Rare Water

rare is the day that i don't see water and her horizon

in these limbo days between the j-man's birthday and new years there is not much work to be done i spend a lot of my time down at the beach ocean beach is my favorite possibly because of aesthetics most likely because of locale just down the street from my place my crib my dwelling i mean i guess i could drive over the hill down through the presidio to baker beach hike around and see the naked people i guess i could drive through sea cliff gawk at the big houses on the cliffs and walk down the stairs to china beach don't you know that china beach just seems so well so privileged but i dig ocean beach ocean beach is the everyman beach playland at the beach used to be at ocean beach sutro baths used to be at ocean beach fleischacker pool used to be at ocean beach now there is a newly built cliff house at ocean beach it'll burn down some day as well tradition is tradition my kids now go to ocean beach at night and have bonfires i think that's code for hanging out with their friends and maybe smoking a little dope

i hope it's not cheap weed nothing worse than cheap weed maybe that's why they call it dope

i saw a broken watermelon on ocean beach today it was washed up in kelly's cove i wonder if it rode the waves from sumatra i stopped said a prayer i don't really know how to pray i just talk with the water i asked her why the fuck did she have to go and get all tidal on those people it ain't right it ain't right it ain't right she didn't say anything she cracked a wave maybe a little like me cracking a fart i don't know but she didn't say anything that really answered my question yeah yeah she spoke of rhythm yeah yeah she spoke of cycles yeah yeah she spoke of continuity but she didn't really answer my question who the fuck wants to consider these bigger fucking questions these cycles and shit when there is nothing to eat and your youngest son and wife just got yanked out of your arms and washed out to sea because this aqua bitch got pissy so i just said i just prayed i just asked her to maybe calm down maybe turn around and do the provider thing give those poor fucks a break try a little tenderness as my man otis used to sing try a little tenderness that's all

she splashed me

when we're swimming in the bay a rogue wave will sometimes sneak up on us surprising us we never know where the wave comes from joe once had one come up from a military ship that was pulling out of harbor pushed him into a sea wall we saw it from up in the sauna said holy shit hope he's oh kay hope he's oh kay he comes walking into the sauna later he's grinning he says shit that was a fucked up wave we said yeah

down at ocean beach they have signs warning about rogue waves and undertows

i never saw a sign that said warning watch out for tsunamis i wonder if they had signs in thailand sumatra sri lanka inda jesus fucking christ my friend steve is living in koh lanta said six hundred people died on his island said it's really fucked up really fucked up

i talk to youngest son i talk to oldest son i talk to one and only daughter how do you explain how a big a number is one hundred and twenty-five thousand it's a big fucking number i grew up in a town of thirty thousand people so we're talking four valdostas here just disappearing i try telling them that i can't really understand it myself

one and only daughter asked me over and over how many people died in nine eleven she calls it nine eleven i guess it's the official name for it now nine eleven sort of like seven eleven i guess she asked me over and over how many people died in nine eleven i said around three thousand she said oh she said oh

i said yeah

she said yeah she said yeah

maybe i'll learn to pray i wish i could speak aloud in my prayer the names of everyone who died i wish i could kiss on the cheek their loved one i wish i could kiss them on their cheek and take away their grief i wish i could break the loaves and feed the multitudes i wish i didn't have a tee vee and a newspaper and google news and the online edition of the new york times i wish i could be totally ignorant i wish i could not know anything about the world i wish i could be numb and not give a shit about anything i wish i never had to see another advertisement for feed the children i wish dan rather and all the other news guys would go to hell i wish that i could just slap on a pair of headphones and just listen to monks chanting

maybe i'll learn to pray

happy new year and all that

Ocean Beach Morning

walking north up ocean beach me and cuda two surfer dudes meet fists pound five part ways one walks past us shaking his head says stupid fucker don't ever quit he points with his head his buddy paddling out nosing through a cracking wave the dude laughs jogs on up the beach with his board at his side

i'm walking barefoot in the sand so is cuda

soft pudgy dude wearing a teal wife beater and these orange red aloha shorts running barefoot down the beach his arms folded across his chest sometimes stumbling sometimes not hairy fuck except on top of his head he's murmuring shouting sometimes one sometimes the other he's murmuring shouting fuck you fuck you fuck you

