Diner Dreams

sunny sunny morning screaming sunny blue skies sitting in a booth at the diner in a booth the glass the front glass is warm from the winter sun i'm sitting in the booth reading my paper reading the news all the wildness all the reading the paper sitting in the booth she's sitting in her booth across from my booth but she's sitting across the table facing me yeah baby yeah i stare i wink i grin i flirt i look at her i look at the seat across from me at my table i ask her if she can help me with the jumble i need to unscramble my heart she's sitting at my table she moves across the aisle and sits at my table probably just to be next to the window the warm window we chat my new friend and i we chat but I don't want to chat she doesn't want to chat it's hard enough to find these times to have these kind of dreams to get together in my mind it's difficult enough sneaking around my heart i want to fuck she wants to fuck it's in her eyes as she follows my eyes all over her body but we don't have time she has to go i have to go we had time to meet but only for breakfast it's frustration in and out and through and through i have eggs in front of me but i'd rather have her ass splayed in front of me her bent over the table scattering plate and silverware and coffe cups across the booth instead of slurping up those eggs i'd rather slurp her ass run my tongue from the bottom to the top she will be my stack of pancakes pour on the warm butter and maple syrup twirl it around and take the dive defeat the guardian take the way move my fingers move my fingers move my fingers in and around up and down all of those magical places one two three finding home and staying there but leaving staying there but leaving staying there but leaving and so on and so on and etcetera etcetera etcetera as my naked to the waist main man yul brynner used to say until until my face is numb but i'm loving it loving it loving it it's a tasty breakfast tasty cakes and yeah hey it's just a frustration-based hallucination but i love that ass anyway and the waitress comes and asks if i want more coffee and i can't answer her because my mouth and tongue are otherwise involved but she my new friend says yeah but later we're in the middle of something right now and she the waitress says sure honey i wasn't talking to you but I'll come back by in a minute and now she my friend and she my new friend screams in that primal gutteral sort of way and i'm thinking oh baby oh baby and she squirms that tell-tale dance and i'm up on my knees now in the booth and i'm trying to get these pants down jesus they're tight got lay off the belgian waffles and the guy in the next booth puts his paper down and says need help there buddy and i look at him and say finally getting them down to where i am free and clear moving forward i turn and look at him i say no thanks i think i have it now but i really appreciate the offer and he says no problem any time and gets up leaves a tip picks up his check and heads for the register at the front and she looks up at me she my new friend she looks up at me and winks and i grin and she grins and i'm in ain't nothing better ain't nothing sweeter ain't nothing finer it's so wet it's so moist like warm brownie dough until she's screaming and i'm screaming and there's the fucking fire truck sirens blasting with the little dude on the back steering the rear wheels and i fall back on the bench in the booth and she reaches back and dips her finger into her pie and ice cream that's all she ordered apple pie a la mode not a real breakfast she takes a dip and takes a taste she takes another dip and offers me one and i gladly accept and she crawls back to her side of the booth and she the waitress brings coffee and leaves the check i add lots of sugar and pick up the check she my new friend leaves a tip and says so she says so and then i put down my paper and she fades away i sip my coffee nod to the guy across from me say think the giants can do it this year he shakes his head i say maybe you never know eggs and pancakes for breakfast and all that

Daytime Believers

me and cuda me and cuda me and cuda walking along jay eff kay boulevard in golden gate park over there in golden gate park around and beneath the monstrosity that is to be the new de young museum it's big oh baby it's big looms large over the surrounding acreage i can see it when i walk out my front door it towers over the redwoods in the grove that sits between me my house and this new monument to someone's largesse to someone's civic ego me and cuda

we walked in its shadow

yes we did a rusting chain link fence surrounding the area tenth avenue is blocked off a big hole where the road used to enter the park a tunnel being dug to some new cavern some vast underground parking garage where in the future they will make cheap bee grade movies starring the alias chick kicking some euro dude on the left and right cheek in quick succession before nailing him in the balls with a texan lady titanium three iron some vast underground parking lot with parking spaces all neatly marked on specially treated concrete and concrete pillars that will protect the tourists from earthquakes and homeless people asking them for their oklahoma money the money they make from that new fangled cock fighting hey no blood cock fighting it's a gentleman's game better pay your bookie though because baby that's where the blood is

that's where the blood is

there is blood in that parking lot beneath the copper clad protrusion that is enclosing the museum it's not even pure copper it's like copper mesh so we the adoring public are forced to see her all naked a tease but we don't see her beautiful skin we are treated to her em are eye her ex ray instead of breast and pubic hair we are exposed to her skeleton her pancreas her useless hanging appendix

