you tell me eye need to be you tell me to be a man stand up be a man

eye wish eye knew how 

oh baby eye wish eye knew how shit eye can’t even write a decent apology same old story same old shit how can eye step up and all that

love betrayal lies lullabies fear loathing fuck you jesus and all that

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yeah

walking the village the other night just hanging me and my man the jodester we slide baby slide up from the big hole in the ground that big hole that the bad guys made boom boom airplanes heroes firemen poe lease people screaming flailing death dancing jimmie cracked corn on the street the sidewalk thousands of people alive and well heading this way that way me the jodester we been doing the tee vee magic thing throw out the bucket of sand a little soft shoe a song a dance we have new magic black magic turns tee vee set into a high definition blow up doll with power suction trademark copyright perhaps even patent pending

no mint flavored condom required

eye’m a little geographically challenged up down left right eye once lost my drunken way in my bedroom closet we head south on broadway shoulda been going north east west fuck spit into my hand smack it follow the flying slime path story of my life sun going down over the hudson sounds like a movie what’s my motivation where’s my line mister demille eye’m ready for my closeup people getting off work perhaps they’re people just getting off hey it’s the village the jodester making crude remarks about to around beautiful wanton targets ah my china doll should have been going north we figure it out after a couple of blocks about face step on a crack break your mother’s back

what the fuck the old lady’s dead anyway

god bless her saintly soul

we me the jodester we may be lost but hey aren’t we all a just little bit lost here on this big blue ball this jungle of love this forest of confusion fuck just carry a whistle give it a toot eye’ll come running we reset our bearings head north a chill in the air a mend in the tear top coats flapping stylish scarfs trailing gorgeous punk woman leaning against a post mumbling iambic pentameter sing me a sonnet gorgeous hot short skirt torn hosiery love on her lips longing in her look licking in her loin eye want to tie her up with my scarf bundle her up in my coat throw her over my shoulder take her with us eye want to tuck her into my soul seal her into my heart love can drive a man crazy lust seems to find other releases eye bleed for you

oh god nay goddess eye bleed for you

we meander wander struggle through the streets a chill in the air a frost on the leaves a warmth in my heart we meander through the streets we find the loft old style elevator gotta open the fucking door like it’s aunt esther’s pantry walk into a closet with buttons push five a dull yellow glow a rattle a shake a yank up we go we’re out of the closet teleported into a world of white walls willing wonder tee vee monitors mounted as eye would you green screen covering the back wall of one gigantic room computers flashing lights we walk to the back

marcus aurelius sits at a desk in the far corner of another magnificent room phone to his ear he spins in his chair nods grins says goodbye into the phone stands up he’s a tremendous man six foot four five well north of two fifty barrel of love arms of the bear he hugs me new york style brusque hard meaningful pats me on the back eye return the love

all these forces aligning somewhat rare

we sit we talk we laugh we sing the jodester begs his leave he stands departs heads up town me marcus we wander the cobblestones of the meat packing district barolo’s restaurant fine eye talian fare sugar sugar we clink crystal spill a bit of red wine on the white linen cloth eye bleed yes eye bleed for you sautéed sardines bed of arugula olive skin waiter jet black hair combed over balding crown eye crown thee beef tartar proscuitto olives a roasted chicken on skewer we tear off legs mongols we be crispy skin moist flesh torn by teeth and tongue

ah new york new york

you are my canvas eye am your artist let me pay bills and live the life while doing so marcus me we touch napkin to lips smack smack coffee cheesecake check credit card cachet corridors back to the street back to the loft a small crowd has gathered four six artists all artists not as in the paint and clay sense more in the performance sense specifically a cadre of comedians my friend marcus aurelius he collects comedians lets them shine on stage screen not a single soul other than marcus me us the comics we hang they drink jagermeister bourbon scotch whatever they may swill find discover they drink some at a pretty good clip me not at all they start a murmer at first a line here there tossed carelessly about sometimes stinging sometimes soothing moving slowly building into an edge into a razor of thought bursting forth in a crescendo of their edgiest stuff kind of like hanging around the campfire with some guys on guitars but this being dudes chicks sitting round riffing lines jamming in their own way