seal rock just sitting there always just been sitting there out there in kelly's cove way before any other fuck ever called it kelly's cove before any other fuck ever even crawled on his belly like a fucking reptile on the beach seal rock just sits out there i amaze myself with such revelations

i used to be so sharp in the mornings

half dozen guys out there fishing spread out down the beach every twenty-five yards or so talking to the russian fisherdude how deep you fishing he shrugs says depdns on how deep it is out there he graciously forgets to add the almost mandatory and you dumb fuck i grin what you catching he shrugs says perch but phrased as a question how big he shrugs again he hates me wants me to leave asking these inane questions he just turns and faces the ocean

i decide that i love this guy

the surfer dude he comes out of the water his board broken a confused grin on his face he lets one half of the board fall to the sand

he is so beautifully alien in his black neoprene

i love this guy too but in more of an extraterrestrial erotic sort of way

cuda fetches the ball and brings it back and fetches the ball and brings it back and fetches the ball and brings it back stella makes me play that game sometimes big dog that i am stella makes me play but usually give me some of that somethin' somethin' at the end i'm just a dog about that somethin' somethin'

i walk by the fat lady with two cocker spaniels and a fat rotty fucking cockers won't stop barking i really don't like those fat fucking lap yappers i want cuda to bite the head off one but she won't she ignores them she's cool that way

one day i'll be cool like cuda

she runs into the water tossing her ball into the air jumping through this crashing wave sun bounces off the tan the black fades into the water she is one with the foam not too far short of magnificent to be honest with you

there's this one patch of beach with a big old piece of styrofoam about the size of a vee double you bug and a safeway cart and a bunch of plastic bottles just sort of pop up through the sand like it's a bumper crop in the backyard garden big old piece of styrofoam it's high tide waves sure can push some shit around

two surfer dudes sitting on the bench on the sidewalk neoprene folded down to their waists passing a phat one grinning big morning wake and bake grins cuda runs up to them with her ball they take it and toss it i walk up we chat i tell them they're crazy out there big surf big current they see my southend rowing club shirt they say i'm crazy to be out there swimming we laugh the live in the neighborhood i live in the neighborhood yeah yeah i've seen the crazy bird lady she used to throw seed over near the museum i think maybe she's dead now they offer me the joint i decline best wait until at least noon best wait until at least noon

i think maybe she's dead now one day i'll be cool like cuda

and all that

Axis Bold as Love

man i dig alice coltrane

the party swirled i mingled within the gathering i shook hands i kissed cheeks i accepted congratulations i performed that perfect balance of staying out of stella's anxiety ridden path and doing every silly little task that came that journeyed that survived the journey through that dangerous land through her dark and mysterious mind i wore my jimi hendrix axis bold as love one hundred percent synthetic polyester johnny ester freddie ester button up with orange buttons wearing my pork pie hat that stella had given me that stella had chosen for me that stella had set upon my graying head

i broke my own rules and drank a little wine

hey it was a celebration

i broke my own rules and drank a little wine

i wandered from table to table to table all of these people here out of context hell i'm out of context what a surreal event what a strange trip through the echoes of someone else's life there are cute young things with budding breasts and short skirts and horny young boys chasing after something that they won't know what to do once they catch it people meander through balancing plates and drinks hey i know you just a slice of our current life peppered with past life this ain't why i moved to california

i do dig alice coltrane though

i walked down haight street today lower haight street not upper haight street with the tourists in freshly tie dyed shirts and their jerry and janice maps taking pictures at the corner of ashbury and haight yeah martha this is where it all began right here yep yep daddy were you a hippie back during the war ben and jerry ice cream right on the corner it sort of figures peace love and tie dye baby peace love and tied up and died in the alley with a needle in his arm baby i'm not on the upper haight i'm on the lower haight i'm going to get my hair cut all the hipsters walking about the big black dude standing at rasta attention in front of the vapor room checking eye dee's checking to make sure you got a bonafide medical marijuana identification card red and green and yellow rasta colors adorn the garage door fronts the room odoriferous wondrous wafts of wavy gravy kind green herb reach up and tickle my nostrils