i pay for playboy i get a fucking copy of our bodies ourselves

me and cuda we took a walk down through the redwood grove across the street from the house sunday morning calm up jay eff kay toward eighth avenue toward cafe muse wanted a coffee wanted to sit outside at the tables watch the cuties walking by they sometimes like to lean over and give cuda a pet a rub a scratch i try to glance down their blouses because i'm just that way cheap thrills are good enough for me good enough on most days

me and cuda walking up jay eff kay we're hanging out on the overpass between tenth and eighth there's a pedestrian tunnel beneath us all blocked off now because of the aforementioned tower of babel before us we're looking up leaning on the marble railings the thick smooth cool marble railings i glance back over my shoulder and see

writhing

on the ground at first i'm a little alarmed then intrigued then sort of aroused

i turn to get a better view a better angle a more precise vision so that it can be recounted over coffee so i can say so i can be the cafe raconteur there is power in story telling there is edge there is control cuda jumps up to get a better view herself she is a curious pup so am i

we're thirty feet above the melee we're up on the bridge they are down on the lawn of the playground the playground where my kids and i used to play football and soccer where moms and nannies come in the warm afternoons with strollers and orange wedges and babies and toddlers at first all i see is a squirming bundle of army blankets with a mess of rasta locks then then ah yes i know that waft i do i do

sitting off beneath a tree on another army blanket is a phat buddha hippie more rasta locks puffing a phattie sitting cross legged big old belly hanging over raggedy tie-dye shirt phish dead moe string cheese concert from last year last decade last lifetime staring at the wigglin wrigglin gigglin mess o blanket oh baby now i see a waft of ganja fog in the early aa em

staring is probably too strong a word too strong a term gazing is more like it

the rasta locks part and i see i lock eyes i catch a glimpse of her consciousness through those rolling eyes she is happy she is happy she is truly enjoying herself dude lifts himself up in that clumsy way we do when we are at that moment at that moment at that moment

then slowly oh so slowly lets himself down she cuddles him she holds his head to her breast to her bosom notices me and cuda smiling me i'm smiling cuda she's grinning she pulls the blanket over young dude's head

they go to sleep they go somewhere they are no longer with me and cuda

me and cuda meander on along i would have thrown change but the deadhead was wearing the hat and all that

Kick the Can

eenie meenie miney moe tell me tell me mister wizard where shall we go shall we go way way back in time or maybe just a little bit down the line my dancing fingers do the mississippi two-step tootle ooh tootle ooh my dancing fingers do the two-step how about you how 'bout you

cuteness sitting on the plane across the aisle cute little black tank top don't she know it's cold out there don't she know it's freezing out there don't she know don't she know she just wants to tease me she just wants to tease me she rolls her head toward the aisle is that a wink is she winking at me sweet long hair in a braid falling down on her shoulder her left shoulder the shoulder on my side across the aisle i want to reach over and move it it's blocking my view i can't really see the gentle pale slope of her naked shoulder so pale so pale translucent tinted for moonrise

way back way back dark nights crowded around in a circle everyone puts in their foot it's either an eenie meenie a one potato two potato a one fish two fish but someone has to be it someone has to start off the game last one out is it is it next to the last one out is the kicker kick it out kick it out kick it out

sweet sweet kelly was she my first love no she came in early though thirteen too old to have been my first but just right for driving my early hardons she'd wear those tiny little mini micro seventies pantskirts make me pant those precious little breasts cupped so carefully in that cross your heart contraption so pert so pert so pert oh darlin' didn't take much then i think i spanked the monkey four thousand three hundred and twenty-one times that thirteenth year my thirteenth year i may be off by a couple of times statistical margin of error don't you know

sweet sweet kelly we'd run off we'd run off into the darkness the kicker counting out loud we'd usually play in the scheffler's yard big flat front yard with a great set of shrubbery around the house trees strategically planted in all four corners row of evergreen trees just across the street sweet sweet kelly we'd run off we'd run off

into the darkness

didn't know 'bout hip hop didn't know about reggae didn't know about punk rock only the hippies had long hair only the hippies had long hair only the hippies

my hair be brown kelly's hair be brown it be brown all around

didn't know 'bout flying in airplanes didn't know 'bout cable television didn't know 'bout people who didn't believe in jesus didn't even know much about vietnam didn't know about nicaragua didn't know about granada didn't know about panama didn't know about bosnia didn't know about somalia it was so it was so it was so over there

and we were here

in the darkness

didn't know about the middle east but i did know about ali baba and i rubbed that magic lamp every day

the overhead lights in the cabin turned low she sleeps so tender so tender a little bit of spittle in the corner of her mouth i want to play zeus blow a chill wind across those little titties just to see just to see just to see

