Thanksgiving Friday

little black terns flapping their wings hundreds of them their little high pitched gargling echoing off the glassy water while their wings while their wings fluttered about fltfltfltfltfltfltflt the gargling bouncing across the little winged ripples to us sitting in our kayaks out on tomales bay

just two days before i'm drinking coffee sunny sunny day good day the new biz shit the build a company shit the meet with the big wolfy bankers with the big old eyes and the big old ears and the big old teeth shit they sit there and smile and ask intelligent questions and smile and then they tell us we got a great concept this dog is going to hunt they got to bring in a team they got to do some diligence that means that they found themselves a fine thing and they are now about to roast our asses and carve them up they're licking their teeth

just two days before i'm drinking coffee sunny day down at simple pleasures sitting outside the breeze  from the beach comes whispering up the hill i once knew this chick named breeze oh kay oh kay i didn't really know her but once stella and me we went to this restaurant in atlanta that's where stella and me that's where we met not in the restaurant in atlanta but in atlanta we went to college in atlanta so we were sitting at the counter of this cute little restaurant on virginia right near highland i think it was called capo's we had this waitress just as sweet as could be bout dumb as a fucking doorknob up behind the counter was this shelf and on this shelf were these tip buckets and there were names on these buckets and there was like a jane and there was like a sally and there was like a susan and there was a breeze so stella she leans over to our waitress and says so is your name breeze and our waitress she says oh like wow i mean how did you know i mean yes my name is breeze oh wow stella winked at me i think that is when i fell in love with stella

just two days before i'm drinking coffee sunny day down near the beach i dig ocean beach i guess my favorite part is kelly's cove i'm sitting outside reading the paper castro meets hu oh my oh my i guess that is news i think i read the story primarily because it was there in the paper sitting right there in front of me i mean it was folded open to the story not like i would have folded it open to that story not that i don't care i mean i'm sure it was quite a momentous occasion for the two of them i guess old castro has been quite a story built himself into quite a legend i guess he gives a lot to the cuban people pride whatever great medical system the story goes everyone can read most cool be better if everyone could eat too but i guess we could say that about the good old you ess of aa as well more kidnappings happening in kabul seems that the opium lords i do like that term i'm a fucking lord i'm sure i'm the fucking lord of something nothing quite so grand as being an opium lord or even a lord and taylor by golly by gum seems that afghanistan has become the number one producer of opium in the world rocketed back to the top with a bang baby been a long time since i smoked a little opium back before chirruns were running my life i can see the attraction i just feel so thankful so grateful so so so humble before my lord george bush without whom the world would just be going to hell in a handbasket thank you lord george gorgeous george mahmoud abbas is promising to carry the torch of arafat what a lovely thought that is let's just do more of the fucking same we'll re-elect bush the fucking israelis will keep the pig sharon and the fucking palestinians will carry the fucking arafat torch what a lovely thought that is

just two days before i'm drinking coffee sunny day sunny way sitting outside at a little tale a cafe cubano in front of me a small midafternoon short bread on a napkin the sun blessed my cheeks gave me a little peck on the forehead whispered in my ear i'm sitting next to this table comprising this family one of those don't even raise an eyebrow about here in san francisco post-modern pre-apocalyptic families you got your mom you got your fifteen year old daughter with the angled dyed-jet-black post punk i-am-a-dyke haircut you got the daughter's girlfriend of indeterminate age and personality she maintaining a sullen position of sitting in her chair and staring at the sidewalk below her every once in a while glancing up through her elvis bangs you got the mom's boyfriend sitting across the table with an electric bass laying across his lap while he rumbles through some lost in my head grand old days with the boys and the band back in eighty-two and the daughter and the mom are discussing something they are going shopping they're all going to catch the bus downtown do the union square thing the girlfriend then looks up in a bitter dykish sneer and says i ain't going the daughter and the girlfriend then proceed to get into a little spat a little tiff a little misunderstanding about love and responsibility or the lack thereof mom does her new age new wave a few crystals of love logic injection motherly mediation advice from on high starts to tell of her past lesbian love affairs how women need to learn to argue and love at the same time the girls roll their eyes like it bothers them that dumbass mom has to interfere but it doesn't stop them from keeping up the good fight keeping up the good fight right up until the bus pulled up and they went shopping

just two days before today when today i sat on water i placed paddle in water and moved said paddle and then i did again with the other hand and again and again and again and the water was like glass out there on tomales bay tomales is maybe an old miwok word meaning bay they say well i guess it's better than using an old irish word meaning bottle of whiskey or maybe not the terns they moved across the water dozens of them at a time seals bouncing in and out of the water curious little fucks poking their head up about ten fifteen yards away looking at you kind of funny then ducking back under water just like some idea popping in your head then you forget it just like that it's gone maybe it will pop back up over there somewhere or perhaps behind you

