god is watching me but i don't care

shoo fly pudding pie make them cry i don't care just get me high get me high take me higher i ain't shy ain't afraid to fly

take me into orbit let me hook my fingers into your belt loops got it got it got it tight take off let's take off to the moon to the moon maybe more maybe beyond through the clouds above the clouds touch the sun grab the lightening bolt tame the flame

i burn for you

let's talk of fire let's talk of flames inside outside flames oh flames no flames lick 'em click 'em flick 'em walking through the fiery blazes of hell itself god is watching but i don't care i don't fucking care

the clock tick tock it does tick tock the second hand it sweeps it does yes it does it hums round round and around fuck fuck fuck the heart it races the head it races these thoughts they race the eyes they blink they blitz they stare they look away they stare they look away nostrils flare the love it burns

it fucking burns for you

count the bricks in the wall count the cracks in the ceiling count the cracks in my face count the specks of dust dancing in the sun bursting through the open window count the fleeting moments one two three the hairs on my arm stand tall the hairs on the back of my neck stand tall my fucking pubic hairs stand tall body electric mind electric stun gun baby

tell me tell me tell me no don't tell me lie to me speak with forked tongue signal right go left cut a fucking donut three sixty seven twenty fourteen forty twenty eight eighty fuck me with a frenzy until i'm numb to it all tell me tell me tell me no don't tell me

i don't want to know i just need to go i don't care i just need to know

stare into the fire mesmerized see no evil hear no evil speak no evil there is no such thing as pain reach out reach into the flames lap at the flesh let's blow it up let's blow it out let's catch it let's catch it let's wake up and piss the world is on fire goddamn goddamn wake up and piss

the world is on fire

rip off your panties boil some water make me some tea bend you over the desk fuck you with the frenzy reserved for those special moons full moons dangerous moons oh lawdy oh lawdy run run run we gotta get out of here run run run we gotta escape from the burning building nero play your fucking fiddle rome is on fire and no one cares

step on a crack break your mother's back

i don't care my momma's dead i don't care my daddy's dead i think that there are parts of my soul dead and buried god is watching and i don't care resurrect me redefine me right is left wrong is right the dick is limp loose is tight god ain't watching tonight

traffic lights go red go red go red i don't care four hundred twenty seven cubic inches of fire breathing sword in the stone sword in the heart hari kari flay the belly spill the guts until death do us part supuku for your love slice dice mince meat i hate meeses to pieces let us pray oh goddess take this bloody heart catch it on fire four twenty seven vroom vroom screech gimme a tank of white gas fuck these traffic lights hurts my motor to go so slow

look left look right i could fuck you all night

write a verse write a song i could fuck you all life long

but when but when but when does it all end a dick in the hand is worth two in the bush but when but when does it all end my daddy he's seen the end my momma she's seen the end my world my world redefine my world put up the walls break down the walls press the plunger let's blow this fucker down let's blow this fucker to the ground

back to the stone age baby i'll grab you by the hair drag you into my cave drag you down the highway kicking and screaming where am i burning in cairo burning in beijing burning in kingstown burning in bombay burning burning burn baby burn the smell of singed hair the malodorous aroma of kiln fired skin blackened honky party and play got nothing on me let's burn this fucker to the ground

i will write your love into my book i will burn the book i will fill 'er up fill 'er up check the oil check the water check the air in the tires don't put up no stop signs baby i ain't got no time there ain't no roses there ain't no rhyme i ain't go no rhythm i ain't got no music all i got all i got is a pack of matches and a can of gasoline it's all i can do to make the scene my money ain't dirty my money ain't clean but baby but baby my money it do be green

god is watching i don't care delilah says to samson cut off all your hair

pack of matches fire it up fire it up snap crackle pop sizzle zizzle shizzle i'm screaming no such thing as pain i'm screaming out of control goddamn it's hell getting old you ain't give me no honey i ain't give you no money pack of matches fire it up fire it up four twenty seven gots to get down the road fill 'er up drill 'er down ratchet shifter redneck ride bubba tee you can't hide when i'm sad i slide when i'm sad i slide

donnez-moi une autre demitasse du petite cafe s'il vous plait

yeah shoo fly god is watching i don't care and all that

 

i'm going to close my eyes and it's going to go away

thousands of people take to the streets of san francisco getting pissed off about eye rack third anniversary and such shit as that what kind of shit is that thousands of people take to the streets of san francisco not me i sit on my ass sit in my pew of the church of the roof of the southend rowing club basking in the sun smoking a bowl reflecting on shit with my buds fucking good swim yah hacked up last night's cigarettes yah talking shit talking story

tom tells tales totally takes a trip lays down the formula for his great american novel

i won't reveal the plot i won't tell no hell i might use it myself one day i'll have to wait for tom to kick i mean it wouldn't be right write for me to borrow while the dude is still alive my luck the cocksucker will outlive me thousands of people take to the streets of san francisco i don't i sit on my ass i lay back on the bench kicking it

i'm going to close my eyes and it's going to go away

it's that easy i'll not turn on my television at least not to any channel that even speaks to the news makes any reference to what's going on out there out there in the real world out there beyond where i give a shit maybe the only thing i can watch is tee vee land i'll just watch no show made let's say after nineteen and eighty nine maybe eighty eight should just about do it i'm not i'm not going to read my newspaper i'm going to cancel the subscription no more blue new york times baggies to pick up cuda shit with going to miss that paper what the fuck i'm quitting this internet thing i'm not going to go places where i might see billboards or posters stapled to telephone poles i'm not going to look at the homeless veterans sitting on the sidewalk with cardboard signs and big slurpee cups spiked with a few coins and a dollar bill yeah

i'm tired of that shit

going to find me a peaceful park where they don't allow any protesters just a little bit of lawn to stretch out on just stretch my legs lay back stare up at the sun it's that easy i'm just going to ignore the whole goddamn thing i'm going to find me some comic books maybe the archie comics kick back read me some fine betty and veronica erotica be still my heart my loins afire gonna find me some cheese a loaf of bread some olives maybe i can be quite the fucking proletariat don't you know don't worry i won't wear one of those frog fucking hats it's that easy i'm just going to ignore the whole goddamn thing yeah

i'm tired of that shit

anyway maybe i can just listen to smooth jazz on the radio listen to that shit long enough make a studly man sterile grover washington be so fuuuuuucking boring in that pressed slacks pressed handkerchief kind of way maybe that's where i gotta go musical lobotomy maybe i can just close my eyes i won't know i just won't know when we hit three then four thousand you ess soldiers dead i simply won't know when the eye rackies dying tops hundred two hundred thou i might just wake some day a few years from now it will be all over blue skies shining on me nothing but blue skies do i see but right now yeah