dig

into the darkness we'd run dive under the bush before it stopped counting we'd lay still under the bush our breath measured firm deliberate it walked in concentric circles around the ball around home base our breath measured it took forever for our heads to come together for our lips to touch

how could such innocence become so tainted it took eons for the grand canyon to form it took centuries for the big sequoias to grow my innocence gone disappeared evaporated it hasn't been that long where did it go where is that kiss where is that kiss where is that kiss

how long did it take to even find her tongue how many evenings beneath the shrubbery hiding from it hiding from it

hiding from it

the night she reached up and touched my cheek oh lawdy oh lawdy hiding from it hiding from it the moon cycled through that summer cycled through the night of the new moon the midsummer new moon she touched my cheek with those soft electric fingers oh lawdy so dark so dark we lay beneath the shrubbery quiet quiet oh so quiet she reached up and touched my cheek

those soft electric fingers

nothing but possibilities then nothing but possibilities twas a world of possibilities if she could touch me like that and make me feel so good make me feel so good so good soft electric fingers if she could touch me like that i glance across the aisle

could she touch me like that no i don't think so i ain't sad i ain't sad maybe just a little

kick the can and all that

North Bridge

when did we become the british

standing here on the north bridge snow all around snow all about the slushy concord river flowing beneath slow moving oozing almost around the bend beneath the bridge when did we become the british large field blanketing a few rolling hills a few a few barren trees scattered here scattered there wind chill is minus twenty i'm wearing euro flat-toed shoes italian suit just came from a meeting not prepared for the weather not prepared to walk through the snow in my euro shoes

but i do

the snow gets into my shoes and my feet get cold i have a top coat but it's more form over function standing on the bridge little wooden bridge wordsworth called it the crude arch over the flood or something like that standing on the little wooden bridge north bridge flick flick the bic the water a dark rubbery ribbon cutting through the virgin white

lonely plumes of ganja drift

got a little time before i get on the plane took a detour to minute man national historic park big old cemetery along the way along the approaching path seemed fitting george the second being inaugurated today thought i needed a refresher needed a refresher course in democracy and revolution it's hard work don't you know it's hard work revolution

lonely plumes of ganja drift

across the water through the fields where the minute men hid from the proud marching red coated soldiers marching marching the minute men didn't want them here the redcoats didn't want to be here shit we were the same people sort of like the you ess army venturing into montana where the minute men hid from the proud marching red coated soldiers they hid behind trees they hid behind rocks i looked up the hill i saw them i saw where they hid

they didn't want those red coated soldiers coming into their house coming into their home they didn't want it they told them so they warned them they cautioned them they pleaded with them then they shot at them inflicted bodily harm i don't know if it's right if it's right i don't know if it's right to inflict bodily harm for such a cause but it is what it is what it is what the fuck

they played peek-a-boo with the redcoats they played peek-a-boo when they peeked when they peeked they booed with big old thunder sticks and the redcoats shot back some people fell down dead with a musket ball lodged in their bodies some people fell down wounded with a musket ball lodged in their bodies some people just kept on going i can't imagine

the minute men chased the red coated soldiers down the road shooting at 'em from behind trees rocks the redcoats went and burned down some houses burned 'em down to the ground april in boston is still a little chilly burned 'em down to the ground and hung a couple of people shot a few people slit the throats of a few people if they don't listen to reason maybe a few good examples will do the job for us

the minute men shot at these red coated soldiers with big old guns i could see them up on the snowy hills this afternoon up on the snowy hills with big old guns shooting at the redcoats they didn't like the red coated soldiers coming into their homes

burning down the house our house it is so ordinary

george the second george the second not to be confused with george the third george the second he sent our boys he sent our girls over there over hill over dale when did we become the british we're marching through their streets we're marching through their homes we're burning down their churches we're burning down their mosques we're burning down their homes

we're killing their children

where is the love where is the love when did we become the british we're marching through their streets here in concord they marched through ours a sign here a sign there this soldier was shot here some others were shot over there at colonel barret's farm paul revere got himself captured down the road here down the road where is the love this little skirmish kicked off eight years of what we now call the american revolution doesn't it seem odd that the word revolution has become such a bad bad word bad word we don't like revolutionaries these days we dont like 'em we have to kill 'em kill 'em all

we're killing their children they're killing our children when did we become the british i guess that wearing red coats in the desert would not be too practical kind of highlights the target n'est-ce pas we're not wearing red coats except when we get shot ouch bad joke bad joke

when do i stop laughing when do i stop crying when

fuck you george old john adams old tom jefferson he said they said don't go out there don't go over there looking for monsters we don't need to spotlight it we need to be a beacon we need to show by example by our good acts

we just need to show a little love why are we killing their children why are they killing ours