we went back up to the house up the hill we barbecued oysters we played scrabble oldest boy child who is going to college next year is getting pretty good he can beat his old man sometime i beat d she is good she is killer competitive i practice for her though i do the jumbles on the comics page every day just to keep sharp for her know next year she'll come at me with vengeance she hates to lose

n and i snuck into the back yard and smoked a bowl we stood out back like we were the teenagers we made sure we were out of the light we looked back over our shoulders we tried to hide the red glowing bud of the joint we sat down and ate all of us the two families we laughed our oldest son and their oldest daughter same age hanging out been knowing each other since they were five our youngest son who is to be bar mitzvah'd next week is best friend with their youngest son who was bar mitzvah'd like a month ago and one and only daughter she has to bring her own friend because they only have two they should adopt someone the same age as one and only daughter n swims with me in the bay he goes camping with me we make crude jokes and smoke dope d and stella they don't smoke dope but that's oh kay except sometimes they scold n and me because we're stoned in front of the kids but there is nothing but love there and we're laughing and we're hugging and we're eating and we got cuda there and we all pile into our car somehow we end up with cuda and eight people in our car in our van stella has to drive because if she doesn't drive she gets car sick on the curvy roads between inverness and san francisco so we let her drive because there is nothing worse than stella hanging her head out the window and hurling twinkies all over creation and the western marin countryside and stella drives us back and we all pile out of the car and it's dark out but not really because we're back in the bright lights of the big city

and all that

Sugar Bowl

ah sugar oh sugar ah sugar shake it bake it wiggle it jiggle it mix it stir it blend in the butter blend in just a little bit of nilla dip in my finger swirl it round bring it up to my lips

ah sugar kiss me

dreaming living floating misting just walking down the sugary sidewalk skip to my lou do the hip shake down some autumn path

ah sugar kiss me tongue twirling dancing along the lips smack smack smack sugar smacks sugar pops sugar frosted flakes of love and devilry how do you do the things you do to me

ah sugar kiss me and make me smile

skip to my lou my darlin' skip to my lou my love

bright blue cold crisp heavenly sweet sky clouds peeking through the window winking at your sweet nakedness splayed on the table fingers kneading your butter kneading your cookie dough needing your cookie dough oh baby i do need your butter i do need your cream all whipped up into a frothy dollop of feathery breath

cat's in the cream jar ooh cat's in the cream jar ooh cat's in the cream jar ooh ooh skip to my lou my darlin'

whisper to me walk with me run with me skip to my lou dance with me twirl my baton my fiery baton juggle my swords

blindfolded

while the crowd claps and throws money into the old ragged hat sitting so smugly on the curb satisfaction satiation an instant instantiation of love and admiration

ah sugar kiss me sweet sugary sweet song sweet scents sweet cents sweet since i knew you since i had you since yes

blind love blind folded blind man's bluff spinning spinning spotlights spectacular special dancing in that sugar bowl look out baby i'm all a-twitter i'm spinning out of control

ah sugar kiss me

Mocha Madness

saturday morning post-swim rooftop southend buzz kicking in

sweet chocolate sistah sings dopio eggnog grande latte like it's some wildly exotic potion erotic lotion from the deep deep dark darker darkest caribbean

she so lovely she da lovely she so curvy and round in all the right places and her hair doo wah doo wah her hair all that diana ross mid-sixties

dip and flip

right down over those cherubic mahogany cheeks deep dimples giving way to that open so wide smile a silly little faux diamond cursive em suspended oh so delicately hell i was oh so jealous i wanted to be that sparkly em eagerly lapping up sloppy sloppies of java love like the big old puppy dog i am i am i am suspended from a silver chain down twixt those wonderful almond joys sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't lovely mounds of ample bosom oh my oh my sculpted as if by michelangelo himself sculpted for man to enjoy to savor to desire these were not tits tis too crude a term these oh my these to call these tits would be to insult the goddess herself these my friends were gorgeous cuddle up wth snuggle right down in there with your little ol' blankie

honey bosom ample bosom

i know i know i know why the white man went to south america and stole all the chocolate all the theobrama cacao all that nutty wondrous bucket of burnt umber why he spread it all over the land his cock a big ol butter knife spreading nutella thick and creamy cross the desert cross the ocean cross the fruited plains i know i know her

