african tribal drums chants moans jungle croons jolly joker yeah back in amsterdam hot sweaty hot thirty two thirty three celsius do the fucking conversion cocksuckers

i did

man it's hot sweaty hot all the young hot tourista chicas bouncing freely swing for me darlin' i'll sing for you i will sing stories whisper stories talk story to you your lovely lovelies i might even

dance

might even dance spin jump up and down sit perfectly still get down in the zone let my chi do all the wiggling all that boogie down

sitting

let's talk story

there is only one true story but all stories are true

jolly joker there must be a thousand coffee houses i come here don't know why right on new market open big windows small just a few tables a really nice little bar brass and looks like maple been coming here for years i guess one goes with what he knows i dig a comfort zone

in small doses

interrupted by tremendous intervals of fabulous spine tingling fucked up walking the slack wire and juggling complexities of utterly purring pure chaos goddamn

sitting

talking to a couple of dutch guys you boys from amsterdam yeah grow up here no nobody is from here we're all from someplace else us we're from the north people born here tend to grow up and leave we come in take their place talking to a couple of dutch guys we share a joint we talk story they're four five more years younger they are social workers they work with the salvation army taking care of refugees we talk about america they don't hate america they just don't understand america they wonder what happened to america they think maybe we got sick took ill they are concerned they are worried what happened over there

what happened to the love

was it all a myth tell us it ain't so they say they wonder we saw pictures the hurricane new orleans we work with refugees the poor those that are not ours but they are ours you know it's not perfect we're not preaching but we do sort of look on in awe this great nation your great nation those people the pictures what happened over there what the fuck happened

i shrugged

fuck

i felt a sudden nostalgia to move back here to a place i've never lived maybe a deja vu i'm embarrassed i want to explain hey we're not all that way but you know i guess we are one of us is all of us no fuck

we talk story me my new dutch friends i'll never see again love justice the soul when do i ever just meet two jamooks off the street anywhere we immediately dive into the shit down deep no holds barred but yeah with

a modicum of humor

because where there is love nothing need be so sharp a grin a laugh an acceptance of human fallibility frailty we're all bozos on this planet kind of fucked up kind of funny hey what's with the bracelet hey mister i look around slowly i mean fuck i mean turn my head slowly i mean

i'm stoned

shadows become blurs become three young granola chicks all natural hippie smelling of patchoulie dope probably not much older than one and only oldest son maybe twenty one two i grok the voice i nod smile stoner smile hey can't help it i'm stoned so the bracelet what's the story what's it say what's the deal

jesus is the reason

get outa here really no way i smile i grin i say i hold out my wrist i say yeah see right here they lean over i spy young breastly flesh begging to be free they look up so you some kind of jesus freak i wink i say sure i can be that way so they say they say so what's the story tell us the story talk story to us i say you want the general public story the story i tell everyone else or you want

the true story

they laughed no they giggled like only cute young granola girls can the way they may they said giving a little california cum east coast valley shimmy they said true story of course give us the truth lay down some gospel i said so here is how we get to the the truth here is how we just get right down to it the truth here is how it's quite simple really the way to find the truth you tell me the story you tell me the story behind jesus and my wrist

you tell me

there is only one true story but all stories are true

they giggled they wiggled they said oh kay oh kay i know i know i got it i know it's got to be about the love i mean it's always about love a good story has to be a love story ain't no story without love i smile

a love story then it is a love story

you and your lover you come home you're buzzed you're drunk you're stoned whatever doesn't matter you're feeling the feeling getting around to that coupling feeling yeah i nod offering the joint sharing the smoke my dutch friends intently listening rather pretending to listen they just want to watch the girls giggle jiggle wiggle me too but hey i'm in the coach put me in i nod i like that yeah the feeling not the act tis a night of love of worship yeah they say yeah right a rite you set her on a pedestal her pedestal she is a goddess set her on her pedestal oh kay a bar stool pants slide off oh so easily just like they was

buttah

slide right off dig slide glide thighs glisten sweat pussy aura form droplets tiny droplets on the muff nose comes close breate mister breathe tell me that ain't heaven tell me it ain't the center of the universe kiss the thigh a touch a nibble come one baby a dart of the tongue a parting of the waters moses march on across press your staff to the flesh you on your knees she above smiling down on you pray for her blessing you look up you say baby i christen your cunt jesus i am your priest your humble priest let me love you as only i can love you i will tend your flock i will bring you offerings i christen your cunt jesus

buttah

dig later that night you step outside fresh air breathe stretch reach to the heavens look to the heavens come over touch the ground breathe there it is right there in front of you on the sidewalk the bracelet there it is it says

jesus is the reason

of course you put it on you wear it today to remind you that you are a priest with tremendous responsibility the priest of the temple of the cunt called jesus yeah jesus who is the reason her cunt the reason for it all for it all don't you know