old general gage he got word from england that there were bad things afoot in the colonies old general gage decided from his office in boston after somebody in his office in london decided that the locals needed a firm hand that the seeds of rebellion needed to be snuffed out snuffed out old general gage sent out his soldiers to snuff 'em out and they got shot at they got shot fuck go figure

king george the second our noble dubya he sent word he sent word from his office in the white house he sent word that the locals over there need a firm hand a firm hand just like he lets laura use when she dresses up in that stern outfit and wears her boots king george loves it when laura wears her boots and brings her lariat he sent word that the locals need a firm hand the general there the general over there he sent out his soldiers to snuff 'em out and they got shot at they got shot fuck go figure

what's a couple of car bombings between friends what what when

when did we become the british standing on the north bridge standing in the cold rain and snow

plumes of smoke and all that

Dawg

back to the airport it's dark it's early much to fucking early i'm dead fucking tired split a limo with some guy who said he worked in crystal city must be working for the pentagon he was going to boston me i was headed for denver this time in line they the airplane people the friendly skies people they don't bother to tell me about the list the fucking list they just put on the rubber gloves and search everything opening up zippers and pockets took four lighters out of my bag said i was only allowed two which ones did i want to keep i kept a white bic and a cheap black knockoff don't go making anything racial out of this they let me keep two boxes of matches from amsterdam that i didn't even know i had i stood arms raised they probed me with wands i unbuckled my belt but not in that hip grinding way that stella likes to see they made me fold down the front of my pants to make sure nothing was hid in my belly button they patted me down it didn't even tickle he didn't even tickle my balls tickle my balls

then they said thank you sir

i said grinned gratefully said hey no problem they didn't grin didn't even smile they looked onto the next victim i walked on down the big cavernous hallway moving sidewalks and all i got there too early too early the earlier plane was about to leave i grabbed the exit aisle seat landed in denver landed in the clear blue denver smog made phone calls set meetings confirmed meetings climbed into my rental car drove my rental car got out of my rental car did my meeting lunchtime schmooze pitch pitch pitch and putt i got back into my rental car i drove my rental car i got out of my rental car and then i walked into my hotel room funny how it didn't differ much from the hotel room that i had left in that other city what city was that

i made phone calls

i'm adding honey that's what i do

i'm adding honey and all that

i wanted to take a walk but the hotel bordered a large shopping center so any walk was around the parking lot of this large shopping center albertsons radio shack starbucks jamba juice walgreens and then back around the same way don't want to walk down by the highway not a lot of foot traffic right around albertsons everyone rushing out to their car with carts full of white plastic bags containing the week's supplies just in case a sudden snowstorm slams the door shut hard for a few days survivalist mode they're cowboys at heart boy scouts at heart brownies at heart

i smoked a joint while i walked i could eat a brownie right now

i stood outside the suburban outback restaurant smoking a cigarette dude came walking up with his girlfriend he said hey buddy i said yeah he said can i have can i have i said want a cigarette he said yeah she said he quit smoking he said shut up but not in a mean way but in a resigned way he said my dog died today i said fuck he said yeah he said my daughter doesn't know i got that dog the week my daughter was born she's fourteen big dog i had to dig a hole i said ground must've been frozen he said fuck yeah it was frozen had to dig a hole drag the dog over in a blanket big dog i said when my dog died two years ago i cried he said he said yeah

he started crying

i mean not bawling or anything but in that old salt cowboy kind of way staring off across the lonesome prairie a single tear sliding down his cheek a quick sniff more of a snort really a shaking of the head a wipe of the sleeve across his forehead he offered to buy me a drink i said thanks no thanks i got to go get some work done his girlfriend sat on the bench behind us stoic just looking up at him worried look a borrowed look an obligated stoicism life is as life is i went on in i ordered bad food to go i watched see ess eye in my hotel room while i ate bad food to go bad food to go to go we're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz we're off we're we're off we're off oh man we are off i wonder how many dead bodies i've seen on tee vee lately too many and i don't watch the news i read the news i listen to the news i rarely watch the news so shakespearean the use of the word news as an objective noun read write listen enjoy explore discover watch the news

make the news

all the news that's fit to print baby

suck my news

how many dead bodies have i seen just this week and i've been on the road last night on see ess eye there were two dead bodies actually only one dead body since the other was bodiless only the head was found

then they said thank you sir

i watch fourteen episodes of law and order each week i'm addicted it's like the meatloaf of television i can sit back and know that someone dies some grisly fucking death gunfire is the most common method and hey why not we're a nation of gun toting cowboys lead by a gun-toting cowboy they search they search they search they find their murderer he or she is a sleazy character ah so sinister not always a black man but probably more than their represented numbers in the greater population not too many asian murderers