they all have some sort of hangup some sort of unique weird shit bouncing around in their head hey that's cool eye mean hey if that's what you need if that's what you have to go do sometime hey eye'm ok with that we all got our little quirks we all got our little dark corners our little jack horners our christmas pies

so whisper me your art

sleep sleep sweet cinnamon awake in the morning my morning my hands wander to my cock morning wood stiff and serious self stroking thoughts of last night’s china doll dance for me stroke china doll stripsearches my soul eye breach her walls but you invade my mind’s eye try to focus you keep scratching on my screen give me one night of peace let me fuck the air let me find a fuck where you are not it is not to be eye cannot even flog the monkey without you sliding in beneath you take me take me take me

eye surrender

hot water ecstasy shower stroking cum do us part finish myself off sigh lean back against the cool ceramic jah love your image burned fuck you fuck you eye sit tile and grout grind my ass fuck you fuck you sigh sit stirred not shaken

eye surrender

eye your lee you my grant chattanooga choo choo train trade new york for philly is chilly tonight get a long run in down the river up the rocky balboa steps finish up at my hotel in center city smoke a sweaty phattie in front of a statue of ben franklin my kind of guy his parisian phase foreshadowing dos passos fitzgerald miller ah henry ah anais yes ben has a christmas tree on one side of him a menorah on the other how fucking sweet wander back to the hotel work is kicking my ass doing the dance a couple more days then back home

eye stand there hanging with ben eye love eye jah don't you know a very tall old man how old who can tell hey they age differently here on the east coast this elderly gent has a lady friend on his arm they walk over to one of the benches sort of half hidden by city park bush he slings his arm around her she leans in yeah they kisss they do better than that they make out i dig it stand there inhaling jah smoke sugar sugar their breath steamy gotta

love the love

eye bet he gets lucky tonight eye'm jealous what the fuck eye give thanks for the vicarious thrill

oh god nay goddess eye bleed for you eye surrender

bloodlust new york new york philly is chilly and all that

yeah eye want eye need let me tell you let me talk to you murmur hoarsely whisper nay mumble fumble like the driven idiot eye am eye become no little thing this is not teenage waking with woodie wet dream wet wondering of how it might be oh sugar oh darling eye do eye do eye know just how it can be eye know just how it might be how it is oh how it is yeah eye want eye need to talk

desire

this feeling this need this goes beyond the stiff meat that sits throbs in my hand beyond the sweet drip of precum waiting for the outstretched tip of your tongue your lips oh baby let take a moment your lips goddamn goddamn so soft eye know these lips eye know you know these are my lips no no no not these are my lips eye own them no these are my lips eye am them feel me feel me lower lip between my teeth let me have it eye will drink your blood there is no desire without blood eye bleed for you eye die for you every night that you are not with me eye die for you eye bleed for you eye want eye need to talk

desire

this feeling this need beyond my cock bone hard bone thick a divining rod find the love find your cunt my cock bone hard bone thick will find you can’t hide will find you can’t find there ain’t no place safe eye will fuck you up fuck you down fuck you around town in a limo in a carriage in the garage on the roof on the dock the whole world watching eye don’t give a shit about my reputation in a nineteen sixty eight vee dubya bug eight track tucked away in the glove compartment grand funk railroad i am your captain slow dance you’re getting closer to my home my hand is getting closer to your cunt sliding down those hip hugger jeans this feeling is a halter top of love eye want eye need to talk

desire

this feeling this need beyond the feel of my hand on your throat taking you from behind pulling you to me uncomfortably to me you don’t want to come to come close you are afraid to get too close fine yeah oh kay fine eye guess eye’ll just grab you pull you back to me fuck it this feeling eye don’t care eye don’t give a shit about my reputation eye’m just going to take it eye’m just going to take you my hand on your throat taking you from behind pulling you to me gasp for me girl eye take eye will take your breath away eye want eye need to talk

desire

this feeling this need when eye fuck you to be you to come inside you enter you stay within crawl beneath your skin symbiotic eye give you take eye take you give eye am your host eye am your parasite eye me you eye your dyke you my faggot toy we hermaphrodites singular hermaphrodite yes we are just only one it ain’t a lonely number eye have you eye’m trapped in you eye’m trapped on you are a dark dark spiraling tattoo of light scratched onto my chest multicolors screaming eye want eye need to talk

desire

yeah desire eye fuck you up eye fuck you down and all that