i smile my dutch friends smile they the granoloa girls they go silent i think we're all praying i know i am i'm praying i pray every day i thank the goddess for all my blessings jesus being one of them

there is only one true story but all stories are true

talking story one day one of these days maybe i'll learn dutch and all that 

 

hey girlfriend i'm out here it's night but the moon is full the moon is looming i'm out here on your back porch i'm scratching on your screen i am i'm saying i'm whispering i'm begging down on my knees scratching on your screen i'm saying hey baby hey girlfriend let me in let me in goddamn let me in or you best

pull that trigger it ain't gonna end no other way

many many years ago in a land far away long afore anyone ever knew of ever heard the fuck of eye rack eye ran long afore anyone ever heard of predator drones bunker fucking busters long afore way back in that land just about all they had banjo fiddle guitar cotton corn and the bible clarify our bible clarify the one with jesus in it

many many years ago my granddaddy my grandmomma they lived way out in wayback way out in the middle of buttfuck egypt way down in southwest georgia yeah stella she don't call it the middle of nowhere she calls it on the way to nowhere yeah down that way you head out toward no fucking where and then take a right couple of miles in just stop that's it right there on the way to fucking nowhere

baby let me take you somewhere

my granddaddy my grandmomma they lived the church going respectable life of the day my grandmomma the ladies auxillary the whole garden party hat and gloves thing my granddaddy a factory manager he worked he drank he fished he hunted he took care of his family he went to church if he had to he had been in the army the big war dubya dubya two he never talked about it not to me at least fuck he never said much to me anyway except maybe guhl come over here let met cut your hair and he'd pull out his pocket knife wave it around like the fat not phat redneck he was

my granddaddy he used to be in the circus way back when he used to walk the slack wire and juggle do acrobatic shit like that apparently quite the good looking dawg my granddaddy he grew up quite the hill fucking billy family myth not many of his kin wore shoes up there in the foothills of mcintyre georgia my grandmomma she been alabama born lower alabama ell aa down dothan way even lower her family the first family in the county to own a car her family lived in a big old house on some property outside of town her very own momma caused quite the scandal she wore pants when she rode her horse

baby i'm your whore let me in i'm scratching

my granddaddy his circus swung through lower alabama mid summer my granddaddy his circus the event of the summer everyone wanted to go see the circus everyone wanted to yeah stores closed fields went unattended to cows went full moaning to the moon for someone anyone to come pull on their full teets my grandmomma her family they all went out to the fields just outside of town the circus they set up in the fields just outside of town had the big top trapeze high wires tight and slack monkeys clowns tattooed ladies bearded ladies fat ladies reptile boy my grandmomma she got herself all dolled up my grandmomma she was stepping out circus in town don't you know

c'mon baby step out with me open up let me in let me in i'm scratching

my grandmomma she her brothers they sat right up front my grandaddy he stepped out hell he pranced out wearing his lite brite circus tites their eyes met yeah fairy tale granddaddy doing his peacock strut across the ring lithe muscular square jawed grandmomma got that honey scented sizzlin' smile sending that country come fuck me twinkle from her eyes goddamn yeah the south alabama summer sweat glistening throat calves the heat fuck yeah the heat the next night granddaddy he's invited to grandmamma's house they're having a social a cornhuskin' my grandmomma's daddy he played the fiddle his brother he played guitar gyet tar they sat in chairs in a big circle out back behind the house husking corn dancing to the fiddle lifting of skirts shuffling of feet clapping of hands scratching out a line scratching out a tune

scratching at your screen window baby i'm a scratchin'

my granddaddy he came to the social he danced with my grandmomma he drank with my grandmomma's brothers he probably got drunk wrestled with them out off in the shadows just what people did mostly though my granddaddy he danced with my grandmomma they danced he crooned she swooned he scratched her screen her kitty got out he chased it up the tree they got married little later that summer

my grandmomma yeah she ran off with the circus dig

see baby see it's in my dee en aa i'm a gonna i'm a gonna have to i'm a gonna run off with the circus c'mon i'm scratching let me in come on out i'll juggle for you girl watch me dance way up there on that swinging wire i'm dancing for you

my grandmomma yeah she ran off with the circus years later settled down in cuthbert my granddaddy still had an itch kept a bit of scratch in him still had a bit of wanderlust needed a little adventure every now and then had to step outside the script color outside the lines one of his buddies he had himself a place out wayback in the woods ran himself a little still my granddaddy he and his buddies used to sit out there at night running the still drinking smoking running the dogs maybe shooting some coons

one night moon full floating

high up in the sky bright as daylight dark dark shadows around the edges granddaddy granddaddy oh granddaddy he come stumbling stumbling rumbling home stubbed his toe on a rock in the yard tripped walking up the steps to the porch falling to his knees falling to his goddamn knees rolling around on the porch fuck fuck fuck