make the news suck my news i ran out of tooth paste i was too tired to go downstairs and buy some at the store i didn't want to order some up since i had just smoked a joint in my non-smoking room make the news don't you know i use a little mouthwash and a wet toothbrush i feel refreshed

i look for elimidate on the telly i always appreciate a good monkey spanking after a murder is solved

i simply add honey and all that

Sewing Machine

the old bronze yid keeps on sewing the old bronze yid keeps on sewing the old bronze yid keeps on sewing and i imagine that tomorrow

the old bronze yid will still be sewing

thirty-ninth and seventh there is no mysterious beautiful young thing with long black hair with long black coat offering me one of her cigarettes she has her back to me i can't see what must be pouty lips round that fire stick round that lit fag round that camel light all i see is the rising smoke

i guess i'll just have to smoke my own smoke my own

the old bronze yid is leaning over his sewing machine moving cloth idly through forever a memorial for those who came before him perhaps for those who come after really hard to wait forever it's cold it's fucking cold it's so fucking cold

there's ice on the sidewalks there's ice she walked across the street staying well within the lines her skirt up around her bubbly ass fuck me quick shoes precariously carried said sweet ass across the black ice and chunks of dirty snow her hands out just a bit in that oh so feminine way she looked down unsure of her path of her route walking up high on the tightrope

there's ice on the sidewalks i want to smoke a joint but it's times square i just get allergic smelling hay oh new york is where i want to stay fresh air times square i want to smoke a joint but it's times square more policemen per square yard anywhere outside of baghdad policement walk by every couple of seconds ever alert ever alert i smoke a cigarette instead

it is fucking cold it is dark but the lights are so bright i saw a fight on seventh and forty-fifth two big guys rolling around like two junior high school kids one fat not phat guy pulling yanking on the long rasta braids of this not as fat but much more phat other big guy after about three minutes a swarm of blue suited officers zeroed in with night sticks and cliches

all i see is the rising smoke the rising smoke

tourists turistas touristes everywhere but not a one to fuck i'm not a tourist i'm on business on bidness it's different i rode the subway they don't venture into the subway with their el el bean chinos and their and their and their nice sweaters some worn some tied about their shoulders

suburban housewives everywhere whatever happened to canasta club where are the mah jong boards i want to explore their china patterns i want to explore the patterns on their little cotton undies but here but here these gals here they all wear jay crew lovely lovely probably calico undies

i'd still boil up a pair in a pot of water and make some lovely tea don't you know

no need to add honey i'm sure it's already sweet naturally sweet

so very difficult to determine cleavage through layers of fleece and logos of midwestern colleges i just try and let my imagination go crazy and it does it goes a little crazy not whack just a bit out of alignment

this ain't kansas this ain't kansas it's just another slice of real life with snow on the ground i have to walk up the street in spots pretending to be on the same tightwire maybe mine is a slack wire seems to be stumbling bumbling a bit i don't think i like cold weather my bones get chilled my bones get chilled my bones get chilled meetings and spreadsheets and lines and arrows and circles and preaching and listening and gathering opinion forming consensus numbers numbers numbers i kind of dig them they do say a lot they whisper they frown they tease they laugh they slap you they beat you over the head with a baseball back if you walk away from them they are a jealous sort

numbers

can't add honey it won't help

i walk up seventh avenue to columbus circle totally changed the last ten years big new trump fucking building big new time fucking warner center i walked into borders walked in a bought a cup a coffee walked out walked back out into the cold rain and snow into the park flicked my bic lit it up fired it up smoked it up inhaled kind green bud exhale exhaust withthe cold i can't tell when the smoke stops and the vapor breath starts

all i see

dark trees shadows lurking no it's just a couple walking their dog i assume it's their dog too fucking ugly of a dog to have stolen i nod a greeting exhaling a little ganja breath they nod smile walk on who says new york ain't friendly all

i see all i see

jesus got nothing on me i'm nailed to the sky father forgive them they know not what they do does anyone anybody i'm nailed to the sky arms outstretched cold stellar fusion burning holes in my wrists my ankles my waist blue roman soldiers giving aid with sponge and vinegar jesus got nothing on me on them on us

the old bronze yid keeps on sewing keeps on sewing people stop to take his photo to take their photo with him they don't even ask they don't even ask his foot keeps time bongo bass rhythm the cloth sliding through forever

all i see is the rising smoke the rising smoke and all that

 

