lest i forget lest we remember it only too well only so well that it all comes out fluffy and light light like a sara lee cake like a ho ho like a ding dong like a well fucked pussy

last we visited last we heard last rites the sacrament of extremeunction was muttered over the lighting over the rhythmic clicking of the bic our heroes they passed out in a cloud of smoke in a non-smoking room at the marriott resort in panama city non-smoking since that's what's on my marriott marquis gold club membership profile always good for upgrades at your finer hospitality establishments where not only can you find the holy bible but also the book of mormon not to be confused with the look of marmot which i understand is so in this year especially in the chillier climes of which panama city florida is not one

no baby we have the top down we're up early in the morning it's a scramble to see who is first to defile the bathroom as the grease and its accompanying meat from the night before flow in full moon tidal form through our systems barbarians at the gate indeed all it needs is a small cup of hotel-room brewed coffee right out of the cellophane wrapper complete with filter to get it going i have to light another bowl to keep from passing out

we drive down to the marina the old man in his urn strapped into the back seat of the car the convertible toyota solara we stop in at jimmiejoebob boat marina and hacky sack store run by this heavy metal chick in a black metallica is there any other color sleeveless tee shirt mandatory tatoos and black leather bracelet

nice tits

along with her brother cousin husband who the fuck knows it's north florida it's the redneck riviera he could be all three at the same time didn't check didn't look between his toes didn't really get the chance we rented this flat bottomed pontoon boat seats twelve comfortably it's just me and brother and the old man he ain't taking up much space he's kind of burnt out today don't you know the dude the brother cousin husband he says as we take off from shore he says hey you need to stop and get gas at that marina over there just tell the guy to put it on our bill

we say oh kay

the guy at the marina he doesn't say oh kay he says i ain't giving you no gas unless you pay cash those guys over there have been cut off we don't give them nothing without green american cash we get twenty bucks' worth of premium grade gasoline made especially for sluggish pontoon boats the kind of boat that is supposed to go in water although this one might be a little suspect

we head out brother drives for a while i load a bowl we have to squat down behind the wheel so the wind doesn't blow the lighter some big ass ship is coming in through the channel lays down a wake that gets us rocking and rolling we secure the old man hate to lose all of him right here and now i mean he's still in that urn kind of like being trapped down in old davey jones's locker if that fell over kind of airtight i imagine we smoke another bowl

we pull into a little cove out near the opening to the gulf

white beaches white dunes singing sand i recall kind of squeaks when you walk on it silicon sand not quartz sand white so white bleached by the sun by her son dolphins jumping jumping jumping like so many sleek leathery gray esther williams gliding up and into and through the breaking water sky so blue so blue forever until it slides down and meets the sand which slides into the green green water these crazy white sea birds don't know know what they're called soaring up and then screaming down into the green chop like tiny kamikazes soaring up tucking their wings screaming down thirty forty feet up splash up and out

and again

we stop the boat we cut the motor that is the boat it keeps moving this way and that drifting like the two sons of this old man burnt to a crisp in his heavy blue urn complete with screw on lid brother bought it on eee bay baby we cut the motor we unscrew the top we tell dad we tell daddy that we love him we tell daddy that we hope this spot is good we tell daddy that this current will take him all over the gulf we tell daddy we tell daddy we tell daddy

we hug but there are no tears it's done

we let pour most of the ashes into the water we save a little bit still more miles to drive in our white toyota solara convertible complete with religious radio we let pour we hug but there are no tears it's done for now we smoke another bowl

we return to shore

we're in the car and heading north toward dothan alabama by noon time truckin' got my chips cashed in stop for lunch barbecue sandwich brunswick stew cole slaw ice tea that's sweet tea baby later that day we get some boiled peanuts sold on the side of the road by the two old guys skin blacker than black teeth whiter than white just like the toothpaste got us some boiled peanuts and some cane juice

man oh man that cane juice is the best stuff i ever let slip through my lips when i find pussy tastes this sweet i know i am fucking god herself we me and my brother we drink a half gallon in about five miles that's in between bowls of course

drive up the road drive up the highway sign it says alabama the beautiful welcome to alabama

another sign up the road it says saturday is the lord's day sunday is the mark of the beast me and brother look at each other we're glad it's saturday damn i do enjoy and admire a little passion leave dothan drive straight up into the middle of nowhere

but in that nowhere you can buy fireworks alabama the beautiful

lots of cotton white tops far as the eye can see goddamn where are the slaves when you need one far as the eye can see goddamn in either direction i feel deep nostalgia for the days when i was younger when i was young and black and carried a bag on my shoulder and called the dude on the tractor

bossman

another sign it says we will prevail god bless america there is a picture of a jet airplane you ess air force type missiles and guns and such wildness

another sign it says owner operators wanted home every night another says david dobey ford abbeville another says county line deer processing another says county line primitive baptist church another says morning grove missionary baptist church another says pleasant hill baptist church

welcome

we slide into cuthbert all covert like cross the bridge over from eufala cross over lake eufala on the other side on the georgia side it's called the walter eff george reservoir maybe they're two different bodies of water who knows we slide into cuthbert all covert like it's after four in the afternoon we don't want to call anyone we got nothing to say we are almost numb we don't want to stay which one would we call what would we say we don't call anyone we just slide into cuthbert all covert like

we make our way around town around to the other side of town over to east side we make our way without going around the square we go the back road hell the whole goddamn area is a back road we slide past the jail the cuthbert city jail it's saturday afternoon it's visiting time families lined up on one side of the fence families i mean women and children they're lined up on the street side of the fence the fence with the loops of barbed wire sitting so peacefully on top gleaming new and shiny in the late fall afternoon men in orange jumpsuits  on the other side