one night moon full floating i'm scratching on your screen baby i'm your dog i'll sleep all curled up on your porch i ain't no inside dog don't like the walls don't like the door i'm your back porch dog baby let me come sniffing best let out your kitty i'll chase her up the tree

grandaddy grandadddy oh grandaddy goddamn he come a stumbling he come a rumbling grandmomma grandmomma doors windows locked gladys gladys come on baby let me in grandaddy he scratched he scratched on the window screen hey gladys goddamn it woman let me in let me in

i imagine i like to imagine the words were slurred sung slung i like to picture a drunken man sitting on the porch leaning against the wall his head just above the window sill leaning on the screen moaning begging a little c'mon woman let me in let me in i'm a scratchin' on your screen it's getting late let me in goddamn let me in

he probably smelled like smoke sitting by a fire all night long smoking cigarettes all night long drinking whiskey all night long smelled like smoke and whiskey his clothes caked with mud made from the morning dew dirt road dust now he wanted to smell like pussy he begged for that kitty to be let loose

c'mon baby i'm a scratching on your screen let that kitty loose

my grandmomma she was in that house all by herself all night long just her and two of her babies she had two more babies yet to birth but this night this one night moon full floating she had but two my aunt net my momma they be babies my grandmomma in that big old house out in the country in the middle of the night wee morning hours with her two babies my granddaddy he be out dancing in the woods like fucking pan himself

my granddaddy he kept a loaded shotgun four ten over and under kept it loaded in the corner of the bedroom my grandmomma this night this one night moon full floating she woke up the sound of the crickets broken frogs stopped just a moment a scratching from the window my grandmomma she got up out of bed she hefted up that shotgun she pointed it at the window she pulled back the hammer she took off the safety my granddaddy he be peeking right through the window just about that time his eyes go big

he just want some kitty but kitty be scratching back

goddamn pause for dramatic effect

fuck

tick tock how goes the seconds of our lives tick tock man oh man the drip of time goddamn a love that kills goddamn a love that chills give it to me give me my bullet baby right here between the eyes tick tock tick tock looking back thinking maybe old great granddaddy caught daughter gladys and john wiley frolicking in the barn caught old john wiley chasing that kitty around the barn yowzir maybe not the first time old john wiley faced a shotgun maybe old great granddaddy did some convincing that night that night long before down in ell aa did some shotgun shuffling down the church aisle guess

we'll never know they all dead

baby don't shoot me just let me be your outdoor dog your porch dog you can hose me down sometimes wash off the stink bring me in for a bit throw me a bone give me a blanket over in the corner let me out in the morning i'll be back few days later got some stumps to pee on got some holes where my nose belongs got some paths i got to sniff

fuck

granddaddy he ducked low screaming yelling goddamn gladys crazy fool woman gladys grandmomma she pulled that trigger the under barrel loaded with birdshot exploding thunder out the window glass wood screen blowing shattering splintering goddamn it woman you almost killed me john wiley that you babies screaming from the darkness down the hall granddaddy alternating between whimpering and yelling crying and cursing grandmomma crying oh john wiley goddamn it whatcha doing out there scratching on my screen it's my screen too goddamn it woman i can goddamn scratch on it if i please no the hell you can't you can't be wandering all over the countryside my babies and me out here in the middle of the night all alone no hell you can't john wiley you come scratching you best expect to get shot

my grandmomma yeah she ran off with the circus dig her very own momma she wore pants rode a horse drove a car smoked roll your owns dig

goddamn it gladys you goddamn knew it was me out there scratching to get in i ain't done it i ain't know'd nothing of the kind goddamn it gladys now i got to fix this whole mess you goddamn shore do got a whole lot of fixin to do john wiley best get started now i'm going back to bed

baby baby i'm scratching on your screen go ahead pull the trigger pull that trigger shoot me right in the heart go ahead might as well you don't let me in might as well shoot me might as well kill me i'm scratching on your screen come on baby let your kitty out let this old dog your old dog chase her up the tree come on baby i'm scratching

give it to me give it to me let me in

breathe baby deep breath hold it slowly pull the trigger hear your heart beat count it one two three squeeze the trigger brace your shoulder get ready i'm a loser baby why don't you kill me give it to me give it to me let me in

granddaddy he stayed up fixed the window grandmomma she put the gun back in the corner went and sang to her babies crawled back into bed went to sleep tell me tell me gladys did you know it was me tell me tell me grandmomma she say lighting her cigarette many years later she liked salems switched to salem lights later on she say lighting her cigarette i ain't telling you just best know john wiley

same now as it was then still goes you know

best know you come scratching round after you been out wilding the countryside you come scratching round here middle of the night you leave me and my babies out here all by our selves you come scratching round here you best expect to get shot

breathe baby deep breath hold it slowly pull the trigger goddamn girl let me in can't you hear me scratching let me in let me in goddamn girl