i'm really fucking tired of that shit

thousands of people take to the streets of san francisco they are a noble people they are a serious people they are a caring people they are united in this honorable cause to end the war this war what is war i cannot even begin to conceive what is war i have no idea i last got into a fight when i was thirteen years old maybe fourteen over a girl for god's sake i've come close yeah drunken stare downs seredipity the other guys blinked stella's swung at me more than a few times connected on several hit me with my own fucking cowboy boot over and over once in well let's say a fit of mad passion where yeah i admittedly understand where she was coming from no hard feelings hell kind of got me excited in a way in its own special way i manage to do damage to myself quite easily quite readily as well given myself no less then five concussions numerous twisted sprained ankles wrists broken ribs broken toes fingers cuts stitches bruises abrasions i have no fucking idea about this war thing thinking i best leave well enough alone

i'm just going to kick back close my eyes and it's going to go away

i won't dream about the dry hot sand i won't wake up parched chapped lips hoarse voice crisp cough i mean maybe from too many cigarettes at the card game not from my nightmares not from some erotic camel fucking eyelid theater i won't be the fucker ten years from now who wakes up in his nice suburban home one fine spring morning decides the next door neighbor is a sunni spy blows the fuck out of him his wife his twelve year old daughter yeah

i'm going to close my eyes teach my kids to close their eyes too

shoot them in the fucking foot if i have to don't you know don't think i won't none of them little rugrats going to put on a uniform we've taught them better george the first you shoulda taught your boy better you shoulda taught your boy that running around playing with guns and uniforms and cocaine and whiskey while that may be the texas way while it may be just a barrel of fun for a bunch of rednecks i gotta tell you

it just ain't right

it's wrong it's wrong it's wrong yeah i'm going to close my eyes teach my kids to close their eyes too while i'm at it i'm going to make sure they don't wear their sweaters tied around their shoulders goddamn ain't nothing make me snort that who the fuck are you laugh than some faggot wannabe preppie with his sweater tied around his shoulders yeah that's wrong too they my kids they aren't allowed to join the military they aren't allowed to vote republican they gots to follow the golden rule phatmike's four family rules after that i don't give a fuck what they do

i'm going to close my eyes it's going to go away

it's all going to go away it's all going to simply dry up and blow away this too shall pass i'm tired of all this shit anyway let's just go to the beach get high and fuck watch the tide come in watch the sunset build a fire

catch the world on fire

i'm going to close my eyes and all that

now i lay me down to sleep baby now i do i pray the lord my soul to keep yeah jesus yeah baby yeah momma do do do if i should die oh my oh my if i should die before i wake and bake just bake me baby just bake me oh lawdy take it take my soul spread it all over sprinkle a little bit here a little bit there

get me some maters growing

big juicy maters the kind that so red that so plump oh sugar just like the squeeze your squeeze baby slice slice ah geeze slice that mater watch the juice flow over the cutting board big meaty slice lay it right down on that toasted country white bread thick sliced lathered with mayo and horseradish fuck fuck slide on another slice mater gimme the black pepper baby shake it for me shake it for me sprinkle that black love all over that thing goddamn making me a sandwich smash it down two hands dripping leaning over the sink it so juicy dripping down my chin down my chin into the sink drip drip drip goddamn i eat this all night

sprinkle my shit all over put some over the bay let it settle down sprinkle some back home over the swamp mix me up with a little gator shit yeah baby that'll get 'em going got that right sprinkle a little bit o' me in your backyard i'll sing to you at night when you're lonely just a little love song nothing too fucking eerie sprinkle my shit all over maybe keep a little thimble full over the mantle piece

get me some serenity over the mantle piece

but but but you know what pisses me off you know what really pisses me off you know what really fucks up my serenity sitting up here on the mantle fuck i'm going to tell you what really pisses me off what really pisses me off is that george fucking bush he fucking knew it was my birthday he fucking knew the bastard he's got all that shit trivial fucking data all stored up in some holographic memory chip the world on a chip he wears it in his little fucking pinky ring you think he's picking his teeth with his finger fuck no he's asking that little database some questions three years ago three fucking years ago he asked his little pinky ring he said tell me the name of that guy who was born today on this date you know that guy with the funny glasses the guy with the cute ass i do dig his ass the ring said phatmike george fucking bush then said right cool oh kay yeah three years ago he then said he then said oh kay well i guess today's the day then let's just see where's that code book oh yeah oh right punch it in

bada bing we got some war going

how the fuck did that happen fuck now i lay me down to sleep i'm going to lay me down to sleep over here in california and by the time i wake up in the morning in my nice warm bed i hope by god we've blown the fucking shreds out of those motherfuckers over there you know over there in eye rack blow up all their fucking buildings kill all of their cocksucking children yeah yeah i pray my lord to take the lives of all those heathen motherfuckers line 'em up gun 'em down one at a time twenty thirty fuck 'em let's just kill 'em

kill 'em all

yeah yeah thank you lord thank you jesus fuck those cocksuckers right up the ass i pray my lord their souls to shit upon kick their jesus hating asses bomb their fucking houses their fucking homes their fucking uncle ed's home their auntie sue's home poison their wells piss in their baby's milk

our fucking father earth fucking mother hallowed be your power your might fuck those cocksuckers send them straight to hell thy kingdom cum all over their whoring selves thy kingdom come on down from the mountain wipe these soulless heathens from the face thy will be done on earth yeah on earth as it is up there in your great white american heaven give us this day enough bullets to whack these sand niggers yeah yeah forgive us our sins we don't mean to kill all these motherfuckers they just get in the fucking way what are we to do forgive us our sins just like we forgive these cocksuckers that tresspass against our fucking bullets don't they know don't they know stupid fucking cocksuckers please please please keep us away from the temptation to walk over and just cuts they fucking heads off and yank out their motherfucking gold teeth i guess that just ain't right even though they dead lead us not into that motherfucking temptation deliver us from that fucking evil we got oil to drink ain't got time for no such shenanigans anyway yeah yeah power and the glory forever and ever

amen

now i lay me down three years been three years sitting at my desk on my birthday yeah yeah let's see what see enn enn say uh oh bombs away fuck happy fucking birthday from george the second george dubya my hero and yours i'm sure i hope my son has the opportunity to fuck his daughters and then just decides nah don't fuck skanky bushes walks away yeah i hate the cocksucker that much really disgusting thing to say about anyone's daughter i guess i apologize yeah i'm sorry can't project onto the family well except maybe your scab brother yeah you your brother your other brother fuck you all fuck your old man too he should have beat you when you were younger

how's the coke habit fuckface

now i lay me down to sleep fuck i might reach over i might give stella a squeeze i might say hey girl i might i might just whisper something i just might maybe i might sneak down to the kitchen bite me a mater i just might put my chilly fingers beneath the sheets i just might now i lay me down to sleep but baby with you next to me i just can't sleep why can't you understand oh my oh my can't sleep now i lay me down to sleep i pray i pray hell i beg i ain't too proud to beg for sugar sometimes i gots to just take it i pray my lord my soul to keep put it in a little box maybe cedar maybe line it with some felt green i like green keep the keep the key on a chain hanging between your breasts dangling keep the box in a dark little corner of your closet bring me out at night whisper to me tell me secrets tell me story if i die before i wake like all these other poor fucking souls if i should die before i wake baby keep my soul yeah you don't show nobody the key you just keep that key on that chain dangling dangling