one guy and one girl are kissing through the little chain link holes in the fence

we find the cemetery we ride around for a while looking for momma's grave we stop smoke a bowl ask this guy who seems to be cleaning up after a funeral he rubs his jaw he says oh yeah miz hazel she be over here with her momma and daddy we find her there she is we pour the rest of the old man atop the grave we spread the ashes i spread them with my hand

it feels like my dad

we leave cuthbert we speak to no one not even to each other we don't cry we're big boys now we're men we're orphans of the world we don't stop the car until we get to enterprise alabama we stop and go bowling we bowl three games my brother beats me two games to one i argue that the first game doesn't count the first game is always a warm up game he tells me to go to hell

we listen to the georgia auburn game on the radio we listen all the way across alabama auburn wins it ain't right the old man hated auburn it ain't right we pull over in mobile the mobile holiday inn we check in we ask the babe behind the counter where to go eat she says honey you are in the armpit of mobile

we retire to the lounge of the holiday inn of mobile alabama no one there on a saturday night maybe a few locals a woman in a black miniskirt and go go boots and a big cell phone and big hair across the street to waffle house for eggs grits and bad coffee nothing like a waffle house at midnight

blood sweat and tears comes on the juke box brother he says drinking his coffee he says david clayton thomas knocked out scotty's two front teeth i say

no shit

brother he was working bar back at pappa joe's in valdosta gee aa david clayton thomas was on one of those third rate reunion tours traveling through every shit hole town in butt fuck egypt and beyond brother's friend scotty drinking at the bar with his girlfriend dee cee hits on girlfriend scotty says something dee cee decks him knocks out his teeth

no shit

guess he didn't appreciate nor respect the women and their consorts in the quiet burg of valdosta georgia

the preacherman on the radio he says the road that starts tomorrow leads to a city called nowhere you must act now

no shit we fall asleep we pass out in a cheap holiday inn on the outskirts of mobile alabama the armpit of mobile stuck inside of mobile with the memphis blues again

georgia auburn last second field goal disappointment dolphins tears no tears and all that

jet plane delivers jet plane takes away

spent part of the late afternoon with joeperv he's a schmuck he's a fucking schmuck he plays cards with us he gives us a lot of his money we appreciate that he might argue he might say hey i win my fair share well joeperv baby let me tell you let me tell you well let me just say you don't but

that don't mean we don't love you man

spent part of the late afternoon with joeperv he's a schmuck he's a fucking schmuck his one and only daughter is best friends with my one and only daughter joeperv he lives down in the lower haight he's got this cool dig up a couple flights of stairs in the lower haight got himself a loft for a bedroom he's the fucking urban dude

he wears a hat all fifties sinatra style i think those stompers are doc's don't know for sure though

spent part of the late afternoon with joeperv he's a schmuck he's a fucking schmuck we went to vegas together once along with sandman and the crazy irish cop-ex-cop did the fear and loathing on the road to las vegas trip in our rented white lincoln we smoked copious amounts of weed and told actual and wannabe and totally fabricated stories of perversion and debauchery and depravity and we laughed and we had long moments of stoned desert highway silence muffled silence muffled by miles and miles and miles and miles of shit and sand and snakes and succulents

and some sick moments of honesty

spent part of the late afternoon with joeperv he's a schmuck he's a fucking schmuck he has cancer they just told him he told his one and only daughter who told my one and only daughter who told stella who told me when i got back from new york the last time i was in new york which was just a fucking week ago he has this cancer thing i called him up i called him up i say so what's with this cancer thing he says yeah i got this cancer thing i said jesus fucking christ what are you fucking doing to me

like he's really got me in mind with this cancer thing going on

i said jesus fucking christ man you are fucking with me you cannot fucking do this to me i will not allow you to do this to me you motherfucker you you goddamn cocksucking asshole you cannot do this to me joeperv he says

the bullets are just flying my man i got nicked

spent part of the late afternoon with joeperv he's a schmuck he's a fucking schmuck he has cancer we spent part of the late afternoon talking about dying we talked about shit we talked about living a good life we talked about women we've fucked about women we didn't fuck but wanted to fuck we talked about bullets flying we talked about ducking the bullets we talked about fate we talked about our daughters driving

we talked about health insurance

spent part of the late afternoon with joeperv he's a schmuck he's a fucking schmuck he has cancer he's waiting to find out what kind of chemofuckingcocktail he's going to be taking he's all of a sudden very knowledgeable about shit that i don't want to be very knowledgeable about not in that intimate sort of way he's telling me numbers and occurrences and likelihood i mean we're talking probability statistical shit the median survival rate as applied to various age and gender and ethnic groups

probafuckingbility

i guess we're always just a statistical occurrence away from mortality i walk out the back door of the southend rowing club walk down the beach and into the water i could very easily drown walk out the front door of the southend rowing club walk across the street and i could very easily be run down by some drunken tourist some tourista from the buena vista cafe who just had to have his fifth irish coffee before getting into his rented white saturn economy class from avis getting into his rented white saturn and running my forty-something white heterosexual male ass over i mean it's the equivalent of running over a snail darter we're both fucking endangered

spent part of the late afternoon with joeperv he's a schmuck he's a fucking schmuck his one and only daughter is best friend's with my one and only daughter they went to kindergarten together they went to jew school together they got bat mitzvah'd close together they go to high school together they went to israel together they spend hours on the phone together hell they are probably doing more together than i want to know i'm scared to know