fuck fuck fuck let me in or you best pull that trigger it ain't gonna end no other way

scratching on your screen window and all that

  

yeah it's when you know it's coming when you know it's coming right at you swimming this afternoon water a little choppy wind whipping it up big tide six foot tide sometimes i can just feel it coming i can sense it in the water i mean i have no sense of direction i never really know where the fuck i am whether it's in my own town or some other place urban suburban rural middle of the goddamn woods

the suburbs are the fucking worst

they exist for no bloody good reason so they build the fucking streets any which way they goddamn feel hey charlie whatsay we just take that bulldozer of yours plow us a road right through those trees there be just like some old tree lined boulevard in the old days whatsay charlie those trees next thing they know

cocksucker coming right at them rumble rumble fuck fuck

yeah i have no fucking sense of direction out there in the bay especially when it's all choppy like that swallowing a little water here and there sun sinking low peaking through the gate the fog i'm blind to it all must be the sun in my eyes must be the fog in my mind i start out swimming next to my man pete i look up five minutes later he's way the fuck off to the right heading in the direction we had five minutes earlier agreed to swim i'm in the middle of the fucking cove there's a few buoys in the cove a few boats sometimes other swimmers most times

funny how i know

when i'm about to hit something when i'm about to collide last second i just look up i just catch something some foreshadowing i'm like down in the total zen of swimming

i'm thinking of you

down in the total zone then this snap crackle pop sizzles through my skull my head snaps up there it is the buoy the boat the swimmer something whatever yeah most times tonight though fuck down in it i mean i was kind of tired didn't get much sleep last night nah not twisting turning problematic sleep nah i don't get that much no fucking work fucking finishing up something with the dude in hong kong just in time to start something with the dude in amsterdam got to figure out a way to get everyone on the same time zone this twenty four seven shit i was kind of tired tonight late afternoon swim gorgeous fucking day here yah a regular paradise in northern california day i'm in the zone water a bit choppy i'm out in the middle of the cove i'm doing the zen stroke my head my mind yeah it wanders it meanders stroke stroke

sun so blinding sitting low over the water breathe motherfucker breathe stroke twist breathe in twist stroke breathe out stroke twist breathe in with each breath in my head coming up the sun slapping my face smacking me playfully back into the cold out into the warmth down in the zone down in the ritual goddamn roll me over fuck me like the whore you are

the anticipation the angst the want i know i will have you i know i will have you soon the anticipation the buildup the the the baby where are you tonight where are you now where oh where are you tonight why did you leave me here all alone i searched the world over goddamn don't make me beg time it drips it drips like the leaky faucet in your hundred year old dorm room at three in the morning of your final exam in philosophy of logic one oh one goddamn course so boring you pray to be run over by the fucking bus on your way to class each day the time goddamn it drips it does

the anticipation my desire is the fucking gatornationals top fuel dragster three hundred thirty fucking miles per hour down the straight black top can't wait for the christmas tree baby give me the green the green out of control steering linkage snapped eject baby eject bouncing all over the fucking track like a spilled barrel of marbles can't stop moving looking this way looking that way fuck fuck give it to me give it to me give it to me

where are you

sitting here in my seat sitting here in my jeans my hands they slide up and down my levis my thighs my skin crawls i tingle for you i live i love i drive myself you drive me insane in fucking sane i hate you i hate you i hate you for doing this to me knowing full well knowing that it all dissipates just as soon as your smile slaps me smacks me playfully back into the cold out into the warmth down in the zone down in the ritual goddamn roll me over fuck me like the whore you are

i fit right in your perfect skin

the anticipation the time though throws tacks across the track pours honey across the track pours molasses across the tracks whoa whoa so slow hurts my motor to go so slow grind grind the time back

down in the zone stroke not knowing where the fuck i am i'm wet it's daylight i ain't too cold i ain't too tired i feel just about right just about perfect then fuck then goddamn then fuck yeah 

whack fucking whack

right into the buoy tonight swam smackdab into the fucking buoy where the fuck did that come from who the fuck put that there whack fucking whack smacked it with my hand glanced off it with my head whack fucking whack

molasses on the tracks whack fucking whack and all that

   

screaming up two eighty i'm feeling good i'm feeling crazy i got a little gee love bopping i'm hot i'm sweaty been running round the stanford campus with my man vee hot baby hot looking for late afternoon showings of glowing perspiring breasts we're doing an eight minute clip i'm sucking wind we stagger to a finish hang out behind the car eating tangerines and smoking bowl after bowl screaming up two eighty the beautiful highway toward san francisco sam clam's disco there she is screams by me in her hot mustang she with her dyke haircut suburban fashion sunglasses dressed in santa rosa talbots screams by me gotta be doing ninety in a mustang dark blue with this fat white stripe she is flaunting it baby she is screaming write me a ticket cocksucker if you got the balls i'm in love i pull up next to her i got no shirt on still feeling the run the dope i got my window down i'm bobbing my head to gee love i look over at her i grin big and wide stoners grin yeah oh kay horny stoner's grin i mouth the words you so crazy i want to fuck you she soars foward i follow her all the way to the city up nineteenth avenue through the park i turn off she keeps going to santa rosa i know she's going to santa rosa