soldier soldier can't you just say no soldier soldier why did you have to go can't you can't you just say no just lay down your guns won't you please just lay them down and walk on home sugar we miss you come on now soldier soldier can't you just say no anyway guess it doesn't matter you're over there i'm over here i get up i go to work sometimes i drive there sometimes i fly there sometimes i just work at home i've stopped listening to the radio i only listen to my music fuck it i'm tired of listening to these fuckers either it's just so matter of fact thirteen you ess marines were killed while on patrol outside of fallujah or it's just so fucking fucking well i just listen to my music soldier soldier can't you just say no

can't you

god bless you thank you been three years geeze ain't you tired yet i know i am i want something different i want another thing to think about i'm tired of worrying about this thing just blot it out of my mind let's just forget about it let's just head into the woods not think about it not fucking around bye bye i'm done pray the lord my soul to take yeah lawdy lawdy go ahead take my soul take it i'm tired of this shit

goddamn

happy birthday mater sandwiches and all that

sugar magnolia blossoms blooming heads all empty and i don't care shit been good to me it's love baby it's all about love and jah and jah and love and sprinkle in a little kind green bud from the goddess and swing in swing low sweet chariot coming forth to carry me home

fuck

thumb out in the middle of butt fuck virginia southside virginia dude in a pickup truck picks me up two farm hands yeah farm hands that's code for black folks two farm hands in the back seat he lets me sit up front with him throw my backpack in the truck with the farm hands he's going to cluster springs about twelve miles from halifax

we talk about peace love and tie dye he is a harmonica player his band is playing tonight in some little club some little outback joint between cluster springs and halifax let's just call it the sugar shack

davy scheffler vivian sheffler mark scheffler keith joyce richard holt drew johnson craddock shields gaye shields names floating in from the past names just names the world has changed nixon to ford to carter to fucking reagan how the fuck did that happen

walking down cedar lane walk past my old house the corner of cedar lane and oak lane missus rebick in her front yard kneeling in her front yard digging in her flower bed walking up in my backpack bandanna dirty unshaven walking into her driveway shit i mean last night i slept in a fucking field next to a gas station on the interstate

i guess i might appear just a bit unseemly

missus rebick kelly's mom she stands up she backs up a little looks around i say hey i say hey remember me whoa whoa hey it's me phatmike yah yah me remember me she smiles she remembers

she hugs my filthy self she gives me a kiss on the cheek she asks about my moms she asks about my pops she asks about my brother she yells at me for scaring her this way she scolds me for being so filthy she says run yourself right on inside take a shower she feeds me lunch some meat and mayonaise on white bread she gives me a beer she doesn't talk about kelly won't talk about kelly where is kelly oh she's living down in north carolina

in chapel hill

goddamn

kelly's little sister comes bouncing in she comes bouncing into the kitchen i'm sitting there at the table clean tee shirt on missus rebick has my other stuff in the wash kelly's sister i knew her she had this crush on me i was thirteen fourteen she was like eleven she used to spy on me and kelly she was a punk kid she's no punk kid now she's fucking

voluptuous

goddamn she doesn't know me she stops and she looks at her mom with that who the fuck is this kind of raised eyebrows i say i'm looking oh baby yes i'm looking i say hey little girl how ya doin she cocks her head still not knowing me missus rebick she says she follows my eyes she sees my eyes go to frances she sees frances looking at me she says frances you remember phatmike frances she takes a breath

goddamn if her tits go up and down like that one more time

she takes a breath she says hey where you been i say hey you know around we moved don't you remember she laughs hand on hip leaning on the door jam she says hey what brings you to town i want to say girl girl girl it's your sweet ass that brings me here i don't i just say hey you know just passing through how you been how you getting along

missus rebick she looks at us both she say you know what you know who just came home you know who just got out of the navy he's home now right up the street keith joyce he's home i'm going to call carol i'm going to tell her you're in town i'm going to find you a place to sleep tonight yeah tonight you're sleeping at the joyces

voluptuous goddamn

yeah so keith me and keith we were buds he's a year older never the college type he went into the navy see the world cocksucker see the fucking world i guess he didn't really like what he saw he's back in halifax don't you know i head over i give missus rebick a kiss on the cheek she ruffles my hair she says tell your momma to write me i say you know i will i leave my address

yeah letter writing no shit

i say goodbye i say maybe i'll see you in the morning you know before church she says yes that will be nice i wander on over i wander up the street i smell the hood it's my smell the grass is the same green the red bricks are the same red i wrecked my bike over there i climbed that tree i hid behind those bushes

with kelly rebick

i loved her maybe i still love her i really hope i do i don't really like the thought that love ends i don't think love ever ends

do you

me and keith we pick it right back up we step into his back yard we smoke a phattie we laugh we talk music we talk about the gang tommy rudder he went to jail before he ever got out of high school tucker old tucker he's gone to law school richard holt he works for the federal reserve up in richmond he's a hot shot so where's kelly what happened to kelly he says keith he says he says shit don't know i went into the navy i came back she was gone her momma she don't talk about it my momma she don't talk about it fuck don't know he shrugs

he says keith he says hey some of the old gang we got this bar up the road between here and cluster springs i say no shit hey cool he says let's go let's head out let's go get some beers i'm down with that we get into his car we drive down a two lane blacktop dashed white lines blasting by beneath tires on gravel as we pour into the parking lot neon in the windows of pre-fab square rectangle box three dollar cover there's my man the harmonica player i walk up keith says you know this guy my man the harp player he says hey we're old friends

we sit at a table people show up double takes hey you didn't have such scruffy shit on your face when you were thirteen fourteen you didn't have such nice tits when you were thirteen fourteen we order pitchers of beer we're slamming down beers we're doing the remember when game mark scheffler he comes in his sister vivian she comes in later my my my she's no longer the skinny little fuck my my my she sits next to me then then then yeah you know it

voluptuous little sister frances she comes wandering in goddamn she walks right up no she doesn't walk up she fucking sashays right up she wiggles up in that slow one sexy wiggle with each step kind of walk goddamn goddamn goddamn sits on the other side of me grabs my hand puts my hand in her lap looks me in the eyes she says she whispers she kisses me on the cheek she says

hey

i say goddamn

we drink yeah we all drink but somehow but some way all the others they just slide back into the darkness we talk me and frances we talk she growls into my ear she whispers into my ear she nibbles on my ear she slides her tongue into my ear goddamn i think it comes out the other side i'm brainless i've nothing she cleans me out of emotion of feeling of thought of anything except the word

yes

keith he leans over he says hey there's a party let's go to the party frances she says yeah hey let's go to the party i say yeah let's go to the party we leave we stop at some store some backwoods store bootleg store selling bottles of liquor we buy us a fifth of jack we're passing it around the car i'm in the backseat frances is in the backseat two other girls hell women up front with keith i kind of remember them shit i don't remember anything now

