gotta getta gun gotta getta gun gimme the gun gimme gimme got up early went for a long run down by the water me and my man pete puffing like horses at the glue factory as we headed up the fort mason hill
pete he says between wheezes he says giving up cigarettes after i finish writing this next book he turned around before i did i went on around to yacht harbor headed to the club took a swim the water bordering around fifty maybe fifty one i hadn't been in the water haven't been splashing around with my lovely goddess since before the new year
since before christmas even
i mean i paddled about a bit when i broke my ribs around turkey day one and only youngest son cracked them but but but it ain't the same been a long time been a long time been a lonely lonely lonely been too long to have been out of the water that long thinking i could just slide back in and everything
just be all right
goddamn it was cold chilly chilly cold goose pimply cold popsicle cold pete my man pete he said yeah seems like it warmed up a bit fuck you pete only made it like fifteen minutes before i tucked my tail between my legs crawled out of the water and shivered in the sauna for a bit
i'll be back tomorrow and this week though got to get
acclimated
probably got too cold because the goddess she got a little pissed at me a little peeved i've been ignoring her haven't been paying her the attention she so well deserves so it being sunday we attended the church of the south end rowing club hung out on the roof soaked in the rays meditated with a little kind green bud kneeled before my lady begged her forgiveness
oh goddess i have been absent i have been away please forgive me my tresspasses
i think she will she ain't some angry baptist god she my lovely of lovelies walked around to jack's for coffee jack's wasn't open we drank shitty coffee from some dank crepe place in a wagon in the plaza del monte plaze when the fuck did that happen del monte del monte it's like product fucking placement everywhere but not a fucking drop of coffee to drink sat around a table out in del monte plaza a bit listening to some dude standing on a stage playing his guitar selling his see dees we bought a couple what the fuck five dollars not a great see dee i've paid way more for way less
hung out in the hood in the haight at a b-ball tourney most of the afternoon heard a tale of murder and mayhem kid on youngest son's team had a cousin who was shot outside a club shot in the head over a woman man oh man fucking eh fucking eh shot right in the head bang bang goddamn chitty chitty bang bang shitty shitty gang bang
big tee she says my nephew he got himself shot christmas night christmas day he came by the house he and his friends they ate all our food they went out christmas night went to the
velvet lounge
don't know the whole story don't know the low down don't know the broader story don't know much except big tee sitting there next to us at the b-ball game we hug we kiss we say hey how are you she says
oh
ain't been a good holiday ain't been a good one at all my nephew my sister's kid my boy's cousin he got himself shot got himself shot right in the head bang bang shot him twice in the head got to be pretty pissed off to shoot someone
twice
in the head ain't no accident when you get shot twice in the head you get shot twice in the head someone somebody they wanted you dead
something about a girl something about some girl this guy that guy this girl shit didn't use to be that way use to be couple of guys they might get into a fight might throw some fists now they just pop pop pop
fuck
our boys lost the game championship game in the tourney lost is a kind word got their butts handed to them on a platter under glass it happens can't win 'em all can't win 'em all
big tee's nephew he didn't win young boys with guns they won round one that ain't right guns don't kill people criminals kill people back in the day back in the day guys didn't shoot up other guys they just swung fists now they sling bullets bang bang goddamn ain't the gun's fault no reason to stop selling guns hell if we didn't sell them they'd just buy them from someone else hell
what the fuck
dead men tell no tales dead men don't fuck with your girlfriend what the fuck
day ended with big sky big pink sky out by the beach clouds went forever went forever and all that
some.times you just got. you just fucking got. to throw away the. rules ,,, goddamn.
ever notice. when you say the word. pleasure. notice the lips. notice the shape. notice the motion the tongue starts in the back of the mouth with the pucker pucker pucker of the pee slides forward across the roof of the mouth come on now draw it out now come on now across the roof of the mouth hits the back of the teeth
puh le
then with the sure on the end the lips open up open up come together and opens up slightly parted slightly parted can't you see it can't you feel it like eating pussy ain't it like nibbling nectar come on say it mo better when you murmur maybe hum when you say it mo better buttah when you murmur when you hum when you say it as you eat that pussy
puh le szhure puh le szhure puh le szhure pussy please your pussy the two words seem to go together pussy and pleasure don't you know
some.times you just. puh le szhure da pussy. ain't it good ain't it right ain't kind of connecting with god. goddamn.