at least they're together

spent part of the late afternoon with joeperv he's a schmuck he's a fucking schmuck we rolled a very large phattie from his very special stash we kicked back flicked the bic inhale yah bra' yah rasta puff billowing out jah is good we talk about panic we talk about moments of panic i am reaching for analogy any analogy so i can say to him yah man i want to feel for you i want to understand but

i can't

i can't really understand i can only pretend to understand he knows that and he's cool about it he knows that he will do this himself he will do this with friends by his side me included but he knows that he will do this himself and by himself and he knows that it will suck he knows that the chemo will suck he knows that all this shit will suck and at the end either he will live or he will die

what the fuck what the fuck

spent part of the late afternoon with joeperv he's a schmuck he's a fucking schmuck he's fucking pissing me off and all that

shit fuck damn hell bastard motherfucker cocksucker goddamn thanks sweet goddess thank you for what we have for this bountiful feast set before us thank you

yes dear goddess you have robbed us this year you fucked us oh yes you did and for that we're pissed we're sitting around this table we're sitting around this table trying to smile trying to make nice but below the surface just below the skin simmering simmering we're pissed you flew in this year you took away loved ones you fucked with our heads you fucked with our livelihoods you even tried to fuck with our dogs

jesus fucking christ

you took away my father you took away a friend you took away a sister you took away another father you have laid claim to another friend hell you even cracked my fucking rib right before i got on the plane what's that all about but but but

let me breathe

give me time to think just give me a moment just give me a minute

breathe

and i will give thanks yes i will give thanks we still have each other sitting around this table and for that i will give thanks

i will give thanks for my beautiful wife my friend my lover the mother of my children i will give thanks for her insanity for her craziness i will revel in her wisdom in her jealousies in her pettiness in her largesse in her fright of everything new and strange in her embrace of all that is familiar i will give thanks for my beautiful wife sister of those here and not here orphan daughter of those missing yes for her i do give thanks

i will give thanks for my beautiful children oldest son who has escaped our hugs who has ducked out on us after only eighteen nineteen years who has decided that he needs to leave the nest one and only daughter who is now teasing us with leaving who is growing up too fast who yesterday was my baby girl and who today is a a beautiful young woman youngest son who shakes rattles and rolls like a teenager should who shakes off the downy feathers of childhood whose tail feathers spread wide like the strong young peacock he is i cherish them i do i do i do they keep me alive even while they are almost killing me they keep me living yes for them i do give thanks

i will give thanks for my family sitting around this table we are survivors we have made it another year we have stumbled struggled fallen here somehow some way goddamn it we made it we sit around this table holding hands holding glances holding tears holding smiles telling stupid jokes grimacing at the stupid jokes allowing for the stupid jokes loving the stupid jokes for all of this i give thanks

i will give thanks for my nephews my nieces my in-laws my out-laws we fight we bicker we hug we kiss we complain we gossip we snicker we grumble we are always there for each other whether we want it or not we don't hesitate to resonate with a good fuck you but we never hold back a meaningful love you yes for them i do give thanks

i will give thanks for my brother who is still alive miracles of miracles yes he is still alive who lives his life according to his own rules who lives the outlaw life in his heart who is a cowboy without a horse who is who is sitting at another table with his family his loved ones those he loves those who love him for this i do give thanks

i will give thanks for friends those not bound by blood but only by simple feelings i will give thanks for being allowed to live in a fabulous city full of hippies and tree huggers and self-important artists and smug activists of all sorts all shapes all sizes i will give thanks for the goddess allowing me to dip into her waters when i need to walk along her shores when she calls to lay on her soft grasses in the warm sun when a leisurely moment occurs for all of this i do give thanks

i will give thanks for my dogs yes for them i do give thanks

i will give thanks for this healthy bounty placed before us i will give thanks for all that i have and i have so so much i will give thanks for the love of the goddess and the love of the gods and the trees and the grass and the air and the wiggle in the walk of those cute young things that walk before me on crowded streets may they never stop walking may they never stop wiggling i will give thanks for all of this and i will give thanks for such things that i'm too stupid too blind too much of an idiot to even notice those things right in front of my face right before my nearsighted fucking self for all of this i do give thanks

i will give thanks amen and all that

here's the thing about love that dog that low down dirty dog here's the thing about love

i don't know a thing about love i can't tell you anything about love i can't tell you hide nor hair about love i don't know shit about love i just can't i just can't i really can't explain any of those why questions why do you love me how the fuck do i know why i love you why can't the simple answer just be

because

the simple answer is just because i do

and there ain't much more to it i could write a sonnet i could write you an ode i could sing you some dark romantic ballad of longing of desire i could do the climb the highest mountain thing i could do the swim the deepest sea thing i could try to count the ways but i would fail utterly fail i can't count the stars i can't count the grains of sand on the beach i can't count

the blessings

that comfort my soul that provide succor that make me want to shake rattle and roll

here's the thing about love here's the thing about being crazy here's the thing about singing in the rain i don't know a thing about love i just know it when i see it i just know it when it hits me like stepping off the curb getting hit by a bus

jesus

that hurts

love it does hurt it does it hurts like ripping a fresh bandaid off the inside of your thigh it aches like the like the monday morning after a weekend of playing ultimate it hurts so good goddamn goddamn so good so goddamn good