yeah so i'm so drunk i find myself i say to frances i'm not thinking i say so sugar what the fuck happened to kelly where is kelly she frances she just leans over she places my hand on her tit she says hey we don't talk about kelly i'm drunk i say why don't we talk about kelly she says placing her hand on my cock through my pants she says we just don't i say oh kay

so yeah so yeah so yeah i fuck frances i don't just make love to frances we fuck we have one big sloppy drunken fuck on the grass outside the house outside the party house big old full moon down by the bannister river down off of canterbury lane outside on the grass one big old sloppy drunken fuck one of those fucks i think back the next morning think back groggily the next day think back think back

goddamn i did that fuck i should watch what i drink goddamn yeah one of those fucks where fingers and tongues and lips and toes and orifices all get intertwined in some nether region of the universe rolling laughing giggling gasps gritted gnashing teeth and moans yes darlin the moans the moans the moon laughing at our drunkenness the dew soaking our clothes as we rolled all over the slope of grass where we started where we ended fucking

voluptuous

the next morning keith me and keith we take a walk around the hood he says

so

i say yeah kind of fucked up he says yeah never seen frances like that don't know where that came from i say yeah i didn't see it coming he says so one of her friends she told me the kelly story said frances told her said that frances told her on the way over to the shack last night i say yeah what gives he says funny thing i'm thinking i been thinking some fucked up thing kelly went out and did some fucked up thing ain't no fucked up thing except her parents her old man really kelly ain't done nothing wrong kelly she just

fell in love

kelly she just fell in love and moved in with her boyfriend in north carolina her old man he don't like the guy simple as that cut her off just like that they don't talk about kelly fucked up huh i say yeah fucked up

i loved her maybe i still love her i really hope i do i don't really like the thought that love ends i don't think love ever ends

do you

we walk around the block it's church time missus rebick and frances and mister rebick they drive by they're going to church she frances she looks over her shoulder she waves i wave keith waves missus rebick she waves mister rebick he's driving he looks straight ahead

i'm glad kelly is in love i wish i were in love i loved her maybe i still love her i really hope i do i don't really like the thought that love ends i don't think love ever ends

do you

i'm glad kelly is in love i say hey want to give me a ride to some highway he says you still going to richmond i say nah the show was last night sugar magnolia sunshine daydream i'm walking in the tall trees going where the wind goes guess it brought me here guess i need to head home now i guess i better head south can you get me pointed that way

keith he says yeah

we slide into the car he slips in a cassette he lights a cigarette i light a joint we head down highway three sixty turn right on five oh one head down toward toward south boston he gets me close to the highway we shake hands we laugh i slide out of the car i heft up my pack i look at him he looks at me waves i wave he drives off i walk i saunter hell i might dance a couple of steps

i walk in the morning sunshine yeah sunshine daydreams thumb out time to go home time to head on down the road and all that

the water was so fucking cold my dick hurt

that's all right that's oh kay baby don't worry yeah i didn't die of hyperthermia stella she says she said eyes barely open sun poking in through the shades through the skylight she says hey says hey don't die today oh kay i said her warmth still burning beneath the sheets i say i said

yeah

the water was so fucking cold my dick hurt

that's all right that's oh kay the sun was there breaking through the chalk on the board it said forty eight i didn't believe it i don't think it cracked fifty hadn't been in the water for a couple of weeks goddamn goddamn my mistress she punished me she said she say come here big boy where you been give it to me give it to me she sucked me dry she be so cold she be so fucking cold started with my toes my fingers crept up my arms up my legs goddamn

she be so fucking mean no wonder i love her

me my man pete his brother twin brother skinny motherfucking version of my man pete we climb the steps to the church of the roof of the southend rowing club we sit in the pews i open the bag of holy sacrament fuck the cupboard is bare forgot to reload we wander back to my car dig through my trunk find a bag shit better give my man j a call need a bag fill 'er up j got a long way to go find what's left of a bag maybe an eighth big ol' smiling bud i smile back we're pals we're friends

me my man pete his twin brother tom we climb the steps to the church of the top of the hill above fort mason sit on the cement bench that looks out over the bay we break open the holy sacrament we point out points of presence across the bay alcatraz angel island sausalito tom pete they got fucking trivia about each and every spot more than trivia they got stories we puff la my man pete his twin brother tom turn me on to a tee cee boyle book drop city i got to check it out they say i say

dig

tom tells the story some story of the dead horse on the road what the fuck i don't know he says yeah that part happened he points vaguely over across the water i nod knowingly yeah i say

dig

i wander back to the car down the steps to the car i slide a little marvin gaye into the see dee player let's get it on yeah i slide my windows down i low ride down lombard up through the presidio i stop in at toy boat my man jesse he's there he's unloading shit from his car into the store i'm having coffee yeah drop a couple shots espresso in there sugar thanks jesse says hey how you been i look at him i give him a kiss on the cheek i give him a hug haven't seen my man jesse in a long time i say you know my brotha

i been good

how cannot life be good i woke up this morning my man that's a beautiful thing don't you know i frolicked with my goddess i ran along her shore i dipped into her beautiful cunt head first i went to church i get to talk to you the sun is shining the skies are blue i mean fucking a baby

i been good

how about you he says bear of a man big strong bearded man he says you know last week i woke up a couple of times i said to myself i stretched smiled said to myself goddamn i feel good i say i smile

that's a beautiful thing

we walk down clement street our arms around each other funny how with my man jesse i feel totally comfortable so fucking natural i say i'm running errands i'll check you later sugar i give him a squeeze i give another kiss on the cheek he returns the gesture goddamn i love that guy

head up to the asian kitchen supply store up the street walk through the saturday morning crowds dim sum hitting my senses my nose my mouth begins to water i stop at a fruit stand buy some tangerines devour them three four of them as i walk down the street all these cute exotic women wiggling in front of me i bless each and every one of them i welcome them to my dreams i thank them for joining my cult of love goddamn i chat it up at the register line this guy and his girlfriend they're catering some big dinner tonight they're buying all this stuff whathca making barbecuing chicken i say i hope it's some good frickin chickin she smiles he smiles i smile she says hey baby i don't make nothing but good frickin chickin i just wink and say i just know you do sugar i just know you do

boyfriend nods smiles

knowingly love is in the air i guess that love is just in the air ain't that a beautiful thing still i long to find a day so today i pray for grace i stop at the sixth avenue aquarium i buy some flowers stella she needs flowers purple yellow iris smells so good i kiss the flowers bless them with the love of the day goddamn where did this come from where did i get this feeling where did it come from don't know don't know don't know don't question don't want to question don't want to ask

it just is

get in the zone come on pretty girls just make me want to shout ain't that enough ain't that just all she needs all she wrote take it take it devour it slurp it up while i got it sometimes that trough is empty sometimes that trough is full when it's full goddamn just get down on my hands and knees just put my fucking head down there and eat life like it's pussy goddamn feeling kind of corny today feeling kind of mushy today fuck it i don't care i ain't got no misgivings