,,,
some.times you just got. to throw away the. rules. color. outside the, lines:::color mine green green like stella's eyes green like shimmer shimmer sprouting of the shoot shooting of the sprout up and out of the white white snow ever ever ever wonder eat a tangerine lovely lovely purse your lips puh le szhure the tangerine juicy juicy suck the juice the tongue starts in the back of the mouth with the pucker pucker pucker suck it in suck it in sweet sweet sugary juices some.times you just got. to throw away the rules. color. outside the lines:::color mine blue like the sky over your shoulder as you ride me ride me ride me in the field toss your head toss your hair toss your love my way
grass stains on my jeans
make a new color running up running up running up to the stop light they count for us now four three two one zede green yellow red baby no cars to the left of me no cars to the right of me a little innocent jay walking it starts there it all starts there steal a toke steal a toke ahhh some.times you just got. to break the fucking. rules. ,,,;;;
puh le szhure is where you find it where you need it sometimes it's the dark dark night soft night shadows dancing traffic noise in the back in the front in the all around reaching down below the covers so warm so warm find yourself find myself grab hold hang on i fall so easily grab hold hang on puh le szhure is so where i am where i was where i am going do the loose dry slide stroke stroke i kiss the darkness lips murmuring puh le szhure the darkness so sexy so seductive so so so what so it's everything i ever dreamed great googly mooglies i do so easily fall victim to my own seductive secrets soulful secrets a wink a witty remark don't get too wierd with myself
i save that for you
i know. how. much you like. to break the rules.
deep deep deep within the darkness of your heart deep deep deep within the darkness that is when you. do. the breaking. of rules. of hearts. of innocence. life is so distracting you got to let yourself be swallowed up by the darkness you got to let yourself be swallowed. up. by the darkness everyonceinawhilethedarknessjustfucksyouup puh le szhure better than morphine mo better buttah my meat slice you slice you up slice through you like buttah
dig dat
nickname me smiley and i will grin giggle gloat toss my head. fucking break. the rules. color. outside the. lines::make mine purpleredorange like the color. of the sky sloppily sitting setting sunset session over the water over the horizon bleeding bleeding bleeding sundown sun gone down gone down long down down where do the pelicans fly glide soar at night love me lurve me throw me a curve throw me a curse throw me to the wolves throw me into that briar patch said
brer rabbit
to the tar. baby. some.times. color. outside the lines ,,, and all that.