eyes

i glimpsed the eyes only a glimpse my own eyes

drawn down down she asked she sang sunday morning song big smiling mahalia jackson shoulda been wearing her church finest hat so smart so suave so sacred she asked she sang choir robes flowing hands folded clasped below beneath lovely lovelies voice flowing overflowing past through over me onto god himself she asks

can i help you

stammered reply americano three shots name please um michael a stirring in the loins oh kay mike with a little too much practiced emphasis on the final kuh i don't mind i don't care jiggle jiggle she said she said a sassy swing of that big beautiful bottom i'm fred sanford crying calling i'm comin lizbeth arm reaching up staggering backward the angel of death calling my time might as well go now might as well might as well

saturday morning madness and all that

Moleskine

the last pages these last few pages of my little moleskine the last few pages are always special always a transition always a moment to glance back think through my life over the last few weeks they usually last for six to eight weeks these little moleskines this little skine of mine i'm gonna let it shine this little skine of mine i'm gonna let it shine let it shine let it shine this little moleskine of mine this time it's green it's the van gogh museum edition i bought a couple of them when i was in amsterdam i've used other books to write in from green engineering books to little sketchpads but i'm now a moleskine kind of guy pocket size fits in my back pocket with my pen have to have a nice pen can't write without a decent pen got to have the right tool for the job this book it's my life it's my life it's got phone numbers meeting notes ideas diagrams arrows numbers a lot of words with lines scribbled through them especially these last few weeks a lot of energy most of my energy focused on something new something new a new something a new venture we're trying to build a new company we're four guys with an idea and a lawyer and powerpoints and a corporate seal from the great state of california and a nice and willing smile to go along with our tin cup as we wander up and down the hallways of the valley's vee sees whispering crying begging alms for the poor alms for the poor positioning positioning grandstanding boasting bragging pointing at power points with laser pens and talking numbers talking market share talking serviceable market versus total market talking about entering the market with as little friction as possible talking yes talking about space the television space the advertising space the video space the media processing space talking about networks talking about consumer reaction preaching the wondrousness of our ideas we're going to change the way things work we're going to change the world at least that part of the world that we really give a fuck about and that's your motherfucking television baby yeah yeah blah blah all we want all we need is for you mister vee see is for you all we need in order to make this all happen to bring about all these wondrous things these wondrous happenings all we need in order to bring you riches beyond your wildest dreams all we need is a few million dollars not many millions not a significant number of millions not military budget millions no just a few million what do you think come on we'll change your life come on we'll change the world come on yeah yeah yeah

the last pages these last few pages little green moleskine talk to me talk to me talk to me and playing poker on a friday night i am brutalized i am a victim of a fucking drive-by shooting we must call the authorities i've been mugged by my so-called friends no less yeah yeah i lost big i lost big i hate to lose i'm not a good loser i mean i'm past all the tossing the board up and watching all the monopoly money and pieces and community chest cards and the joker's wild but not for me how many fucking times can a human being play into an inside straight like i did i must be a man of faith i just knew i just knew i just knew that god would provide and the motherfucker didn't even have the courtesy to provide me with a lousy eight didn't need any particular eight i wasn't greedy i didn't need a straight flush just a simple little straight that's all i wanted but nooooo no sir-ree-dee-dee didn't get it didn't show up didn't get it except for one time i did manage to pull a four into a three five six seven hand but the cocksucker across the table had a fucking flush and then and then and then just to add on another little layer of misery just to do that final little flick of the dick that final little shake where that last drop plopped right down on my uplifted face my four nines went down down down to four jacks

yeah last pages of my moleskine numbers and barriers to entry and little diagrams of clouds and arrows and circles and dollar signs and the little drawings of columns that have come to be known as data storage in these little drawings and notes from a conference call yes no yes yes yes looks like the dialogue in a cheap romance novel yes yes yes oh dear god yes

and yeah last pages of my moleskine last pages sometimes i can't finish the book i just leave the last pages blank i'm going into a major meeting i know that i'm going to need more than a couple of pages so i break out a new one and the old one goes into hot backup mode it's ready if i need it eventually it migrates to that special place in my office for old books my archives my library it goes back for years i have most of them i've lost a couple here or there it's a terrible tragedy when that happens but but but but shit it does happen yes it does

sometimes i can't finish the book

sometimes i just can't finish a sentence

sometimes i can't fathom the time

sometimes sometimes sometimes sounds like a fucking paul simon song i got your bridge over trouble water right here buddy i got something for your mistress robinson baby here's to you suck on this joe dimaggio

but i always got my moleskine

i always got my moleskine

and all that