today

i'll take it today i'll take it baby i'll put my head down deep into that trough i'm going to drink long pull that long cool drink gorge myself i am a fucking gourmand for your love baby open your cunt and just rub it all over my chest all over my face all over all over i'll take it

today

boyfriend nods smiles

knowingly love is in the air and all that

the sign says speed limit enforced by aircraft

i guess i wonder i imagine that in this day and age when we got terrorists swarming all about us in and around us in and amongst us between and betwixt us fuck i guess i reckon it all makes sense shit i wonder about the nature of enforcement simple bullets maybe strafe the highway how much collateral damage is acceptable maybe send down a couple of pre-emptive strikes bomb the shit out of the red rice rocket that is just entering the highway hell chinaman makes a legitimate target

maybe it's because i'm driving by the stonewall jackson memorial had a teacher once down in halifax had a teacher once told us we would have won the war between the states don't you know that back home we never called it the civil war that's what the yankees called it that kind of makes it appear like we were a rebellion my teacher he said hell my teachers most of 'em they said what we're talking about here is a legitimate war what we're talking about here is a war about rights if not righteousness

had a teacher once down in halifax had a teacher once told us that after the first battle of bull run what the yankees called the battle of manassas junction said that genr'l jackson he had them yankees on the run had 'em running all the way back to washington scared yellow bellied yankee boys yessiree had 'em running all the way back genr'l jackson though it being sunday genr'l jackson being a religious man he stopped to attend church services let the fucking yankees get away

might have been a whole different world

that's what my teacher down in halifax told us that's what he said that's what he told us during virginia history i never checked up on it i just took it as fact i mean why the fuck would he lie to me to us

might have been a whole different world

baby my world would be so different right now if you were sitting here next to me in the car sitting here in this car sitting that way you do leaning back against the passenger side door legs extended feet in my lap i'd rub 'em a little i'd kiss them a little i'd nibble on those sweet sugary toes

goddamn give me

a whole different world

must be the stonewall jackson memorial that they are protecting with all that air power fuck me and my man j we're hanging out front of the airport we're hanging out front smoking a cigarette waiting for our luggage cute tough kristen dunst with a trailer park edge comes walking up she asks for a light we give her a light she says sorry if i smell like jack daniels i just got back off a flight from eye rack i paid the extra money for first class i had eight jack and coke's i spilt the fifth one

that's a whole different world

me and my man j we head over to hertz he's going in one direction i'm heading to halifax for the weekend i'm coming in from london my man j coming in from new york new york neither one of us been to eye rack we got the weekend my man j he has shit going on he's got drinks to drink he has women to seduce he has debauchery to practice me i'm a simple man i live vicariously through my man j i sit back in the darkness tease myself with such wildness me i'm driving to halifax

i haven't been to halifax since nineteen and eighty one i guess that's twenty five years that's a lifetime if you're an unlucky fuck in eye rack freshly scrubbed right out of high school recruited by madison avenue for uncle sam dubya bush

standing on the beach with a gun in my hand staring at the sea staring at the sand i'm alive i'm dead i'm the stranger killing an arab

our new friend kristen she says she's in medical services she's on are and are she hates eye rack she hopes to get the hell out of there soon she's been there twice since two thousand and three she's twenty two she gets out of the army in ought seven they're going to pay for college she wants to live in san diego

we me and my man j we say hey good luck good lookin' she says drunken smile she says

thanks

it's a long drive from dulles airport to halifax virginia drive through amelia virginia on the jeb stuart highway sign points off to the right it says it points to tobaccoville that about sums it up i pass a purple sixty nine caddy with a set of big old texas longhorns stretched across the hood yeah bout sums it up sign says abs boyd and equipment i pass by slowly it ain't no gym equipment store i guess guess ol abner got him self an auto body shop

yeah bout sums it up

i get to halifax around five in the afternoon long drive about two two and half joints long luckily i stopped at the gas station drank me some gas station coffee bought me an energy drink called chines rocket fuel tag line says two times the energy get you running around i mean

that ain't racist

is it i don't think so might sort of be like darkie toothpaste just an innocent sounding name i get to halifax around five i park the car on main street in front of the courthouse walk around walk around shit ain't nothing changed

much

the pool hall it ain't there dixon's dime store it ain't there the barber shop it ain't there

when i was twelve and had hair down to my shoulders my old man he brought me down to this barber shop well at least the barber shop it was right here right in there he sat me down my old man he was pissed peeved about something he had the barber cut my hair i remember a tear running down my cheek i remember the barber leaning over he dabbed the tear with his towel before my old man saw it the barber he said hey it'll grow back

the volunteer fire department is now some private emergency service garland's jewelry store is still there the drug store it ain't there any more the esso station is exxon now the texaco station is a shell station

i walk up the road down that road yeah over there richard holt that's where he moved after his daddy died and his momma remarried drew johnson he lived down there deborah wallwork she lived down there

man she could kiss i felt her up didn't know what to do more than that

walk up around the church the united methodist church fucking church looks exactly the same as it had back in nineteen sixty nine when i put on a white choir robe and sang i walk in the garden he walks with me he talks with me he tells me i am his own same sign out front walk around back through the field that runs over behind the episcopal church

where craddock shields snuck into the basement through the window while i stood watch outside in the dark the dark dark him emerging ten minutes later ten long fucking minutes where craddock emerged ten minutes later with a bottle of communion wine we drank it

i walk through the cemetery behind the church most are old old graves a couple of relatively new ones i spot pocahontas wight edmunds she was paul edmunds grandma we called her pokey she was born november eight nineteen oh four she died june fifteen nineteen ninety nine

pokey she owned this huge house across the street and down the length of this quarter mile drive from the church i used to deliver her newspaper she tipped well we used to play football in the big field in front of her house she used to pack like eight nine ten of us into her little yellow vee dubya bug sometimes shoving one or two of us into the trunk up front take us out for ice cream

there's a brand new silver vee dubya beetle sitting in front of the house now i wonder if pokey comes back to drive it every now and then

walking across the field that feeling sweeping through me that feel of the earth beneath my feet the thaw the ground starting to thaw that familiar earth beneath my feet bells start to ring it's six o'clock more gut feeling flowing through me they rang that tune every night at six we could hear it all over town my momma said if that bell is ringing and you ain't at home you better have a good excuse where you are the bells ring i have to stop just stand listen fucking sound knocked a tear from my eye it runs down my cheek

this shit it ain't hitting me sharp this shit it hits me like a blunt object body hits

whatcha going to do now momma i ain't home yet

what brought me back i don't know

some kind of draw some kind of pull you got on me some kind of stamp you left on me miss halifax don't know don't know i guess i just felt so safe here i mean this little town population eight hundred and one yeah kind of the idyllic memories why am i back why do i want to fuck that up don't want to fuck with these kosmic karmic waves don't you know don't want to send any ripples through time i jumped in

through the looking glass

best find my fucking way better not mess any of this shit up it's already starting to shake fuck better find my way out well come on and let me know should i stay or should i go if i go it will be trouble if i stay it will be double no hotels in halifax not a one drove five six miles god it used to take forever to go to south boston tonight it takes five minutes