weed so tempting it make my dick hard

walking down lower haight all the hipsters wandering in and out of the toranado wandering in and out of the sausage place wandering in and out of the hipster coffee houses wandering in and out of all the hipster hair salons i'm going to get my hair cut madison she so hot she so tall and lanky with those tight jeans and her big ass motorcycle pulled up into her salon dried mud splattered all over it madison she so hot just take my head and place it between your lovely delovelies i just feel so at home between these sweet cantaloupes rubs my head like a lucky rabbits foot and drives the number two blade all over i'd let her drive a riding lawnmower over my chest she so hot walking down lower haight street all the hipsters yeah they define cool

funny how that definition it do

evolve

at the party i'm talking to the dee jay he's an old hippie living up in sebastapol his hair long and gray his mustache all rollie fingers and gray he'd been playing the guitar out in the cocktail area earlier yeah yeah we didn't fuck around with this party baby we wrote the big check bartender and cock tails and rooster tails and cute little hen tails all shaking about at the party i'm talking to the dee jay

i'm like yo my man i didn't even know you played guitar thought you just spun records he was like yo i been playing rock and roll since i was in the air force band way back when i was in the first air force rock and roll band formed so that we didn't all look like assholes during recruitment time we used to play in high schools i said no shit he said no shit i said no shit i remember way back when i was in the tenth grade this air force band came through our high school and played bachman turner overdrive taking care of business this was in nineteen and seventy-four he said that was my band we were the only air force band playing rock and roll i said no shit you played in my high school he said yeah no shit

i remember going out to the parking lot getting stoned and then coming into the gym to watch these guys with shaved air force heads in crisp blue uniforms and aviator sunglasses playing doobie brothers jesus is just all right with me we were redneck wannabe hippies with big ass cars with big ass tires and big ass engines that went vroom vroom with that three-quarter crane racing cam and that holly six-fifty four barrel and those hooker headers with the glass pack mufflers with not a clue about the rest of the fucking world and we said yo air force dudes you are so cool with your elton john playing saturday night all right selves

these air force dudes they weren't hipster dudes walking down haight street walking down lower haight street with all the other hipster dudes wearing black and dark plaid and doc martins and stocking hats and cool sun glasses

at the party i'm talking to the dee jay he's an old hippie

i dont' know what i am any more

but man i do dig alice coltrane i like my jimi hendrix shirt and my pork pie hat and all that

Brainstorm

one of the things that i cherish about the brain about the human brain at least about my own brain and i know i can't be the only one i know something so basic so fundamental cannot be unique to little ole me one of the things i cherish about the human brain is it the brain my brain that lump of grey gunk floating between my ears it allows me to carry on fairly detailed and analytical discussions with other human beings swapping ideas speaking in numbers facts concepts theories while at the same time i can let it wander heck like i have any fucking control over when and where that kinky bastard goes lets just say it does wander and maybe give me the benefit of the doubt that i might just might be in control it wanders though yes it does it wanders i mean it's not like the little fucker just sprouted legs or wings or some other such modes of transportation it allows me to wander to wonder about how she looks naked yes her as she walks past the conference room i'm standing up pointing at lines and arrows and flows it allows me to wonder just how nice she must look all smooth and unencumbered by tailored pieces of cloth both natural and synthetic allows me to consider the endless positions methods approaches that i could employ to enter her sweet cunt she being so anonymous so mysterious so so yes so sugary she being the object of my distraction of my immediate desire of that brief stirring whilst i continue my discussions of market entry thinking of coital entry i want to know the color of her perfect panties i know they're perfect cupping her sweet buttercups those calipygian clefts i want to know the aroma of her cunt up close and personal i want my big proboscis probing pussy i want to feel that brief bit of panic that comes with near asphyxiation due to all passages all paths to the lung being either blocked or otherwise occupied ah life in siliwood where silicon valley meets hollywood where silicon breasts meet my lips ah la la ooh la la thank the goddess for giving me this glutinous orb of nerve cells and ganglia and other funky shit thank the goddess for lending me these perversions these little idiosynchrocies thank you for allowing me to consider the thong no thong possibilities while discussing process i adore using the noun insertion when they think i'm talking about advertising i dig the concept of reducing market friction lubing market entry she wore black i wonder if her bra is black i like them black and lacy i like them to open in the rear the old fashion way i think it's an art the flick of the wrist the pleasant surprise as the gossamer slowly slips low exposing those ta ta's shaka shaka i wonder if her bra is black black against the pale white skin i know she does not expose those wondrous globes of life to the sun she is faux innocent so innocent so so so she also i bet she also has just that faint hint of tuberose oh so natural just a tickle a settling scent quickly settling moving on whimsical macroblocking and empeg and aitch dot two sixty-four and statistical multiplexing and bit rate reduction and alpha blending and intra-encoding and latencies ah yes we must be considerate we must consider the injected latencies yes sugar i won't be late for you just wink me in morse code the time and place tap it on the table with your number two pencil if i glimpse the crevice of your cleavage one more time i'm going to rip off this italian suit like a tearaway jersey like the fucking hulk ain't no steroids shrinking my scrotum baby give it to me give it to me give it to me let me sign the contract on the back of your throat with my magic fountain pen let me carve my dedication on your soul on your heart