Chocolate Ganja Balls

i ate a big old phat chocolate ganja ball today then i got on an airplane and flew to boston then i got into a rental car bus then i got into a rental car then i drove to westford it's a little town in buttfuck egypt west of boston hence the west part of westford i guess i reckon i do so fucking suppose got myself a room at the lovely lovely westford regency a quaint little place if i do say so myself

and this time i do

arrived at westford arrived at the wesford regency walked into my overheated hotel room with two queen sized beds not to be confused with two queens left them back in san francisco discovered that i had no rolling papers no none i had neglected to i had forgotten to bring rolling papers necessity being the mother of invention i wonder who is the mistress of invention i tore out the last page of the bible placed by the gideons i tore out the last page i know you enlightened motherfuckers would like it if i now told you that i tore out a page containing some notable passage as some form of symbolic statement the joining of god the father the son the holy fucking ghost through this thing this document this bible with god's own kind green herb

it rolled up fairly well

i used the last page it was blank before i got on the airplane when i was checking in i went up to the to the automatic check in machine whatever united calls their device they all have some cutesy marketing brand name easy something i ate half the chocolate ganja ball while i was standing in line it was delicious it had pecan sprinkles on the outside it had crunchy ganja sprinkles on the inside when i used the machine to check in it said are you the phatmike that is flying to boston and when i said why yes i am he the machine this little fucking machine it said it said it actually said

please go see a human being we gots to talk to you

we gots to query your sweet ass i said oh shit i had to go stand in another line the line with a human being at the end of not quite like a pot of gold or anything except

maybe in that metaphysical sort of way because while waiting i did have fantasies of being strip searched by some beautiful red head wearing a uniform and expertly handling a baton and handcuffs

alas it was not to be when i reached go they did not give me two hundred dollars they said you're name is on a list i said rather asked what list they said you know the list that list they said what's your name i said phatmike they said where do you live i said thirteen thirteen mockingbird lane they said where are you going i said boston they said oh you're not the guy on the list but the guy on the list has your same name great just fucking great some motherfucker out there with my name has been out there causing trouble

i bet i might like him i might admire him in that distant che guevera sort of way

i thought i better have a coffee double espresso bit of foam needed a jolt this chocolate ganja ball needed a kick start this seemed the perfect thing it really did the job i got on the plane i didn't get upgraded i haven't flown that much lately still have one those gold platinum one hundred kay cards but they didn't show me much love today that's oh kay that's all right i sat down i opened my lap top i did work i watched a stupid movie but not really but i wore the headphones and laughed when everyone else on the plane laughed i felt the common bond then during the second movie i just listened to my music i really dig this stuff i found from galaxy five hundred then listened to jay zee grey album then i didn't eat the meal it really didn't look that good looked a little like swanson baby i felt pretty good the entire flight the flight that was packed full of

beautiful coeds returning to college harvard amherst bee cee bee you em eye tee i don't care i love em all i would gently caress their bare bottoms with my pouty lips each and every one of them every last one of them they were all showing belly buttons

cute belly buttons are god's little gift to man thank you god thank you jesus thank you calvin klein

plane landed long drive through a maze of tunnels fucking town is nuts names a tunnel after ted williams i think he had something to do with world peace whirled peas cool bridge to cross as you come out of the tunnels drive way the fuck outside of what i thought was boston i don't even know where i am that's the problem with neverlost you never get any perspective

snow on the ground

check into hotel get really bummed out when i can't find my rolling papers i order room service to make myself feel better then become inspired with biblical thoughts just who the hell are the gideons anyway i have to admit even when i lived in deepest darkest georgia i never met a gideon just where the hell are these fuckers inspired with biblical thoughts of biblical proportions that is the very first time that i ever that i ever wrote those words ever in my entire life biblical proportions that's the second time the page didn't make a bad joint

went outside flicked my bic walked through the snow as i smoked that fucker up

closed out the evening with a little adult fare on the internet since i could not find elimidate on the telly

you know needed to spank the monkey chocolate ganja balls and all that i dreamed of you wonderful fantasy all of you we're all naked in this world whirling whirling naked bodies a good spanking had by all i hope i know mine was lovely thank you not too messy don't you just hate sleeping in the wet spot especially when it's your own n'est-ce pas

day one of my trip back east first trip of the new year ah this year is looking up already

chocolate ganja balls and all that

Rainy Afternoon in the Cemetery

oh lawdy lawdy lawdy i do dig the afternoons in the cemetery this afternoon a rainy afternoon not pouring down rain not a steinbeck grapes of wrath preaching kind a rain a washing of the figurative and literal sin kind of rain oh no more of a black and white early sixties english movie kind of rain john steed in london fog and bowler carrying an umbrella emma peale in her tight leather full body suit oh sugar how many times did i jack off to such evil images as a young lad watching reruns of the avengers on my own rainy saturday afternoons although i must admit i must confess she wasn't my first masturbatory fantasy she wasn't the first woman whom i ravaged in my deepest darkest thirteen year old fantasies no that honor would have to go to sweet cynthia smith her kiss didn't drive me crazy but i touched her breast in the seventh grade i touched her panties in the seventh grade i peeked through a hole in the wall separating the boys and girls changing rooms at my friend joe's pool party and saw her cute naked self and went home later and spanked the monkey in the shower i locked the bathroom door i had the shower hot and steamy i sat on the edge of the tub i soaped up yeah thank you cynthia wherever you are thank you baby you who in my mind grew up to be that long lithe runway model with the long straight blonde hair and the long long legs that would wrap around me twice you are forever beautiful