she go crazy on me she go fucking nuts on me she go inside out on me she go outside in on me she go atomic on my ass she go she make me she shake me up she snap krackle and pop my cherry pop my brain like popcorn in a microwave pop pop pow pop pop pow pop pop pow she bites into my soul like she eats a mango over the sink teeth sinking in mango mango jizzle sliding oozing down her chin dripping into the pile of dirty dishes she bites into my neck with fangs dripping poisonous love goddamn love sweet fucking love i'm infected i'm ground zero in the epidemic watch out world

here's the thing here's the fucking thing about love here's the fucking thing about this dog from hell called love here's the thing about this pit bull with fucking devil's horns don't know a thing about love don't know a fucking thing about love don't want to know about love this thing this love it scares the living shit out of me don't want to know a fucking thing about love

just want to be in love

that's all don't need much don't need much else at all

blessings and all that

i know now nothing waits for me there i know now that I've nothing left behind

yeah yeah i already said it i already mentioned it just thought i'd mention it again you know kind of like when they say on tee vee when they say when last we saw our heroes when they say on previous episodes of lost just want to bring you into the picture just want to remind you where we last left this motherfucker just want to keep you in the loop

last we heard our heroes were coasting flying heading driving toward the gulf coast we get off the highway around mobile that's alabama not a dylan song we decide we opt to exit we don't want to be on the highway any longer we are after all on an adventure we are fear and loathing on the gulf coast two thousand five smoke a bowl light up a jay we pull off the highway onto highway ninety-eight headed for pensacola we pull over at a gas station

i need sour gummy worms

i need food that is the same color of these tripping colors i see from the psychedelic psychefanic psychosomatic psycho hitchcock colorform litebrite clouds above and around my head i need sour gummy worms i get the economy bag i think it's a pound of jujucolorfuckingstomachbombs a pound of sour gummy worms a quarter ounce of medical marijuana a little dab'll do ya

we enter daphne alabama it's the jubilee city there's a picture on the sign picture of a crab right in between the words entering daphne and jubilee city i'm ready for a jubilee i want to live a jubilee i want to be inside of a jubilee i want to be a jubilee i just want to sit here and murmur the word jubilee forever and a day i wonder if i sit in a dark sauna and utter the word jubilee over and over and over will i eventually be enlightened

we get a new preacher on the radio don't recall his name he talks about holy spirit schizophrenia jesus was a god who could hardly believe he was a man jesus was a man who could hardly believe he was a god i am shaken by these words he says to us to me brother to us he says let's put that in a pan and let it simmer a while

me and brother we look at each other we nod in agreement we're all about simmering we fire up a bowl

sign says krystal burger bet you can't eat just twelve we almost stop at the you ess ess alabama in mobile but the road is closed we forget it's veterans day no wonder there's so many fucking flags flying we almost stop but we don't probably a good thing don't think they'd let us smoke herb on the you ess ess alabama in mobile anyway

yeah we stay stoned it's that kind of trip stayed stoned scored a couple of bottles of kind medical sweetness delivered by a friend in san francisco thank you friend one bottle of purple haze one bottle of champagne i left the bottle of train wreck at home much to brother's chagrin i always wanted to use that word chagrin in a something i wrote makes me sound rather

sophisticated

n'est-ce pas jesus on bulletin boards everywhere stayed stoned stopped at shoney's for breakfast goddamn lit up about every hour or so after that you might say it was a hazy ride even though the top was down the sun was shining didn't eat again until we hit panama city

veterans day is a scary time to drive across the florida panhandle lots of flags lots of fucking flags flying down here driving from daphne into fairhope into pensacola yah pensacola it is fucked up like we are drive down the beach looks like slidell if the house building is standing it's got that blue tarp roof but mostly they ain't standing they may be leaning at best most of 'em they are down for the count taking the standing eight count at least they got hit on the chin they went down to the mat yah

brother he gave me a bright red leather budweiser ritz cracker napa auto parts sponsored dale earnhardt junior signature jacket so red i have to write it twice so red i have to write it twice in alabama and florida they ooh and ahhh one girl she gets mad at me she tells me she loves my jacket i laugh she says she is from fitzgerald georgia she has to like the jacket she is obligated by birth to like my jacket i smile say baby i ain't laughing at you i'm laughing at myself i don't think i make it better

she pouts that southern girl pout

i think that i might have insulted her let me say right here and now let me offer my apologies sweet sister of the south we go out we're in panama city we go to some place calling itself fred's hammerhead we eat very bad fried seafood and fried alligator no it don't taste like chicken it just tastes fried it's bad but we eat a lot of it just because you smoke good weed don't mean you munch on good food don't you know kind of an inverse relationship between the two i think

we get more stoned we make plans for tomorrow we make plans to rent a boat take the old man out on the boat we make these plans while sitting within the smoky confines of fairy tails yeah spelled it right fairy tails maybe it's head or tails i forget but it definitely has the word tails in the dee bee aaa doesn't matter it's the sleazy strip club right down the street from fred's

i mean tails is sleazy true enough not as sleazy as the clermont lounge on ponce de leon in atlanta the clermont where i used to go drink seventy-five cent buds watch the girls prance around stella she'd come with me she liked to talk to the girls i liked to watch them stella she liked to talk to the girls she'd introduce me

stella she's friendly that way

stella she liked to ask these girls who they were she wanted to know their real names wanted to know if they had family kids boyfriends arrest records these girls at fairy tails don't know if they have records we don't ask this place fairy tails yeah it's better than the clermont but not by much seems to be all natural talent no artificial ingredients no additives don't think these girls can afford it on these tips got to work here a long time save up a lot to go artificial go silicon don't know if fairy tails supports such enhancement it's better than the clermont true but