i looked down upon her swollen self said i want to eat your pussy like it was my own she said smiling she said kind of like a grin she said giggling girl giggle goddamn grinning she said eat me to the bone take me all when you reach my heart make it quick painless
please
eat me i like my steak with a lot of pink almost red almost arrrrgh i'm tired it's ten thirty at night haven't been to sleep since nineteen seventy three maybe two maybe four just got back from
vegas baby
so much young tender flesh it makes my head spin makes my tongue twirl makes me dream up such conversations that never occurred only occurred drifted oozed down into my weakness sitting at a table in aa jay's steak house hard rock cafe casino senior vee pee of programming for this big ass tee vee network senior vee pee of programming for that big ass tee vee network some biz dev dude from tee vee some other biz dev dude from tee vee she be he be they be she be talking story he be they be telling stories they all got their hollywood story kato kaelin being the latest idiot actor of choice to discuss and eviscerate they've all met him he's pitched them all
if the glove don't fit you got to acquit
arrrrgh i'm tired haven't been to sleep since nineteen and eighty-one maybe two maybe four hotel beds suck as a rule even those heavenly beds at the dubya eat me to the bone take me all
my meat be mo better buttah
what doth one give up what doth one surrender
suck me dry take my juices put them in one of those plastic ice pop molds slap them in the freezer keep them on ice take me to the river wash me in the water give it back give it back give it back
what doth one give up what doth one surrender
i want to eat your pussy like it was my own she said smiling she said singing sure
go ahead i'm dreaming
cheating cheating cheating i cheat myself i mean i ain't good at much i mean i don't swim so fast i don't run so fast i don't dance so well i ain't allowed to use power tools might just hurt myself don't you know shit even stella she says i ain't so good in the sack i think she just saying that though she just don't want me getting
the big ol head
walking about strutting about like some dang peacock spread them feathers brother let the sun shine in let the sun shine in let it shine let it shine she know i whip her cream melt her butter tickle her fancy she simply sez shit i say
goddamn
ain't good at much but i can dance in black and white i can do the watusi wiggle with my fingers on the keyboard it feels so good when i'm in the zone when i'm singing sentences waltzing with words across screen and paper kicking back at the coffee house sitting on a rock in the woods standing at the edge of the water jotting insanity into my moleskine ain't good at much ain't good at much but but but every now and then every once in a while i can string a lie spin a yarn puff the magic dragon ain't good at much
what doth one give up what doth one surrender
getting on a plane sitting round the conference room table powerpoint on big screen standing around a tradeshow floow silicon boobies bouncing all about some chick totally naked except for a mini dress made only of see dee's loosely oh so loosely sewn together draping over her lovely lovelies getting on a plane sitting round the conference room table powerpoint on big screen tee vee more emails than i know what to do i sell them on ebay surplus mass transit yellow cabs hot coffee i'm hooked on double shot depth charges trade show booths everyone's favorite shut up and model gave out barbee dolls coming to a television screen near you
pussy don't talk it screams it moans
phone calls phone calls emails hallway conversations can't take a fucking piss without talking to my partner standing right next to me yada yada shake shake ahhh goddamn it sure feels good to take such a piss reports approvals expenses forecasts spreadsheets can't really tell you
pussy don't talk it screams it moans
i need a scream to wake me up i need a scream to get me going pump up the volume baby love keeps me up at night lust keeps me hard during the day if i don't write if i don't scribble scribble shit scribble scribble shit i go crazy
jesus he say who hath ears to hear let him hear don't be the son who buries his talents getting on a plane scribbling shit twinkle twinkle little star how i wonder how i could give a fucking shit i can fuck i can wiggle the giggle i can carve my initials in the back of your throat send you home
crying
come begging back for more jesus he say who hath ears i wanna i wanna i wanna i want you to squeeze my lemon until the juice run down my leg i can fuck i can write
shit been too busy been too tired get guilty when i do anything other than work work work fucking work been to busy been too tired meet pitch bedazzle charm curse lay down the deal do the deal do the deal ain't nothing like the deal i like the deal i like the deal like to make a little money make a little moolah but i miss me i miss my mantra miss my missing person nothing like pulling the ace of spades two spades in my hand two spades come up on the flop nothing on the turn
got to dance got to dance put on the music i just got to dance shuffle shuffle on off to buffalo hooray for hollywood deal 'em down deal 'em dirty gimme gimme gimme giggle girl giggle gal i do dig dandy dickheads i take their money but it ain't no fun unless