maybe novato
 
yeah i been up and down that fucking highway a lot drive it blindfolded like the nineteen seventy-one mad magazine parody of longstreet james franciscus blind private eye cocksucker crazy talk what y'all been up to what the fuck y'all been doing me i went crazy took a ride to loony tunes bought myself a ticket to crazyland lemme see lemme see cost of crazy has gone up way way up buck thirty an hour for me not quite a buck for the couples thing another buck twenty got to take care of stella fuck gots to do this once sometimes twice a week fucking crazy ain't it goddamn of course for all that money they don't want you to call it crazy they say that's a bad word they say crazy has bad connotations kind of like the doctor telling you hey let's not call it sick call me a sick fuck just don't call me sick hey i'm phat not fat

yeah well fuck call me crazy

i'm crazy about you baby i'm crazy about your fucking cunt i'm crazy about your fucking grin i'm crazy about your walk on the wild side i'm crazy about your pinky finger just because hell i'm fucking crazy and i can yeah fuck this fuck that fuck your mother i mean why not i did your momma she be such a whore how did she get to be such a slut how did i get to be such a slut dunno about your momma but hell i was just born this way it's in my dee en aa it's all part of that love gene love jeans can't wait to get out of mine for you girlfriend that's why i wear them loose they slide down so easy yeah slide slip and slide grip and glide let's just get down in the mud in the slime in the loam in the muck in the mire goddamn

loam is sex is loam

dig that earthy feel of rolling around naked all hot sweaty yeah baby i know i know you don't sweat let me say glisten rolling around naked all hot glistening slipping sliding around natural lubrication from the goddess herself hands sliding roaming reaching beneath to pull you here there the damp soaked fuzz beneath the armpits tickling my fingers teasing my senses the nose must follow n'est-ce pas the teeth a little nibble yah fuck let me just get down in there breathe motherfucker breathe give me your scent give me your allure       

love is a slow fuck gone crazy slow fuck yeah

sugar spun so slow sweet 'n' low lips lightly dream dance with me remember yeah remember a little stoned love me like a rock let me blindfold you love is blind justice is blind there ain't nothing just about love there ain't nothing right about love is crazy

yeah and cost of crazy gone way up hey it's a crazy world it's a fucked up world goddamn if i weren't so crazy i'd be enamored with the whole fucking thing don't you know  

i ran over a whale in my ess you vee made by poor vietnamese orphans enslaved in china while their parents were working in thailand chopping down mahogany forests clearing the land to build a brothel so their younger sisters could serve the european underage hooker tourism trade i stopped put it in reverse ran over him again just to make sure he was dead i got out of the car beat him with my baseball bat like i used to do you know back in the day like i used to do to baby seals god i miss those days i ate him the whale that is i ate the whale is it sushi if it's not a real fish even though the bible said and if the bible says it motherfucker it's the goddamned gospel the bible said old noah was swallowed by a giant fish and really let's face it the whale is the closest thing to a fish that could have possibly accomplished such a god fearing task pinnochio and his story not withstanding

it tasted a little like veal

fuck the whale fuck the fish fuck the whole global warming thing yeah yeah yeah i'm all worried about polar ice caps melting and flooding and weather changes and what will my grandchildren do when their ancestral homes are under water fuck my grandchildren that aren't even born yet fuck let the floods come give me beach front property in san francisco fuck stem cell research fuck gay marriage fuck glaad fuck aids fuck pharma fuck act up fuck the log cabin republicans i mean make sense of that for me that's fucking crazy might as well put together the negro republican caucus let 'em wear sheets to the meeting fuck the tee ess aa yeah yeah we just want you to fly safe

she said smiling she said safely

want me to fly safely get me some better weed cocksucker fuck you and your fucking hybrid vee hickle arrogant motherfuckers with your ugly fucking birkenstocks goddamn has there ever been an uglier shoe why don't you just tie on some fucking tree bark to those things you call feet wait wait wait a minute wait a goddamned second oh kay yeah yeah an uglier shoe yeah the fucking earth shoe fuck how ugly were those morphed horses hooves gimme back my seventies

baby you slap on a pair of espadrilles

though i will follow you anywhere you slap on a pair of those knock me down fuck me quick high heels kay em dee eff em cues yeah baby i'll tip you over roll you down the hill give me the kitty crop give me a little length of soft velvety rope a little shibari hey we'll make it a group thing a little bukake it's all good god is good god is great what would jesus drive not one of those fucking hybrids hey the dude was god's son got style got natural beauty he don't need no ugly car he don't need a car period the cocksucker can fly ain't he got angel wings yeah god made fucking yosemite grand canyon and the goddamn great lakes and he's going to put his one and only son wait a minute wait a minute sorry his only begotten son whatever the fuck that means put his only begotten son into some ugly little fucking hybrid