it ain't no gold club

i drink gin and tonics i don't drink i drink gin and tonics at fairy tails i smoke cigarettes i smoke so many cigarettes that my chest hurts i vow to myself i tell myself after this trip i'm done with cigarettes i'm done with drinking anyone see me with a cigarette after this kick me in the ass i drink gin and tonics we go back to the hotel i drink sambuca i smoke more cigarettes smoke so many cigarettes that my chest hurts i vow to myself i tell myself after this trip i'm done with cigarettes anyone see me with a cigarette

kick me in the ass

we stand on the balcony of the hotel room overlooking the bay we stand on the balcony smoke another few hits of kind green day one it's finally over yeah only day one only day one we pass out i don't know what time it is

i think i hope i remembered to brush my teeth

jubilee and all that

i know now nothing waits for me there i know now that I've nothing left behind

long long weekend long long drive down and around and out and about and back again it all has to start there is a beginning it cannot end until it has begun we me my brother

an urn containing my dad buckled into the back seat he was the beginning now he is dead he's more than dead but he's not dead and buried he's just dead and burned up we're on a venture our own little iliad to remedy the situation to sprinkle a little bit here sprinkle a little bit there we're on a sprinkling mission alpha omega

we are the beginning

we are at the beginning and we must find our way to the end we have no choice funny ain't it the old man he up and left us with his end now we got to finish it fucker up and died in my house out in california out in san francisco we burned him up shipped him to brother's house put him in an urn nice heavy urn with a screw-on top brother he bought it on eee bay said he got most of the old man into the urn maybe spilled a little bit we don't think the old man will mind now we're here back home nearer to home nearer my heart to thee now we're here we're going to drive me my brother we're going time to go got to go finish this thing

goddamn

yeah goddamn friday morning seven thirty i'm fairly alert coffee cup in hand coffee in cup second one of the day we sit at the table in the kitchen my brother's kitchen my brother's kitchen in my brother's house in my brother's chosen town of baton rouge that's in louisiana you may have heard of it got fucked up recently we're getting fucked up early click click sizzle the bong offers up the morning blessing we inhale it starts we have begun a couple more we're good to go top down we tear onto eye twelve heading east north side of the lake

radio on i twist the dial we get the reverend mike speaking to us he ain't the reverend phatmike but phatmike he ain't got a radio program we settle for reverend mike he talks to us in parables he talks to us through story he talks to us with authority god-given authority

not so coincidentally we pass a big church sitting up by the highway i say not so coincidentally since there are about two hundred fifty churches per square mile down here in god's country in the bible belt i wonder if the belt is made of leather i wonder if jesus had a problem has a problem with leather what with the prerequisite cow killing and all i wonder if jesus has a problem with so many churches i wonder if jesus has a problem with jimmy swaggert he was from louisiana wasn't he i wonder if jesus has a problem with jimmy swaggert and his whoring ways i wonder if jesus really cares if i smoke a lot of weed seeing as how his daddy put it on this ball of shit we call earth i mean after all didn't the bible say something i think in genesis right alongside creating the heaven and earth doesn't the good book say something about him putting the plants and herbs on earth for our benefit to use and enjoy i wonder what jesus calls it not weed but earth i wonder if he calls it earth or glomulus or planet ex twelve or maybe he calls it some wild pre-hebrew name that means big fucking pit of sin and detritus

i wonder if jesus really is on our side when we fight the bad guys in iraq

yeah big new church in ponchatula brother is driving he looks over at me he says ever hear about ponchatula let me tell you about ponchatula big old church over there they were fucking lot's of things goats dogs even little kids some kind of church huh evangelical church seems the upper echelon of this here evangelical church the church deacons so to speak

they had been fucking little kids

around here they don't smile upon such things even from the church even from the church deacons even from the church elders i mean fucking the damn goats and dogs and such that's one thing but but but

they had been fucking little kids

bout that time the good reverend mike loud and clear on the eff em radio station he says to us he says to brother and me he says to anyone out there in radioland who might be listening he says

lot of good ministry been done

we suck down a little more mary jane got some fine medical marijuana from a special friend don't take much don't take much at all just a little dab'll do you as mister brylcreme used to tell my innocent childish self way back when way back in the day maybe need to get into the wayback machine one day get back to my former innocent childish self maybe one day maybe we pull off the highway pull into shoney's we're ready for shoney's breakfast bar mmmm mmmm good so good so good for you minimum two-plater grits eggs bacon sausage ham biscuits sausage gravy pitcher of bad coffee we're back on the highway in forty forty-five minutes we hit the pipe and are at the next rest area within ten minutes that breakfast it wants to pass right through us like moses passing through the red sea part the waters baby thank god the reverend mike he's still preaching damn i'm impressed that boy can talk

brother pulls off the highway again in slidell we ain't in any hurry we head down toward the lake that's lake pontchartrain he points at a whole lot of nothing i take in a whole lot of nothing breathe in a whole lot of nothing embrace the sense of nothing then sort of see that there used to be a whole lot of something here piles of rubble all about some of it smoking next to the water there are the twisted ruins of homes stores docks bricks shingles cinder blocks plumbing wiring black tar paper shingles a bathtub some sinks lots of splintered planks and beams everything black with mud we drive around the lake a little

brother's brother-in-law he lives in slidell he had a nice house he's living in an are vee parked in his front yard now two days after he got his are vee the fema boys asked him if he wanted a fema trailer he said no got me an are vee don't need no motherfucking fema box in my yard thank you