i can write about it every now and then
anyway got another email another call another plane to catch and all that
the waves at the beach they make me dizzy the sun hovering in its late afternoon setting couple of feet over the horizon the waves make me dizzy as they slam dance out between the cliff house and seal rock right out beyond kelly's cove banging into each other like some mosh pit at the stone on broadway in nineteen eighty two maybe three when i saw iggy pop beating himself with the microphone
ah the world the world as we know it the world as we would like it to be fuck
los gatos such a quaint little town nestled down at the edge of the valley built up into the foothills the edge of the santa cruz mountans such a quaint little town where the wealthy the nouveau riche the venture capitalists the internet wildcatters the valley bougeoisie tis truly the land of trophy wives hanging out at starbucks after their morning tennis game such a wondrous ratio of silicon inches to mercedes benze accoutrements if it can be bought it can be displayed such a disneyland of affluence to wave beneath the noses of eff oh bees fresh off the boats yes this can be your america you too can work hard attain such riches that enables allows encourages you to return home home buy a village
i remember kim bassinger don't know when eighties maybe kim bassinger she went back to georgia which is yeah i know a seventies song by cocksucking loggins and dicksucking messina i think that i use to have the live version on vinyl it near about took up one entire side the chicks they used to love that album it had a rhythm that you could fuck to kim bassinger she went back to georgia she bought her hometown lock stock and barrel
return home buy the old village liberate and enslave the entire population yeah
china
read in the dubya ess jay this morning the other morning that good ol microsoft that fine icon of american wealth itself that fine example of american know how of american business acumen that citizen of the world seems they decided it a good business decision to delete a blog written by this guy in beijing this guy zhao jing dude worked for the new york times this thirty year old journalist writing about some editor of some beijing newspaper being fired deleted the blog microsoft dude he said
this is a complex and difficult issue said brooke richardson group product manager for em es en in seattle he said they had no choice he said
they had to obey the law of the land
i remember a few months ago yahoo went a step further fucking gave up a guy tossed him over like a rag doll turned over the identity of this guy shi tao seems old shi tao had been spreading the word about some party shenanigans seems old shi tao motherfucker been writing reports on some well shall we say methods the party was going to use on people in tiananmen square fifteenth anniversary just having passed last year put old shi tao in jail gave the motherfucker ten years for
sedition
jerry yang he explained it all though jerry yang see ee oh of yahoo yeeha yahoo he explained it all made sense of it don't you know hey what could we do it was the law of the land we have to abide by the law of the land he said
they had to obey the law of the land
before dubya dubya two i remember a story back in the fatherland that good old american company that staunch corporate citizen eye bee em they went and sold old adolph and the boys a tabulating machine kind of an early computer this here old tabulating machine now it was more than just a fancy adding machine seems this machine allowed old adolph allowed them enabled them aided and abetted them to more efficiently track organize keeps tabs upon the jews polacks commies faggots track them from ghetto to train to workcamp to gashouses
business is business i guess fuck
guns don't kill people criminals kill people that uzi is made for target practice that nine mil is only used for protection can't help it can't be bothered can't be held responsible can't help it if the stupid motherfucking kid took them down to school shot up his classmates i mean
what about liberty
don't you understand don't you know shit i remember a few years ago i remember so clearly one of those where were you when jay ef kay died moments i was sitting in an airport somewhere in some red carpt club in el aa ex watching see en en airport sitting back shooting the shit been a long day breaking news broke onto the screen columbine kids teachers getting shot up i'm there with this guy i worked with he actually lived near there two three miles away in englewood he looks at me he says
there you go watch em now
they got their opportunity to outlaw guns they're going to use this as an excuse shit it always comes to that i looked at him it had been a long day been up early at some trade show after being out late the night before i was tired had to make one of those cost benefit decisions cost of taking it up benefit of changing this asshole risk assessment on how much work it would take estimate the probability of success i looked at him i said todd you're such a fucking asshole we argued all afternoon all the way on the flight to chicago til we got off the plane