japanese fucking car ain't it jesus ain't japanese that's a known fact

i shall call your cunt jesus i will be her priest i will properly worhsip her with all the accoutrements of ritual as it has been passed down from generation to generation your cunt so gorgeous so wonderful so so so

accommodating

but jesus he ain't never been caught driving some fucking hybrid it is well documented that most hybrid owners are child molesters in their hearts and are three times more likely to wear baseball caps only because they are bald and not because they like the sport or any sport for that matter fucking sissies most also tie their sweaters around their neck as well fucking faggots figures fancy limpwristed cocksuckers huh with their quiet little humpback cars

sounds more like something moses might mobilate

yeah so yeah fuck rainforest action network fuck earth first second and third win place show fuck greenpeace fuck the sierra club fuck peta ah geeze i mean really fuck those pussies fuck organic farmers fuck vegetarians fuck vegans more i mean fucking suck the cow's tit for gods sake fuck paul mccartney i never liked the beatles anyway they sold us down the creek peace love and tie dye cocksuckers told us one thing oh we're so fucking enlightened drop some acid go to india hang with ravi shankar give peace a chance live and let die told us one thing then cashed in became knighted sir fucking paul some goddamned revolution baby fuck each of them live dead or buried fuck the beatles fuck yoga fuck whirled peas fuck fare trade coffee fuck the grape boycott give me a fucking handful of raisins i'm constipated fuck the dolphins fuck shamu especially fuck free willie throw his sorry black and white ass back in jail fuck the bay watchers fuck all you cocksuckers down in new orleans get a fucking job will you fuck immigration reform fuck the mexicans

fuck the canadians especially you know just because they're stupid fucking pasty-skinned canadians

yeah fucking blow me i'm crazy i know so i don't give a shit i mean why the fuck should i give a shit why should i care all that stuff hell it's long term hell that shit it's all tomorrow baby we're gonna die today wake up and piss the world is on fire cocksucker can't you see can't you fucking see

tanks rolling troops marching guerillas sniping rockets red glare bombs bursting in air motherfucker oh can you see oh can you fucking see wave my freak flag high high wave on turn on the news turn off the news see en en reporter getting an adrenalin rush give it to me give it to me i need to know i need to know give me the blow by blow hundred civilians a day dying in eye rack the you en they say fifty thousand civilians died since the start most say that number it's way low stack 'em up stack 'em high when we reach the moon we'll just start another pile

price of freedom

how high a price can i get that freedom in a different color does it come with a turbo charger i want the ten years hundred thousand mile warranty can i buy it in bulk i'll take a gross how high how high wave on freedom now that's a high price can't afford that price it ain't pocket change baby it ain't cheap baby

you ess gee eyes killing and raping blowing the fuck out of anything everything that crawls up out of the sand eye racky bullies boarding buses blowing 'em up hama heroes hailing hell israeli jets sky screaming cloud splitting invoking terror hez fucking bow la hiding behind their babies bullets flying bada bada bada bada bang bang you're dead no i'm not i shot you no you missed ah fuck ah fuck ah fuck we're not playing these bullets are real these bullets oh god oh god

god is great god is good allah akbar motherfucker fuck jesus fuck mohammad fuck moses fuck buddha fuck vishnu fuck coyote fuck all your pagan gods what the fuck is this half goat half man thing anyway me i worship the bullet i worship the sword i worship the fucking rock i rest in my sling i will slay the giant i will slay the heathen devils i will fuck you up the ass with gabriel's trumpet

i'm crazy all i want all i want for my babies is a little peace love and understanding call me crazy fuck all this other shit let's all just sit down let's all just take a breath

breathe motherfucker breathe

goddamn let's all just take a breath let's all just relax let's all just kick back smoke a bowl smoke'em the peace pipe kimosabe call me crazy i just want to love you and you and you i want to hold your hand i want to hold my cock stroke it til midnight lose my glass slipper turn into a pumpkin go to sleep wake up see the sun shine another day share that shine with my brother with my son goddamn price of freedom land of the free call me crazy