whole lotta nothing going on baby whole lotta nothing

we head back toward the highway stop at the mississippi welcome center get us a map we still don't know where we're going i ask brother so which direction he says don't care which way you want to go i say well nothing says we got to drive straight to cuthbert we don't have to drive right there momma she's there in the ground don't think she's impatient she never was the impatient type

my momma she never even spanked us i'm talking a time i'm talking about a place when everyone got spanked my momma she didn't spank us well there was a couple of times when i just really pissed her off she ran after me with a flyswatter but hell i'm surprised she didn't beat us with a two by four the shit we pulled my momma she's not the impatient type

we decide to play it by ear

we stop at the mississippi welcome center big old state patrolman standing in there flirting with the lady behind the counter he says dang it alice if they didn't make me take my shoes off right there in the security line just to take a gosh darned trip over to atlanta we had some special training made me take off my boots right there just to get on a plane

those ragheads they caused this

we got us a map we need one with mississippi alabama florida the only one they have with mississippi alabama florida on it is a cracker barrel map the thing is the thing about this map is that the only towns listed on the cracker barrel map are towns where they have cracker barrel stores

there ain't no cracker barrel in cuthbert

they got a fried chicken place in cuthbert they got a pig and pit barbecue hut in cuthbert they got a tillman's restaurant in cuthbert my grandma she used to have a little diner in cuthbert but she's dead too she's there next to my momma there in cuthbert they got a top bait shop in cuthbert they got a bottom bait shop in cuthbert my uncle ben used to run bottom bait but he's dead we poured his ashes in some bend in some creek outside cuthbert they got a place where you can take tea it's on the square in cuthbert they ain't got no cracker barrel in cuthbert

they got a cracker barrel in panama city florida we decide maybe it's a good idea to go to panama city first so we do we get back in the car we look at our watch hell it had been another sixty minutes or so time to fire up another one time to hit the pipe time to suck on the little one hitter

ain't easy hitting the pipe whilst driving a convertible white solara convertible with vee six very nice stereo at that ain't easy hitting the pipe whilst driving a convertible at eighty miles per down the highway we decide a little jane's addiction should replace the reverend mike shit the good reverend he is fading his radio signal it is fading anyways ain't easy hitting the pipe at eighty miles per but jane's helps hey daddy it's shake and bake and i helped

goddamn

we loaded up the car we pointed it down toward the gulf coast and all that

yeah don't you know don't you know stopped at the texaco on the corner right outside the baton rouge airport popped my trunk was digging through my suitcase looking for a little bit of weed young dude comes walking up out of the dark young dude walks up talks me up he's country street he lays down a line he's there from new orleans he gives me the story

i'm such a fucking sucker

he gives me the refugee story i talk him up i ask him how it was he says it sucked i give him the understanding nod knod not understanding though not knowing anything near the fuck he went through

or if he even went through it and he's laying down the line on the visiting white dude in the rental car shit i lay out five buck anyway i'm such a fucking sucker my brother he tells me so he says your such a fucking sap i'd have told him to go get him some of that fema money bring me some back with it

i'm such a sucker but anyway

louisiana convertible rental car from hertz a bucket of weed a box of cigarettes couple of lighters bong couple packs of rolling papers a couple of maps fuck all we need is an ammo belt filled with nitrous cartridges and two barely legal nymphomaniac hitchhikers

i ask brother i say hey did you call the folks in cuthbert tell them we're coming in he said no i didn't call them i was afraid they'd have some preacher waiting there by the graveside i said yeah i didn't call them either when you think we ought to let them know we're coming into town he my brother he said i don't know let's just play it by ear i said sounds good to me

we're driving from baton rouge to new orleans down across the gulf follow eye ten east til we get to oh i don't know til we get to one of those backroads that goes up through southeastern alabama lower alabama ell aa on across the bridge over to fort gaines in georgia on down into cuthbert

i'm a going to have me some cornbread i'm a going to let my accent flow back through me i'm a going to oggle the colored girls i'm a going to oggle the cute country chicks i'm a going to have me some catfish fried with them hushpuppies maybe a little cole slaw on the side

i ask brother i say hey did you call the folks in cuthbert tell them we're coming but i'm thinking i don't really care i'm thinking i don't really care because ain't none of them come to california when my daddy died and now that we're going back there to sprinkle a few ashes on top of my momma's grave my momma's grave down there in cuthbert

i don't really care about cuthbert i don't cut out this cancer i don't cut deep carve it out like the tumor it is i don't cut out this cancer it's going to kill me i don't really care about cuthbert

but i'm going fuck 'em all

because i'm a going to have me some catfish drive me a convertible smoke me some california weed if only to maintain my sanity i'm a going to stop on the side of the road and take a piss on a skinny pine tree i'm a going to have me some grits and eggs jimmy dean sausage fuck 'em all

my granddaddy died motherfucker preacher preached fire and brimstone me and my grandma got into a fight about that same preacher when it came time for my momma she died that preacher he didn't come to my momma's funeral my grandma died that goddamn preacher was back my uncle ben he died that goddamn preacher he was back i ain't saying nothing to nobody in cuthbert my old man he might have been many things a christian man he was not

fuck 'em all daddy fuck 'em all we'll slide in we'll get you close to momma sprinkle thee about the soil then maybe we'll slide around and make ourselves known head over to the bait shop let 'em know we're in town fuck 'em all daddy fuck 'em all