sometimes you just got to take a deep breath jump right in
had clients over in los gatos these guys from china some huge fucking city not far from the coast seems there are like thirty forty cities in china cities i've never heard mention written otherwise thirty forty cities in china with populations of ten twenty million thirty forty motherfucking new york cities just spread around the country
fucking eh
that's a lot of motherfucking people whole fucking world
had clients over in los gatos these guys from china one of them spoke a little english one of them spoke no english took them out to dinner not like los gatos is brimming with more traditional asian cuisine sure there's your chi chi asian fusion chinese not too familiar to these guys ended up going to some nice fish place closest i could figure forgot about the utensil thing the no english dude he had never been to the you ess
he had a hard time with the knife and fork
we made pleasant conversation they had kids they had homes they had cars they worried about schools they worried about taxes we didn't talk about shi tao didn't gossip knowingly about zhao jing i wanted to know if they felt the same outrage that i do when george dubya says he doesn't give a shit if wiretapping is against the law he knows what's best and beside he thinks that the reporter from the new york times who wrote about it should go to fucking jail
george dubya he got big old texas balls
i betcha yahoo would give up the reporter in a fucking heartbeat i betcha microsoft would give up the reporter in a fucking heartbeat
and here i am trying to discuss television technology with these fine gentlemen from the inner hinterlands of mainland china we got this tee vee shit it's tight the gunz makes the tee vee do all sorts of cool funky shit might even be able to make it do the moon walk hot tamale tee vee baby and here i am they are more interested in knowing how we know what tee vee is doing what whenever it and it's viewer decide to get all funky together can they know when and where
yeah yeah yeah it can
jiggy jiggy piggly wiggly if our shit can let you know family guy one is getting all funky with family gal two via the television set am i any different than old eye bee em yeah yeah it can ain't nobody been sent to prison yet ain't nobody been sent to the gashouse yet ain't nobody lost their job yet but then on the other hand it ain't out there yet going to be out there very very soon jiggy jiggy piggly wiggly give em up give em up
what about liberty
business is business what the fuck i'm still going to sell them da shit what the fuck what the fuck i ain't even going to rationalize it i ain't even going to try and give it the old shit if i don't someone else will shit i ain't even i'm just going to sell them the shit guess we all can't cure cancer it's just fucking tee vee geezus fucking tee vee christ sake
got to obey the law of the land and all that
happy happy merry merry jingle in your bell drink up smoke down hey it's new years i think i might wear a hat i think i might indeed
a fine lid
acquired down on valencia street hey it's new years that fine haberdashery down in the mission one good thing about music when it hits you feel no pain
a fine lid
beneath which i can contemplate i can cogitate i can resolve i can come to suitable resolution with myself with my maker with my mate with my world tis the time of year tis the season tis that point in the continuum that black depth of nothingness you must make a decision it's yours to make you are standing on the precipice all that shit has been running flowing rushing avalaching i don't care if it ain't a verb all that fucking shit knee deep in your own personal katrina ca ca do you make the leap do you have the balls can you will you are you do you have you do you have the strength the fucking gumption or are you a
fucking pussy
doomed to groundhog day same old shit same bat time same bat channel fucking syssy pantywaist limpwrist pussy flexlite fucking motherfucker your momma still wipes your ass cuts your meat leans over kisses your forehead while she tucks you into your comfy bed whispers to you did you really brush your teeth sweetie or did you just wet your brush
it's the struggle baby
just reach out there grab it sometimes it's just a pretzel ring can't always be the bronze ring never go wrong with the pretzel ring never go hungry with a pretzel ring keeps you around keeps you fed keeps you ready fueled for the next jump got to keep on jumping got to keep on grabbing got to keep on with them lords a leaping baby one day that brass ring it just floats into that grasp into those weary fingers one day it's just there
and there you are
hey it's new years i'm wearing my hat
a fine lid indeed
beneath which i do resolve
double up triple up quadruple up seven up baby the uncola gotta focus more on the golden rule thing number one task for this list this resolution i'm going to get down on it every morning as i open my eyes i'm going to say to myself maybe even out loud whisper to myself whisper
so as not to wake stella