drive the five or six miles to south boston found a string of chain motels my phone stopped working a while back i called cingular from the pay phone they said where are you i said i'm in halifax they said there's not a cell tower within fifty miles of you i said thanks fuck the looking glass don't like cell phones i guess like i had driven through some black hole couldn't call my baby couldn't call my sugar to tell her all about it i feel sort of

lost

you know don't you know i go out to dinner got to get myself fed head out through south boston it don't look the same it's different it's become sort of

quaint

with its antique stores and its museum and its and its little coffee shop went to dinner at this little french bistro yeah go fucking figure ain't got cell coverage they got french bistros with linen napkins and a wine list don't you know won't you know back in the day back in nineteen and seventy i only remember eating out at the hardee's up the street and eating out at the country club on sunday's

those greying black bucks in their white linen jackets their starched white shirts their black pants black vests black bow ties looking so fucking distinguished and well and well yeah looking so helpful

the bistro sits on main street in between and amongst some antique stores yeah still looks like junk to me we used to call it junk burn it in bonfires when we ran out of brush

burned hot not a lot of smoke

two patrons and the owner the proprieter they discuss smoking the evils thereof vehement against the sordid practice each argument building upon the other smoking is vile smoking is disgusting the patrons seemingly local landed gentry just knowing the cocksucker made his money in tobacco this is a fucking tobacco town tobacco made this town the whole area is tobacco rich i got tar still staining my fucking fingers from thirty years ago

i talk to the owner she is my age a year older she used to live around the corner from me apparently we didn't know each other she went to private school when the schools integrated in the fifth grade lots of white people went to private school when they integrated i talk to the owner i ask her so did you know richard holt she says yeah i knew richard i was his girlfriend in the third grade don't know where he is now i say did you know davy scheffler she says yeah i knew davy don't know where he is now i say did you know deborah wallwork she says yeah i knew deborah she had horses we had horses i don't know where she is now i say i take a breath i look around i look to her i say

did you know kelly rebick

she says no i didn't know her i feel a little empty after that i don't want to know any more i don't need to know any more i have plans i am going to get up early in the morning go to church go to my old church i can't sleep i toss i turn i call home i whisper to stella i don't know why i'm here she says it don't matter baby

did you know kelly rebick she says no i didn't know her

i wake up in the morning i think about going for a run i smoke a joint instead i put on a nice shirt i put on a tie i drink some bad gas station coffee i drive around my old neighborhood i drive by my house it's the same fucking house nothing changed the cherry tree on the edge of the property the big old oak trees in the yard they were huge then they are huge now the house shitty brick house it's the same shitty little brick garage it's the same gravel drive it's the same

fuck

i drive by the rebick's house there are no cars in the drive i drive out to the elementary school it's the same big old brick building standing all majestic there the baseball field in the back big sign over the snack bar says halifax county dixie youth baseball my dad was league commissioner one year

i wonder if that's how i made the all star team

the library it used to be right next door in this old plantation house it's not the library any more i hope they still have one i lived in that old building upstairs back in the corner they had the books i loved

i read doctor doolittle in the second grade i read johnny got his gun in the eighth grade both books changed my life all books change my life how can they not hell every episode of elimidate changes my life every time i jack off it changes my life

i get back in the car i drive back toward the church it's near about eleven about time for services to start i see people wandering up the walk to the church i slow down i catch the eye of this one guy standing out front he looks at me i look at him his eyes follow my car i feel him looking long after i pass long after i keep on driving i turn back onto highway three sixty the jeb stuart highway i turn onto the road step on the gas i want out of here i want to jump back through the looking glass i need to get out of here

did you know phatmike she says no i didn't know him

yeah i know on the way out i see a sign it is advertising something called hidden acres kind of begs the question don't you know i'm down the road i'm across the bridge spanning the bannister river i'm down the road i wait a good ten minutes before i look into the rear view mirror so long thanks

begging the question and all that

so yeah so hey a little digression here a little back story a little chit chat a little painting of a picture a little design on a dime

i was born in georgia i moved to a little town in virginia a little country town called halifax virginia when i was seven years old i moved back to georgia when i was fourteen yeah yeah yanked from the bosom of my world of my love when i was but a wee one halifax virginia population eight hundred and one located at the crossing of highways five oh one and three sixty alongside the bannister river in southside virginia they called it the piedmont that's what they taught us in school in the seventh grade when we took virginia history

we had your basic courthouse we had your basic courthouse statue of a confederate soldier probably some general hell probably general lee right there in the middle of the courthouse lawn we had a couple of gas stations we had a dime store we had a drug store we had a jewelry store we had a barber shop we had a post office i used to walk down to the post office about a mile from our house to get the mail when i was but seven eight it was the coolest thing in the world when i was twelve thirteen i hated it aw c'mon mom i don't have time to go get the mail let dad pick it up on his way home from work we had a pool hall we'd walk by there it was always dark in there i remember richard holt's older cousin used to hang out in there he was trouble richard's cousin then he got drafted i never saw richard's cousin again after he got drafted i think he got killed i was born in georgia i moved to a little town in virginia halifax virginia

in the fifth grade we integrated schools they divided up our schools into elementary schools middle schools junior high school and high school didn't used to be that way in the fifth grade we integrated they put us in a school with black folks

we even had black teachers

in the seventh grade we took virginia history my history teacher was this black teacher mister edmunds he taught us virginia history we had this really old history book in this history book there was this chapter about slavery in this chapter about slavery they said that the slaves were happy it said that

the slaves used to dance and sing all day long

mister edmunds he had to teach from the book they told him that he had to teach from this book mister edmunds he was cool this was nineteen and seventy one and mister edmunds he wore cool superfly suits and had doctor jay wild afro hair and he wore platform shoes i dug mister edmunds when it came time to teach about slavery he said go read this chapter he said go read this chapter he said the next day he said were the slaves happy how could a slave have been happy how

he challenged us i dug mister edmunds my friend joe exum he was a white guy he didn't dig mister edmunds he put his head on his desk and put up his fist kind of a white power kind of thing i guess redneck white power shit i thumped joe exum on the head i said what are you doing man i remember a few other white kids did the same thing jeffery oaks mike childress alan crowder i haven't thought about these guys in such a long time now i'm drowning

mike childress taught me the meaning of the word vagina in the fifth grade mike childress each year he never made it to school until around the middle of october because he picked tobacco the crop wasn't in until the middle of october

mike smith he put his head down fist up too his old man was our boy scout troop leader we didn't have have any black folks in our boy scout troop averette thomas he didn't put his head down i don't think he gave a shit one way or the other averette this dude was jimmy dean cool he didn't give a shit about nothing

his momma she died of cancer when we were in the sixth grade

none of the girls put their head down they all wore dresses jill tracy she didn't wear dresses she wore pants jill had the biggest tits in the seventh grade she and brenda williams i loved the girls in halifax virginia