louisiana a convertible some weed and all that

some days i imagine that i am the beat of a drum floating over the jungle

i don't know the drummer maybe it's jesus i don't know maybe it's athena i don't know maybe it's cuda when she growls that low low growl at the door when the floor rumbles with her intense snarls growling at some unknown person or ghost just outside on the sidewalk just out of sight out of site

some days i imagine that i am the beat of a drum floating over the jungle some nights i dream it this beat this irregular yet rhythmic happy angry sad crazy confused content flowing in flowing out flying over the jungle thump thump pulsing verb

a rhythm so solid you can walk on it

i dance instead me my beat we dance on the top of the trees in the jungle branch to branch raindrop to raindrop boogie yeah boogie down baby slide across the canopy one two three cha cha cha one two three cha cha cha

drove downtown today meeting down south of market stopped in at moto java had a cup of coffee drop a depth charge get me going on this rainy day moto java used to be a combo motorcycle repair shop and espresso bar the repair shop is still there the coffee is still there just ain't a combo any more kind of tough to pull the espresso presse with an arm that had just recently been immersed in a bucket of oil trying to find the cotter pin that's he's hoping he dropped in there else he doesn't know where the fuck he dropped the little nipple piercer

drove downtown today had my beat going had my rhythm stick shaking i am the beat of the drum floating over the jungle sat across the table from a fine upstanding gentleman a find gentleman indeed we spoke i listened i explained i expressed

my opinion

in most eloquent terms about the nature of licensing intellectual property what it meant what was its value meaning how much

money

does one need in order to make use of said intellectual property we discussed the nature of this specific intellectual property value chain and at what point along the chain should one set its stake establish its dominance whereupon one may maximize its own value or rather figure out where we're going to make the most

money

left said meeting stood up shook hands expressed our mutual fond regards for each other and by default unspoken our mutual admiration for the process itself the process whereupon two individuals who previously had not known each other who as it actually happened walked down the sidewalk together he from his bart station me from my cup of coffee at moto java we walked next to each other on the sidewalk not knowing not realizing that in the next ten minutes

during which time i had to take a good post coffee piss drain the lizard take a leak shake the snake

whereupon two individuals who previously had not known each other may sit down at a table in a room with white walls and sparsely placed minimalist bland corporate art may sit down and discuss the nature of industry all the while not really asking about the kids about his belief or lack thereof in god about his politics about whether or not he has a cousin nephew friend sitting in a humvee in iraq

whereupon two individuals may meet talk and gracefully depart like two bedouins from separate tribes meeting in the middle of the desert warily eying each other speaking of the weather the condition of the trails behind them whether friend or foe waited speaking politely and departing being on their way

a rhythm so solid you can walk on it

but i danced instead i danced on over drove on over to my man pete's got on a phone call for a little while talked accounts talked contacts talked tactics went downstairs to pete's office said hey said hey said hey ready to go we drove over the hill and through the woods drove down to the club

ran a couple of phil's took a bit of a swim choppy water out in the middle my body told me i hadn't eaten anything all day it was past noon hadn't eaten anything all day except for two cups of coffee a persimmon

damn i love persimmons this time of year

my body said hey stupid we're hungry in here i'm trying to say hey phatfuck you could stand to lose a couple my body it ain't listening starts to cramp up out in the bay in the chop i'm not having a good time i swim on back in the current pushes me the other way though she said splashing me playfully she said i ain't done with you yet tossed me around a little bit more before i could make it back

into the gentle warmth

of the sauna of the southend the mighty southend rowing club

a rhythm so solid you can walk on it

some days i imagine that i am the beat of a drum floating over the jungle some nights i dream it

strangers in the desert and all that

i'm sitting out in the front yard out in the grass just sort of hanging out not doing much blue sky not really blue sky pale blue sky high pale blue sky with clouds so light swirly not doing much studying an ant bed roll onto all fours peering over squinting hard so i can make out their movements them wiggling their little antennae rubbing their antennae all over each other running around running around

running around

scurrying about in out in out of the pile of sand down all sorts of holes and tunnels they have purpose they have goals they have belief systems

every now and then every once in a while i lean over the ant bed let a big long string of drool escape my mouth spittal sluice plops down slops down onto the sandy sand pile splatters in the dust now it's just one big globule some of the ants

the unlucky ones

some of the more unfortunate ants are trapped in the dusty globule slobule of spittle others their pals frantically trying to pull them out very boy scout other maybe not their pals find that they can climb up top of the spittle-dust and wiggle their antennae about very much kings of the hill

i take a pine needle flick the ants off the spittle

one of the ants prince valiant itself bravely grabs onto the pine needle clings for dear life as i shake it about a little starts up the needle coming up after me goddamn i throw the pine needle on the ground pick up another

i hear the metal on metal sound of old brakes screeching that long slow sound equivalent of bad chalk on blackboard my neck hairs stand up in that electrostatic reaction i look around for the culprit ears perked i look around for source

i see it slowly moving down the road

three trucks enter my purview a circus train the carnival come to town men running back and forth between the vehicles doing this doing that moving this moving that a couple of the guys big white guys kind of just walking slowly alongside the trucks the trucks move very slowly kind of just walking strolling lazily sauntering alongside the trucks like they were big old giant cattle that needed to be kept straight on the trail

nothing about the first and third trucks jumps out at me never notice these trucks on any other day except for the second truck the middle truck kind of really does stick out the middle truck the second truck looms over the bookends provided by the other two the second truck the middle truck it dominates the road commands attention

the middle truck the second truck carries on it's back like a lumbering elephant balancing a maharajah in a sedan chair the second truck the middle truck carries a house