she also brought me coffee and all that

Pulgas Temple meets Union Cemetery

down on the peninsula off of two eighty right off canada road remember this is california kalifornia kalifornication so canada is not like the great white north it's not pronounced that way remember we have our noble spanish heritage here yeah they made us simple heathen white folk seem almost angelic i mean if you take away that slavery thing the negro issue as my little old grandma back in cuthbert god bless her soul satan save her bitter baptist cracker ass as she used to say yeah it ain't pronounced like our neighbor to the north pronounces it yeah it ain't a hard en it's a softer more of a nya you know can nya da with the accent on the nya

down off canada road west of two eighty the republic of san francisco has a park a little park a little green park honoring our beloved water supply it sits at the juncture where the feed from the hetch hetchy reservoir way way way up in the sierras near yosemite valley they say that hetch hetchy was grander than yosemite and even more beautiful if that's possible was being the key word before we decided it would make a fabulous reservoir so we rolled up our collective sleeves sent a lot of laborers up to the mountains to live hey it was the thirties thems was some big old projects back then yeah yeah we decided to up and build a fucking damn right across the old valley i swam in hetch hetchy a few years ago i know i know you're not supposed to swim there it's drinking water for chrissake but it was a very hot day we were hiking we were yeah we were smoking da herb we were communing with jah and that water i mean that water is just so blue and so cool and so refreshing and there we were all by our lonesome way out on the trail and there was nobody around nobody and we did the old look left the old look right we got naked and dove in it was da gunz it was floating on ice clouds we swam out about half a mile into the middle of the lake the mountains all around us purple majesties and all that shit an occasional bird hawk maybe some tweetie flew over as we floated on our backs i floated on my back and stroked my cock

it felt good

i stroked my cock in the clear blue waters of hetch hetchy i could lay down the old joke hey if you live in san francisco and you drink the water how's my dick taste but i won't because i've matured as a writer and have opened up with you my readers i've shown you my sensitive side but just in case those of you who don't live in san francisco and if you were wondering rumor has it that my dick tastes pretty darn good oh kay oh kay yeah i'm the one who might have started this rumor but i'm guilty only of wanting to better the world through emitting positive vibrations

down off of canada road remember the nya down off of canada road there's this park called pulgas temple and there is a marker on this concrete planter where i'm sitting it's more than a planter really it's this huge circle of four or five stairs and in the middle of this circle of four or five stairs is a little garden maybe fifteen twenty feet across so technically it's a planter of some sort on this planter of sorts where i'm sitting writing in my moleskine where i'm sitting is a bronze marker and this marker informs me that my ass is sitting at three hundred and nine and forty-seven one hundredths feet above sea level and if i look west from my previously described perch i see the setting sun pour down over the hills i don't think they're alive with the sound of music but they could be seems the older i get the louder i need to turn the stereo i hope it's not the residual effects of too much el es dee in my youth these hills that surround crystal springs that lovely recipient of the hetch hetchy water this mother's milk for the people of san francisco and those surrounding townships upon whom we bequeath a share the sun pouring through this greek temple looking thing thus the pulgas temple name i guess pouring through this temple onto a rectangular blue reflecting pool which is indeed reflecting the images of these fab tall skinny pointy poplars eight of em on either side of said pool of reflection with this neatly trimmed grassy lawn all about just ripe for rolling and a couple of crows hopping about like they fucking own the joint perhaps they do deed and all