cynthia smith lived in halifax virginia cynthia smith she was the last blonde girlfriend i ever had she was my girlfriend in the sixth grade kathy powell lived in halifax virginia she was almost as smart as me she was spunky i liked that she was my girlfriend in the seventh grade brenda williams she lived out in the country outside halifax virginia she was my girlfriend for like two weeks in the seventh grade then she came in to school with a big old hickie some sixteen year old redneck had given it to her she told me she was his girlfriend now i said oh kay deborah wallwork lived in halifax virginia she wasn't as smart as me but she was a year older and she had horses and she liked to make out a lot and she was my girlfriend in the eighth grade and yes and yes and yes kelly rebick lived in halifax virginia kelly was the last girlfriend i ever had in halifax virginia

i didn't know that i loved kelly rebick of halifax virginia until i was going to move away from halifax virginia she was a year older than me i was fourteen she was fifteen she lived down the street from me i used to hang out with kelly she was quite the tomboy we climbed trees together we chased horses together we ran races together she usually won we swam races together she usually won we tossed the football together she used to play football with us one time craddock shields he tackled kelly in a very vicious manner tackled her then got up he liked jumped on her with his shoulder really hurt her i ran up and punched craddock he was a little fucker i punched him knocked him down jumped on him started punching him over and over kelly got up told me to stop i didn't stop craddock the little fucker he leaned up and fucking bit me right on the fucking chest left a mark for like a week i had to punch him in the face like three times just to get his fucking lockjaw off my tit fuck left me with this bite scar left craddock with a bloody lip a bloody nose a swollen eye my hand my fist it hurt like hell from hitting him on the head that was the last fight i ever got into my entire life i haven't been in a fight since the early fall of ninth grade

but that's when i knew i loved kelly rebick of halifax virginia

i loved her maybe i still love her i really hope i do i don't really like the thought that love ends i don't think love ever ends

do you

after that kelly would come over to my house i'd go over to her house just about every day the funny thing is we just hung out we didn't make out we didn't get all teenage sexy we just hung out yeah we'd hold hands yeah we'd do the eye gazing thing mostly we just talked and laughed and talked and giggled and talked and horsed around yeah we'd wrestle goddamn i loved tumbling with that girl we would roll all over her back yard my backyard her living room her bedroom my living room my bedroom sometimes my hand would slide around and touch her in those soft places sometimes she would take my hand and put them on around over all over those soft places only every now and then did we kiss but goddamn

when we kissed it was electric

i loved her maybe i still love her i really hope i do i don't really like the thought that love ends i don't think love ever ends

do you

we spoke about our dreams we spoke about our hearts we spoke about race cars and richard petty and we spoke about hunting kelly yeah she could outshoot me too and we spoke about the assholes at school and we spoke about justice yeah we did and we spoke about rock and roll and we spoke about cool wrestling holds and we spoke about her old man who was one strict bastard although he liked me i mean he didn't like me hanging with his daughter but he liked me he was friends with my old man we spoke about football mostly the high school football team we spoke about water skiiing they had a ski boat i loved water skiing with kelly rebick of halifax virginia she wasn't gorgeous in her bathing suit at age fourteen fifteen but she was beautiful we spoke about love yeah we spoke about love she was the first girl to tell me that she loved me i didn't tell her that i loved her i was afraid i didn't know what it meant but really

i loved her maybe i still love her i really hope i do i don't really like the thought that love ends i don't think love ever ends

do you

the night before we moved away from halifax virginia the night before we packed up the truck and moved back to georgia the rebicks they had us over to dinner her old man grilled steaks in their back yard me and kelly we hung out up around my house we could smell the steaks cooking on the grill from down the road one of those warm winter nights in virginia me and kelly hanging out around my back yard we had invented some game some game with a football and an inner tube sort of like a cross between smear the queer and basketball lot of body contact me and kelly something about body contact we craved we just didn't know what to do with it i guess we'd invent any sort of way to be close any sort of way

goddamn i crave her now

it was dark and we could hear our dads calling for us the steaks were ready we were wrestling on the ground near the inner tube she had me down on my back she sat on top of me

goddamn i crave her now

she sat on top of me she held my hands on the ground with her knees her hair brushed against my face as she leaned over she was two inches from my face i could smell her love i could smell her anger she leaned over she whispered to me she said please don't move a tear fell and hit my cheek she said please don't move her lips trembled she leaned over and kissed me she said please please

goddamn i crave her now

i pushed up i pushed up and rolled her over onto her back her head leaned on propped up against the inner tube i held her hands down on the ground outstretched she was so fuckng beautiful her hair spread out fanned out on the grass i said i sobbed i said i don't know what to do what do i do tell me what to do you are my best friend what do i do i don't know what to do her throat so exposed was that when i began my love affair with the throat i don't know but i do remember her throat so so well i can still see her throat it wasn't pale but it wasn't dark it was almost creamy olive velvety skin

goddamn i crave her now

i sobbed let go of her hands my face went to her throat i cried she held me she cried we lay in the grass in my backyard warm winter night in halifax virginia

we moved to georgia the next day me and kelly we exchanged letters for a while she started dating a friend of mine it hurt too much we stopped writing i never saw kelly rebick again never saw kelly rebick again

i loved her maybe i still love her i really hope i do i don't really like the thought that love ends i don't think love ever ends

do you

i put my thumb out on the highway i thought i was going to richmond virginia i thought i was going to go see jerry and the boys pig pen was long gone keith and donna were on board that's oh kay this guy pulled over some business man dressed rather nattily driving a nice cadillac he said where you going richmond i said no

i'm going to halifax virginia

i hadn't really thought about halifax virginia in a long time but somehow on that highway right outside of chapel hill north carolina right beneath a sign that said richmond virginia was so and so miles away the dude he said where you going richmond i said no

i'm going to halifax virginia

how close you going to halifax virginia he said bout thirty forty miles i'll let you off at the exit i'm sure you can get a ride from there i said cool thanks

saturday morning in chapel hill mister edmunds kelly rebick halifax bound and all that

i had to hit the road

i had to get on the highway i had to get up the road i had to just go don't you know springtime nineteen eighty one the sky parted god reached down from the heavens he said he threw half a glass of warm leftover beer in my face said wake up cocksucker time to go time to get on the road i woke up

i said yeah

pussy stretching me across a chasm woman broke my heart i broke her heart young foolish shit sex pistols screaming at me yi yi yi i'm not you're stepping stone i ain't i ain't i'm screaming bitch she screaming asshole heh i guess shit do happen she dropped my ass

yeah yeah oh kay maybe she had reason she had gone away to paris for three four months me twenty one years old with a gieger counter cock goddamn oh kay yeah she had reason

it wouldn't have worked out anyway

what the fuck i mean the woman was kind of whack what can i say i dig whacky women always i mean she did love to fuck she kind of spoiled me i mean i mean but she was kind of whack don't you know don't you understand when me and anna were a thang when me and anna were doing our relationship thang i might have i mean i just might have

dealt a little dope

and poor old anna she had a moral streak running through her yeah go figure she dug the premarital sex thing couldn't get down with the distribution of jah love hey i understand hey it's cool she anna she used to tell me she used to say now phatmike i don't want you spending that drug dealing money on me