open my eyes reflect on the day before ask myself what i could have done better how i could have behaved more appropriately how i could have been a better person how i could have perhaps gone out of my way to help out another fellow human being red and yellow black and white we are precious in his sight how i could have better adhered to that sweet sweet golden rule should i have smiled to that guy on the sidewalk should i have said bless you to the woman who sneezed on the bus should i have waited another thirty seconds count them it's an eternity sometimes should i have waited another thirty seconds held the door open for the dude with the packages
should i have written president bush asking him to bring our troops home
open my eyes ask myself lessons learned don't want to trip out or anything don't want to obsess or anything don't want to dose up on anxiety or anything just want to do a little reflection just want to do a little assessment a calm reflection just want to ask myself
just want to know what i can do today that i didn't do yesterday that will make the neighborhood a better place to live
dig
i mean shit i ain't going all religious i aint' popping up saying that i've seen the light that i've now got a personal relationship with jesus i'm now committed to telling the world about it i mean shit let's get real now let's be just a little bit serious here folks
let's see how it goes
i just want to find i just need to find i just got to find that inner light thing i think sitting with my friend the toy man a couple of weeks ago talking about shit talking about god my friend the toy man being my personal rabbi not that he's a rabbi methinks his thoughts as unpure as mine or as pure as mine if you consider my thoughts of pure unadulturated lust for breasts that bounce down the sidewalk that shit it's pure emotion being my personal rabbi he says toy man he says you just got to take that first step got to find that thing you can do
every day
every fucking day no excuse like taking a morning shit got to keep yourself regular got to keep things flowing don't want to have that shit back up so to speak so to say don't matter what it is just pick something do it maybe it's getting down on your knees and saying the shema maybe it's just saying the golden rule over and over and over again say ten say twelve times be a good hebish example for the kids do it
eighteen times
when i was twenty twenty-one i took a quarter off from school winter quarter went home to valdosta georgia got a job at the sports desk at the valdosta daily times every tuesday and friday i'd go down man the phones talk to the local basketball coaches they'd phone in the scores give me the highlights i'd turn it into a story once a week i went out wrote a
feature story
one story i wrote was an interview with the basketball coach of the local christian academy editor wanted an angle wanted the motivating factor wanted a story about drive i asked the coach for an inspirational story the coach asked me if i had accepted jesus christ into my life i tried to be diplomatic kind of ignore the question focused in on my story he wouldn't let it up wouldn't let it go guess he found himself a mission a raison d'etre for the day he asked me again again i finally said yeah coach i let the jay man into my life he's sitting right over there next to fucking buddha satan and ted williams
coach he called my editor told him i was an arrogant shit
shit spring quarter was going to start in a couple of weeks anyway what the fuck what the heck what the what
inner light
hell i'll be happy if i can just find my pen hell i just want to find my subject verb conjugation conditional subject verb i just want to find my voice haven't found my voice in a two three four week seems the ride across the gulf kind of lost my voice don't know where it went trying to blame the job too fucking busy too many fucking things going on i can barely manage my life this business it's sucking away my life sucking away my juices where did those juices go i don't know wish they were splattered across some nice
pair of tits
got to jump got to leap pretzel rings they go mighty fine with a cock and bull ginger beer don't you know don't you knock it til you try it keep on jumping try on a new pair of jumping shoes every now and then like those new lime green adidas the ones with the yellow stripes
three of them
like the trinity the shoe the stripe the limes from whence they came inner light inner outie kosmic car ma ma mia lawdy lawdy three part harmony baptize me in the river jordan host of hosts john the baptist bring me his head on a plate maybe with a little caesar's dressing sprinkled on those curly locks crown me baby make me a king
best to resolve that shit best to come to some sort of resolution make a list check it twice get naughty get nice and naughty crack the code crack the corn jimmy cracked corn and he don't fucking care early in the morning
amen
beneath the hat a mighty fine lid beneath the hat cogitating contemplating resolving yeah yeah eat better floss more often lose some weight work hard play hard eat hard sleep hard grow big wear glasses if i need 'em i guess i do need 'em i wear 'em kind of a silly motto but it's kind of grown on me over the years over easy over and over and over and out ten four roger good buddy pedal to the metal in the rocking chair smokey on the prowl boy you in a heap of trouble
hey it's new years golden rule lost voices brass rings and all that