why can't we all just get along and all that

long time before i could listen to freddy mercury croon again

fucking charlie how many times had i fucking told him to turn off the goddamn stereo fucking go to sleep over and over and over again queen news of the world i loved that album note the past tense i screamed down the stairway big tall wall sleeping in the other room he screamed down the stairway we both screamed down the stairway nothing fucking nothing but freddy mercury probably the root cause of some deep deep homophobic rage that will probably break loose some day resulting in my fucking some big black bald bruce in the ass while he's tied across the table wearing a leather hood biting down on a red rubber ball tied around his head stuck deep in his mouth yeah i stole that from tarantino fuck it fuck him fuck bill volume eight then finally fuck couldn't stand it any longer sun coming up anyway newspapers thumping on the drive dogs barking roosters crowing oh kay no roosters i lived redneck not snuffy smith so yeah finally around six in the morning i stumbled down the stairway there's charlie asleep well not quite asleep rather kind of lying there in the middle of the den his eyes closed not asleep closed but squeezed tight closed teeth gritted in that downside of tripping sort of way lying there in the middle of the den his head between two huge speakers his arms wrapped around them freddy mercury screaming

over and over and over again we will rock you we are the champions

charlie he had become intimate with my stereo he wore no pants but he wore his hat charlie always wore this widebrimmed hat with a feather like some tyrolean cracker he wore boxers and black sox stretched out on the carpet skinny fuck that he was i nudged him with my toe stood naked above him nudged him with my toe what the fuck yo charlie wake the fuck up his eyes closed tighter the cocksucker he's having a brain hemorrhage i walked across the den i hit a button the arm lifted from the album the vinyl slowed to a gradual stop i walked back stepped over the flat fuck letting my toes scrape across his stomach his eyes snapped wide open he screamed something about the fucking train then fell back down asleep for real this time

as if there is any time that is never real

we sit in his van earlier not too long after a rather large dose of freshly harvested fungus taken that afternoon from the willing cunt of a local cow field if it ain't in the shit it ain't fit sit in his van charlie driving don't know where the fuck we're going i'm in the back of the van seventies shag decor complete with black light and platform bed i'm in the back with big tall wall brother earl up front with charlie all i can see is the tunnel out the front windshield headlights shining on nothing but pine trees charlie in his kinks phase of the evening blasting

over and over and over again twentieth century man paranoid schizoid product of the twentieth century

the day before big tall wall i'm picking him up at work he's got some cush summer job at this local factory he's talking with this black chick over behind this tree she's hot fuck fuck i'm smiling i'm winking i'm hey big tall wall who's your friend hey hi i'm mike how're you big tall wall he walks back toward me past me says hey let's go fuck yo well yeah but oh kay hey we're in the car my seventy three cuda that i had run into the fucking ground never got that change the oil thing i didn't care it still sounded badass rumble rumble he says yeah let's go i say hey now you got to tell me all about foxy brown over by the tree he says forget it

sit in the van in charlie's van rumbling down the road charlie all of a sudden charlie he's turning around in his seat looking back at me and big tall wall he's saying something about a train got to be careful about trains around these parts he turns back around we drive another five hours maybe minutes all of a sudden we come upon this train track

out in the middle of fucking buttfuck south georgia nowhere seemed like the place to lay fucking train track

charlie he slams the van into park the gears grind in this really ugly ugly groan and clank and crunch before he remembers to put on the brakes we slide to a stop brother earl he grabs a handful of charlie's hair he yells what the fuck charlie he just mumbles something about the fucking train he saved us from the fucking train brother earl he lets go of charlie's hair he opens his door steps out unzips and lets loose a long pissering steamy stream big tall wall he steps out unzips begins to piss stumbles falls down into the drainage ditch

pisses all over himself

we stumble out across the drainage ditch there's another cow field it's a full moon out it's wet humid wet we get greedy think hey let's get more walk up to the fence two strands electric brother earl he says it's never fucking lit cheap fucking farmers big tall wall he says well then you fucking crawl through them first charlie for some fucking reason he's got this tennis racket with him this metal tennis racket says just in case might need protection out here in the fucking swamp big tall looks at me grins we're glad that's the extent of charlie being armed usually charlie would have carried a gun maybe two for any sort of protection he might need note to self charlie maybe should not be driving he leans over he touches the racket to the wire just holds it there nothing big tall wall he takes the racket from charlie he puts the racket onto the wire it pops right off he screams

we see a spark flash goddamn

i walked from the den into the kitchen there's fucking lee zappa wannabe digging through the fridge coming up with a beer probably my old man's beer lee zee bee popped the top this cocksucker throughout all of valdosta georgia party history had always managed to be the last fucking person to ever leave no one had ever stayed longer at a party than lee zappa wannabe fucking orkin couldn't get rid of him cocksucker i liked him he wrote for the valdosta daily times he turned me onto the beats he popped the top of the beer my old man's michelob i'll catch hell for that fuck lee zee bee said drinking half the beer in one gulping turn he said yah think i'm going to go get some breakfast wanna come i said

nah

over and over and over again we will rock you we are the champions

zee bee i heard the door close behind him my basset hound buddha yeah not too politically correct yeah i mean you really gotta look at my fucking roll models not much to fucking work with don't you know i had to kind of make it up as i went along smother that with it being the fucking seventies voila buddha my basset hound he came in the door as zee bee left his big fucking feet waddling across the tile floor he walked over and licked charlie on the belly sniffed his crotch nose up the leg of his boxers wandered on over to his water bowl charlie never moved