a front porch a second story small columns holding up the porch roof steps going up up to the porch but going doing down to nothing off the edge of the truck the middle truck the second truck windows doors shutters gutters

men stand tall on the roof of the cabin of the first truck well balanced the truck moving slowly they stand on the cabin very methodically reaching up as necessity requires very gently disconnecting the electrical lines that run from pole to pole down and across the street like a long loose web woven long ago and forgotten

they wore overhauls no shirts pliers screwdrivers snips hang from their belts they disconnect the wires slowly hand them down to the big white guys one of the white guys drops a wire mistakenly it kind of slides kind of slithers around on the pavement like a garden hose dancing with the water on only this time only now instead of water only this time sparks fly out fly out like a sparkler like a roman candle

he jumps

the wire as if he were jumping a snake first by putting his foot on the creature's neck near the head just behind the head that is vomiting sparks reaches down grabs it by the throat

he walks carefully with the electrical snake toward the back of the line holding it out from him like the spawn of satan itself

the truck with the house its two minions they go by me and my ants slowly lurching forward each time the clearance is arranged each time the path is open the house perches precariously on the back of the middle truck the second truck teeters this way that way

it gets to this one point right in front directly in front of me the truck with the house the second truck the middle truck it stops a tree is on the left on the other other side of the road a utility pole on the right on my side of the road they need about twelve inches of clearance on one side or the other the tree stands lonely on that side of the road the other side of the road stands all by its lonesome alone in a field on the edge of the field that is surrounded by not one strand of fence

the big white guys walk around the house the push on this end they tug on that end they grab a hammer from their belt pop something here they pop something there

the house needs a new coat of paint the house needs a few shingles replaced on the roof the house needs a couple of window panes replaced a couple of window panes broken cracked i think i see a kid's face pressed against an upstairs window i look away i look back the kid's face it's no longer there

casper

the big white guys look up at the tree the tree looks back down at the big white guys neither move

the big white guys move around the tree looking up into its branches the tree stands still the branches present a problem the branches need to go

one of the big white guys shrugs his shoulders goes to the back of the third truck the last truck takes out a chain saw the other go to the back of the first truck the front truck the one up front one of them opens a red metal cooler they all reach in and take out coca colas little bottles the pop pop pop of the bottles being opened the bottle caps popping tickles my ears

the big white guy with the chain saw he is a professional he goes through all the proper procedures he checks the fuel checks the oil he pumps the choke a bit he puts his foot on the base yanks the rope vrrrrmmm vrrrmmm starts right up first pull high pitched whine vrrrrmmm vrrrrmmm he picks it up walks over to the second truck the middle truck the truck carrying the house the lumbering elephant sets the roaring tool on the back climbs on up

he swiftly swings the extension of god's arm through the tree branches fall off onto the road onto the side of the road

an ant crawls up my arm i absently flick it off

the trucks start back up they continue their parade the big white guys hand the wires up to the guys on top of the third truck the last truck they the guys up on the cab standing up on the cab of third truck they re-attach the wires to the poles

they move on begin to move on one of the big white guys one of them he notices me finally notices me sitting there watching them he waves me over he waves me over again i get up i wander over hands in back pockets i wander over kicking at the dust i wander over to where he stands near the first truck the front truck

he reaches into the big red cooler a frosty wet bottle of coke he pops it open hands it to me i walk back over taking a couple of sips for myself watch the trucks move on down the road i wave at the big white guy mister coca cola he waves back i take a sip of coke take a sip for myself let pour a bit of fizzing nightmare on top of the ant bed the ant explode from their holes their tunnels to fight chemical onslaught of carbonated destruction

the fail but more ants come more ants arrive trudge away with the sugar-coated granules of sand

the trucks disappear they don't leave any sugar to trudge away with

you know how it is

walking down the street pussy walks by whispers to me shake it shake it shhhhh she whispers to me walking by says hey says hey don't you think i'm sweet sugar don't you think don't you

walking down the walkway down along the cove aquatic park bright noon day noon day bright walking along they those girls they wiggle they scoot they slither they pull on those rubber suits such fine triathletic bodies in their rubber bodices pussy moans loud guttural she say she say hey don't you think i'm sweet sugar don't you think don't you

you know how it is

sitting at cafe cubano sipping on my cortadito outside sunday sun shines sitting at the little table she sits across the way legs crossed sunday casual short denim skirt pussy winks pussy winks blows a kiss pouts her lips pussy say she say hey don't you think i'm sweet sugar don't you think don't you

driving down two eighty early morning sun coming up over the bay watching the peeps in the cars driving by vrooming by cutie pie putting on lipstick talking on the cell phone pussy she hums pussy she hums on by on by pussy she hums she say pussy say hey don't you think i'm sweet sugar don't you think don't you

you know how it is

walking cuda through the woods long legged thing two dogs in tail sauntering down the path long blond hair worn hiking boots unlaced laces trailing she saunters she speaks to her dogs in german can't understand a single fucking word she saying pussy say she says achtung baby she say pussy say hey don't you think i'm sweet sugar don't you think don't you

standing around a small cocktail table wine glass in hand a wine tasting don't you know a gathering of industry experts of industry professionals don't you know we are in the know smug with our industry expertise there she is in her corporate couture sleek elegantly covered in linen and silk but everything absolutely everything left to my very vivid imagination pussy sends me an email blackberry express two line email no punctuation she knows i like it that way ess em ess it say pussy say hey don't you think i'm sweet sugar don't you think don't you

you know how it is

pussy talk and all that