don't you dig the crows i do

and i'm the only one here except some ranger dude walking about and i should be reflecting on the new business thinking about all the nooks and crannies and tactics to accomplish strategic goals and outlines of a market entry plan that is wickedly aggressive yet prudent and deliberate just the way i like to fuck

now that i think about it

now i'm sitting in a cemetery in redwood city union cemetery they call it had something to do with the civil war lots and lots of old graves in an old graveyard opened in eighteen and fifty-nine it's in redwood city it's on woodside road i think it might even be a city park now you know we got to make everything official don't want some reckless developer coming in and building a condominium or another seven eleven i'm sitting on a stump next to the grave of william aitch orchard his momma spit him out of the womb in eighteen and fifty-eight and he died here in redwood city in nineteen twenty all i can tell you about old william aitch orchard is what is written at the top of his tombstone and that if father i guess then that at least on one occasion old bill shot a little dee en aa up into some lovely cunt yeah we can assume we can deduce such detectives that we are i think we can knowingly assume that old bill old william did die a virgin

i will not die a virgin

i imagine that some of the people in iraq are dying a virgin and that's a shame

i'm waiting for my man vee it's where we meet to discuss shit to talk shit to maybe smoke a little bowl i like the cemetery this time of year a couple of squirrels are running through the thinning tree tops dashing about chasing each other can't really tell if the one is chasing the other because the motherfucker broke into his nut supply or because the bitch is in heat and he needs to just jump him some of that funky stuff or maybe they both just have rabies and their fucking nuts themselves running around maniacally until they just drop dead with foamy mouths

i'm waiting for my man vee i dig the cemetery this time of year the trees are tall and naked and there are leaves strewn all about it's about as close to the east coast fall as i ever really get out here and i miss that sometimes i miss the smell of burning leaves they probably don't let you do that anymore back there but they did when i was a little lug nut running around the backwoods of virginia and georgia

i'm waiting for my man vee and then after i'm done waiting for my man vee after he's come and gone and i get into my car and drive home

after i get back into my car and drive home after a long and loopy day and i get back in my car and drive home after that well

then i'm home and i like being home

then i'm home

and all that

The Blessing

youngest son is to go to the bema on saturday he is to become a bar mitzvah he is to become a man this is my blessing to him

you are flash you are sizzle but you have depth that i haven't even begun to reach that i have no pretensions of ever reaching that i know will serve you and everyone around you

amen

you can hit my buttons you can hit my buttons you can set me off sometimes you might as well pour the can of gasoline over my head strike a match stand back you little shit you drive me crazy you drive me the edge to the brink to the point of insanity god i do love you so

amen

you are a leader you lead people your friends they follow you lead wisely you lead in ways beyond your years and you listen you absorb you take it all in nothing really seems to escape you that seems so cool that must be so difficult god i do love you so

amen

the pressure hell you're only thirteen you only just turned thirteen you're a man you're a mensch you're my son god i do love you so

amen

you can lay down a line you can lay down the truth you and me though we can still lay down on the couch together and watch the game on the idiot box i wrap you in my arms hold you like the baby you are to me i never want you to grow up but i push you to grow up and i'm sorry please don't grow up please don't go please don't god i love you so

amen

once when you were little when you were but a wee one when you were still wandering the mornings in your little foot pajamas with the flap that opened in the back once when you were little i was standing across the street from the house at the bus stop doing what you do at the bus stop waiting for the bus at the bus stop and i looked up and there you were on the porch your mother was upstairs you were calling my name you were opening the gate we live on a busy street there were cars coming you were calling my name i looked left i looked right you were walking down the steps i had no choice i did the frogger across the road dodging cars left and right back and forth holding up my hand doing a little bit of the chicken dance thinking i was about to get hit by some car some truck some bus at least if i did the traffic would stop maybe hopefully by some miracle i made it across the road as you were reaching the bottom step laughing grinning calling my name reaching up to me i grabbed you in my arms i yelled at you i cursed i started to cry then i sat on the steps with you and laughed with you

so my son i can't write i can't read the blessing that i should be giving you tears fill my eyes so i will cheat and i will quote someone else i will reach back you are a beautiful ripple on my pond of life so rich so wonderful so here is my stolen blessing for you

There is a road, no simple highway,
Between the dawn and the dark of night,
And if you go no one may follow,
That path is for your steps alone.

Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.