i said baby i said baby now pay attention see this pile o' money over here that's my drug dealing money now see this pile o' money over there that's my taking out anna money she said well oh kay yeah she wasn't the sharpest tack in the box but she sure loved to fuck and hey and hey don't you know

i loved her maybe i still love her i really hope i do i don't really like the thought that love ends i don't think love ever ends

she was side one of the chasm didn't know that stella was on the other side of the gap didn't know at the time all i knew all i knew the side i left that side that had me walk the plank fuck it i danced right off that edge leapt high spread my arms wings swan dive baby the air it tasted so right god said get thee to the highway boy i jumped out of bed grabbed my things stuffed my pack pilfered some weed from my roommate took what money i had caught a ride down to eye eighty five around about the druid hills exit headed north i heard

jerry and the boys

might be playing up in richmond what the fuck seemed like the place to be smoked a phattie on the side of the road stood up stuck out my thumb choo choo baby i'm ready to ride

there's this part about hitchhiking the part about getting a ride i kind of liked the act of getting a ride that part where the car truck pulls over fifty or so feet ahead running up not knowing really who was in the car liked that funny feeling in the stomach right as i lean over to look in the window when it's time that binary moment yes or no strange fuck or good ride what are you going to do cocksucker what are you going to do good decision bad decision got to go with the gut

i've walked away

there's this part about hitchhiking that i hated the fucking waiting part standing there on the side of the road like a knot on a dog's dick thumb out hot dusty fucking bugs dancing all around interstate highways not very pedestrian friendly different time different place rain cops especially north carolina cops

stood on eye eighty five big broad georgia highway cars trucks motorcycles lonely boy i'm all alone i ain't got no home can't you see i'm a lonely boy i got shaggy long hair i got the wisp of a beard i have a bandana on my head pirate style i got two discs in my pack never know when i might come across an ultimate game i got my freestyle disc and a can of silicon spray i got my hacky sack never know when i might hook up i got some water i got some granola i got some raisins i got just a few clothes

no one is innocent

some big old black dude in a little green vee dubya bug picks me up i get in we get going up the road we get past the perimeter he puts his hand on my thigh i look at him he looks at me i say dude he says but you're wearing an earring i say dude he pulls the car over i get out

no one is innocent

friday friday it's still early what class am i missing what the fuck i'm chasm diving today god had mandated today chasm diving day i'm still sailing i pull out my freestyle disc give it a good spray with silicon wipe it clean give it a spin or two the traffic creates some cool wind drafts do my thing play my own little guitar pop pop crackle around the back through the legs concave chest roll flip roll and flying guidis goddamn

remember when fuck remember when

the magic it just used to be there goddamn i miss the magic that body magic i could leap twist spin roll i could fucking pirouette with that disc i do miss the magic pussy and disc disc and pussy both so magically delicious

car with a couple of stoners pulls over i get into the back seat it stinks like sweat and beer and weed and dogs long gone and mud and shit where ya going i hear there's a show in richmond they say yeah that's what we hear we're only going to chapel hill i say cool they don't say much for a while passenger guy he lights a joint passes it back i smoke they smoke he lights another i smoke they smoke they don't say much we get up into north carolina driver guy he says

i gotta make a stop pick up a friend

i say cool they pull off the highway near around kings mountain in some little town we wind around some carolina country road pull in through some neighborhood up some gravel drive passenger guy he walks up to the door ding dong two return to the car small wiry guy gets into the back seat with me nods i nod driver guy he says yo what's happening wiry guy says not much got my sheet driver guy hands him a big manila envelope wiry guy pulls out a sheet of blotter paper two big squares torn out

wiry guy looks at me i shrug wiry guy looks into the rear view mirror driver guy grins methinks he might be tripping meknows the cocksucker is tripping dude i say dude he grins he has a beautiful smile stretches up to his ears big old teeth like francis the talking fucking mule wiry dude says don't worry man this man my man he can drive blindfolded on these roads

chasm diving baby

we pass back by king's mountain for the first time i notice we're driving mighty slow maybe forty maybe forty five tops anarchy in the you kay baby god save the queen might as well might as well cause he ain't saving me goddamn takes us all day to get to chapel hill driver guy and passenger guy they don't say much they are focused baby they are very focused me and wiry guy we just hang in the back smoking joint after joint after joint after joint yeah we smoke cigarettes we talk shit we talk story we talk women he asks if i have a girlfriend

i say no

he says yeah we end up hanging out in a park on the carolina campus throwing the disc they could do a little freestyle not styling like my phatself but they could at least slide me some spin pop me some zees the trippin twins they like me to throw it long they run they run they run up and down the field in some sort manic hallucinogenic stupor

driver guy ran into a trash can

knocked it over spilled trash all over the place took him nearly twenty minutes to pick it all up one little piece at a time hey man i have to get it just right don't you know

lost friday afternoon lost friday evening they invite me to hang with them for the evening they tell me the dead show ain't until saturday night i got plenty of time to get to the dead show i say cool i'll hang i'll hang we end up at someone's apartment we end up at someone's house we end up in some bar we end up back at the house pssenger guy has dropped another tab he's jumping on a trampoline in the back yard he soars like an eagle he soars like a pelican he soars like an albatross he soars like a fucking lump of coal comes down hard misses the trampoline breaks his wing

why do you think they call it dope

why

wiry guy and driver guy they pick up passenger guy they give him a beer his shoulder looks fucked up no blood but man that fucker ain't supposed to look like that it ain't some big redneck bubba motherfucker comes walking up the pupils of his eyes bigger than my frisbees some girls whisper that he's in med school he walks up to passenger guy puts one hand behind the poor dude's shoulder blade the other in front he does this like violent motion passenger guy his eyes roll he slumps a bit wiry guy he yells

hey what the fuck

bubba fucker doesn't even glance his way he just drops passenger guy driver guy and some girl catch him passenger guy he says

whoa

wiggles his shoulder a bit and tries to climb back up on the trampoline the music never stopped love and rockets i ended up sitting under a tree kissing some girl she was drunk i was drunk she was stoned i was stoned she spoke to me i heard a dude's voice it was a dude's voice her boyfriend or some variation thereof stood above us she stammered i said

dude

she took his hand got up left i waved goodbye driver guy and wiry guy come up say they say hey we're taking off want to crash at our place i say nah can you just drop me off in a field somewhere near the highway i want to get an early start tomorrow they said yeah i said cool i wish i remembered their names what the fuck they dropped me off i fell asleep in some field woke up the next morning hungover dried grass stuck to my hair my clothes my lips chapped cars zooming by wasn't really a field it was the grassy side junk yard of some roadside gas station

close enough

i needed to shit probably needed to hurl what the fuck i went into the station bought some gas station coffee worst fucking coffee in the world worst fucking coffee ever brewed i had three cups the gas station dude he kept pouring talking i went out to the highway pointed my thumb north

chasm jumping god calling get thee to the highway and all that