didn't even smile

i grab the fucking racket from big tall wall the leather grip warm i place it down on the wire stumbling toward it brother earl grabs me catches me by the shoulders the racket sizzles pop pop pop

blue spark goddamn

what the fuck big tall wall he looks out the window he says it's no big deal she wanted to go out i said i couldn't go out with her i said dude dude dude look at her big tall he says grins he says man i know i know i see her all day long i'm walking through the shop all day this way that way she's always there she is so fucking hot

and the looks she gives me make my cock spin

i smile i grin i nudge i say hey brother it's all pink on the inside baby he just shakes his head he says yeah but mister dee he pulled me aside he said he told me he said if it got around i was fucking the black chick i'd never be able to get my practice going when i come back mister dee he implied maybe i shouldn't be fucking the black chick big tall he says what can i say he's the man i say yeah but

blue spark goddamn

brother earl and i we fall backwards in opposite directions away from the fence into the drainage ditch charlie picks up the racket places it on the fence fucking nothing he smiles shit grins turns walks away says fuck maybe we don't need any more fungus among us climbs into the van hey

the crickets they chirp the frogs they croak do the ribbit thing the fireflies they flit and blink the moths flutter about the interior light of the van charlie sitting there with the door open

over and over and over again twentieth century man paranoid schizoid product of the twentieth century

big tall he stumbled down the steps he looked down at charlie he kicked charlie in the ribs he yelled at charlie he said hey cocksucker wake the fuck up he kicked him again charlie woke up he said sitting up looking around he said what what the fuck big tall wall he said nothing go back to sleep charlie said where's my pants big tall he said what charlie said crawling around on the floor his head low to the ground crawling around he said where's my pants

we nod agreement slide into the van into our respective yet implicitly assigned seats ain't no need for more fungus among us charlie he says i saw a train we say yeah we know almost in unison as a chorus chanting perhaps as in some ancient greek tragedy moaning in the background we head back toward town to my house van smells of piss swamp mud singed hairs and that certain sweaty smell that only comes from tripping he pulls into the suwanee swifty bright fluorescence smacks us knocks us down we fight our way through it as if walking up stream against bright clear flowing molasses the clerk she sits on a stool behind the counter she says her big white teeth smacking on super bubble

she says how y'all

big tall wall he sits in my cuda it's hot fucking hot already past six in the evening it's hot fucking hot steam seems to rise up from the persistent puddles that reside in the drainage ditches on the side of the road big tall he says air so thick the spanish moss wilts melts drips from the ancient cypress trees that tip toe across the water skirts pulled up showing naked knees tip toe across the fields he says yeah i pass him the joint i say yeah too bad his hand shakes just a little taking the jay from my fingers i say haven't quite got the connection between your dick and practicing medicine probably just my own ignorance he says his lips pursed round the phat little stub suck suck sucking in air and smoke he says in kind of a quick forced grunt in between sucks he says yeah

she says how y'all

we say ain't nothing to it not in unison this time but each of us in our own scrambled manner each of us a couple words syllables out of synch with the next the fluoresence swallows our words even our thoughts brother earl throws a burrito into the microwave presses the button the sickly sweet and spicy aroma creeps out hits my stomach before it hits my nose i quickly pop a coke down half the can step outside hurl in the parking lot

wipe my mouth with the back of my sleeve look up brother earl standing there looking at me eating the fucking burrito guarding his precious it wafts over i hurl again i feel better the vibrations of light a little steadier a little more stable less filling tastes better

big tall he ignored charlie looked at me said when're your folks getting home i looked around at the mess picked a beer bottle off the table an ugly ring left behind i said rubbing at the ring futile i said hopefully not for a while big tall he walked into the kitchen walked back with a hefty garbage bag he said yeah he grabbed a half empty bag of ruffles from the floor stuffed a couple of chips into his mouth threw the rest of the bag into the hefty he said yeah

charlie found his pants

behind the couch found them stuffed behind the couch alongside an ashtray filled with cigarette butts and half a joint he lit the joint pulled on his pants as he pulled on the joint leaned over so i could take it out of his mouth while he zipped and buttoned pushed the button on the turntable the arm slid over settled into the groove
 
over and over and over again we will rock you we are the champions

charlie stumbled across the room stood next to big tall watching intently as big applied elbow grease and dirty sponge to the bong water stain on the carpet he said pointing out with his toe a spot that big tall had missed he said shit man you smell like piss don't know if i'd want your piss smelling self fiddling with my parts don't care what kind of degree you go off and get big tall stopped scrubbing looked up at charlie for like three seconds then went back to his spot maybe with a bit more effort charlie he said he shrugged he said

what

over and over and over again we will rock you we are the champions

fungus trains suwanee swifty and all that