don't worry emma peale you too are forever beautiful

you may not have been first but you more than made up for it in the early quantity department how many times did i unzip that leather body suit how many slowly oh so slowly soap it baby one zipper gear at a time click click click oh so tight down between those wondrous melons of love please forgive me for being crude dear emma but there is no other way there was nothing romantic about it at all mistress peale it was down right debauchery i didn't know how to fuck we didn't have the internet to provide detailed explanation i mean later on in a couple of years spending summers down on the farm at the grandparents old uncle frank he showed us some black and white eight millimeter films that opened my eyes but in the early days i just went at it it was raw it was pure experimentation how can one even begin to explain that very first shot of jism bursting forth surprising the hell out of what was i expecting fuck if i know darlin darlin sweet cynthia how i deflowered you i'm sure it had to have been the best fuck you ever never had didn't you feel the grand cosmic karmic shot heard round the world zipper sliding down yes sliding down yes sliding down yes that belly button oh baby oh baby didn't even know what was really down below there all i knew was that it must be heaven must be had must be taken must be shared must be explored

damn

rainy afternoon in the cemetery dig rainy afternoon in the cemetery me and my man v standing around the trees hovering around naked leaves long gone a few squirrels still scrambling around i guess it never gets cold enough to trigger that universal lights out playing of taps everyone go hibernate call big rain drops rolling off the tips of the branches slightly bigger than the rain itself but did they fall any faster no leaning tower of pisa nearby to test out theory so why hypothesize why bother my curiosity goes not in that direction today i'm more concerned with the physics of the wind the slight breeze that prevents my cheap lighter from scratching to flame a flame a flame my kingdom for a flame i try to employ the trunk of this tree to create stillness to aid me in my grand task of the moment kind gentle bud of love sitting in the glass bowl supported by a brand new screen just waiting just begging to be set afire set this house afire set this world afire set this goddess afire yes love speak to me let the sparkles dance make the sparkles dance fill me up

squirrels running up the tree chasing the rising smoke my eyes

chasing the little black fucker

through the branches from tree to tree got a bead on it follow it breathe breathe slowly squeeze the trigger jesus that is loud the explosion kicking back on my shoulder kicking back in one quick jolt always unexpected the explosion bursting forth from the long barrel my grandfather gave it to me over and under four ten black black black barrel worn wooden stock crack it open feed it a couple of shells snap it shut wander wander wander through the woods looking up looking up tree to tree leaves all gone squirrel nests abound there it goes little fucker barrel swings up barrel swings up breathe breathe motherfucker that is so fucking loud knocks the fucker out of the tree

it's still breathing when i walk up to it i step on its head crush its skull the crunch is the fragile bone is louder than the shotgun when i turned twelve they gave me a twelve gauge shotgun i already had the four ten at thirteen i walked down the street carrying my shotgun through the neighborhood walked into the woods and shot squirrels if they didn't die i had to crush their skulls can't leave it there bleeding on the forest floor

what happened to that boy

rainy afternoon in the cemetery smoking a little weed smoking a little weed

cousins of mine they used to walk through the fields if they saw a bird any bird they'd shoot it called it tweet shooting dumb redneck fuckers they didn't stop to crush the skulls they kept on walking they'd walk along talking maybe smoking cigarettes maybe smoking cheap mexican weed brown shit with seeds and stems still fucked me up what did i know i was fucking thirteen walking along there's a blue jay or some sparrow or even a fucking robin for chrissake and someone would stop and just blow the fuck out of it if the little shit was lucky and then we'd walk on along

tweet shooting

fucking redneck cousins dry dusty clay roads and peanut fields divided by big poplars or pines dry dusty clay paths wandering through and around sometimes crossing a creek shooting tweets got worse once we started drinking beer we shot varmints raccoons opossums armadillos whatever the fuck wandered in front of us  

continued for a while then then then i moved to california they said jed california is the place you oughta be i moved to california i went home to go get married to go make it legal and all with stella had been living in sin for three years my momma told me i should make an honest woman of her said that a man's reputation won't be hurt by such goings ons but that a woman's reputation could be ruined i didn't want to do that to stella now would i went home to get married went out with charlie and wallace and some others can't remember now we trapped a possum went out to a field opened the trap door the possum took off we all shot it with whatever weapon we happened to have that was the last time i ever shot a gun

i'm embarrassed for that boy

rainy afternoon in the cemetery smoking a little weed smoking a little weed and all that

Swimming in the Fillmore

oh my oh my oh my fillmore district last day of two thousand four bout eleven in the aa em

there's a break in the storm the sky is so blue it makes you grin big puff daddy clouds like we don't get out here in our little slice of heaven swam a little bit this morning earlier water getting a little cool little bit of that winter chill settling in can't remember the last few winters being as cold rather feeling as cold my body just ain't taking it this year maybe it's because i got a little sick right around the time this feeling hit could have been that really long swim that the p-man and i took went way around the pier on the outside p-man kept saying just a bit further let's head a little toward fort mason by the time we had turned around and were heading back i got cold i mean really cold i mean panic cold that looking around you looking for something to grab hold of cold that holy shit i really wish i weren't here cold had to talk to myself had to say just fucking breathe asshole just don't forget to breathe it could have been the little bit of stress of putting this fucking company together hard to maintain that alfred ee neuman what me worry ce n'est pas de quoi kind of attitude twenty-four seven could have been any one of those might be just because it's fucking cold water this winter

the pool sucks though back and forth back and forth back and forth i mean fucking aa

a naked guy passed out in my arms today

i had come back in from my swim hadn't been out long already had my sauna standing in the shower this guy had just finished swimming in from alcatraz skinny little fuck should have had a bit more fat on him any fat would be a bit more he had none to start with he is the perfect swimmers body but he gets really cold and i guess he was  in the water just a little too long this time and right there in the shower s does a slow downward spiral eyes roll up in his head we catch him five naked guys holding onto another naked guy none of us really knew exactly what to do beyond what we had done in boy scouts thirty years ago or what we might have seen on some episode of ee are there was the possibility the risk of one of us accidentally grabbing onto another's dick in the ensuing antics we all sweat that one out i mean hey not that there's anything wrong with it we debate dragging him back to the sauna one guy runs off to call nine one one we don't take him into the sauna we let luke water run on him we rub him down we tell him dirty jokes the ee em tees get there in like five minutes he's oh kay was when i left sitting on the stool with a big swimmer's cape wrapped around him an ee kay gee machine hooked to him with so many wires connected to artificial nipples all over his body he looks up and grins as i leave

idiot grins are contagious

the fillmore is happening it's the old jazz district it's going through a kind of revival they are trying really hard to maintain the well let's say color of the neighborhood while at the same time bringing in new business and encouraging some gentrification it will change a lot over the coming years i hope it's good change i'm a cynic though i'm getting these vibes of wealthy hip white dudes pretending to be black pretending to be connected to the history the tradition they wear black there's an old woman sprouting serious dreads sitting on a bench leaning forward on a cane that is standing between her parted thighs long flowing orange yellow red skirt covering all skin except her bare feet big woman pouting face talking to the world in a luscious baritone voice telling us things got to change got to change the lord going to make it change

she seemed to believe very firmly in what she was saying i can't say that i disagreed with her

i didn't walk up and engage her though didn't go up give her an amen just didn't seem the old time and place were lining up for that sort of thing that sort of encounter to occur all the same with me really i simply enjoyed listening to her voice as long as i was able to tune out the actual words it's not hard to do sort of like the way i listen to reggae i mean i don't have a fucking clue what they're saying most of the time they could be saying hey hey hey let's go out to the richmond district and kill the whities yah man they could be saying that and i wouldn't know and i really dig that rasta bounce baby so i don't want to be disappointed i will be blissful in my ignorance

and i will be oh kay with that

the fucker should have gone to the hospital but he was playing all tough guy the south end macho thing the nah don't worry fellas i'll be oh kay don't need to go to the hospital the ee em tees wanted him to go to the hospital he didn't want to go to the hospital he was pretty fucking adamant about it don't know if he went or not

i guess he wanted to be blissful in his ignorance as well

the woman in dreds she spoke to the puff daddy clouds she looked up with reverence with anger with relief with wonder with with once more with feeling with everyone i don't think too many others were listening to her she didn't seem to mind i almost tapped her on her broad shoulder almost said hey lady hey crazy lady i hear you i'm listening but i just slipped a dollar in to her cup crisp bill folded between two fingers between index and middle let it slide let it slide

we do so try to be cool in our every movement don't we

don't you

even the crazy rasta lady she sat she preached she reached in style

i'm meeting with bankers tomorrow i think that i will reach in style i will wear black stella wants me to wear black pointy shoes i'm still hanging on euro square-toe stella is right but i am stubborn

i will wear black and all that