Fester

ah sugar

you are a fucking chigger you got under my skin you burrowed deeply you made me all red and splotchy ah geeze you itch you itch you fucking bitch you got under my skin you irritate you fucking fester you are a chigger you just make me want to scratch it is a most tantalizing itch it is a most disappointing scratch i'm you're fucking fleabag dog sitting on my ass scratching behind my ear with my back leg it just itches baby oh baby it just itches so much

i can't figure it out can't figure it out i just can't understand just can't fathom can't pull the plum out of the fucking pie i can't i can't does this itch fester because i just utterly failed to seduce you because i just couldn't close the deal just couldn't woo you woo woo you baby could it be could it be

rather rather lather gather your thoughts could it be that you are simply too too mysterious so so mysterious is that even your name what's your name little girl what's your game who are you what are you why fucking art thou are you even close to who you say you are how dangerous are you how close how close have you come how close have you been near to concluding that the only way out is running the blade sliding the razor across my exposed paleness slitting my throat slitting my soul so mysterious do i even know who you are

rather rather lather gather together your cute little delicate undies could it just be it's because you're so fucking hot

i guess i just don't know i guess i just won't know i guess there's just no fucking way to know but i hope it's all of the above mother fucker i hope you give me a run for my money i hope you rip open my chest and expose my insanity humiliate me before god and jesus  find me naked drained and bleeding at the kitchen table wanted dead or alive yeah all of the above i don't care i don't care just make sure you fuck me fuck me with

enthusiasm baby you know

i'm fucking itching and all that

Vegas, Baby

rev it up rev it up rev it up big white lincoln big fucking white lincoln with white leather seats rev it up rev it up we driving baby we driving to vegas down the highway across the desert we driving to vegas look outside look outside bright blue skies sunglasses on sweet sweetness out the window

click click sizzle crackle the fiery end of twisted rice paper aflame and glowing the waft the waft the aroma of the first joint of the morning down the onramp down two-eighty around that fucking red-headed stepchild of a city called san jose who the fuck lives in san jose anyway i'd almost rather live in milpitas at least you can make fun of milpitas it's such a fucking pit but hey

this is an uplifting piece

swing onto the one oh one drop in on gilroy move it on down move it on down the edge of the central valley california aqueduct here and there big valley baby wide left at paso robles through the valley of the moon over the hills across the desert i feel like moses show me lord show me the burning fucking bush

ah that first joint big phattie big twist ahhhhhh nothing like a journey joint to make a ride smooth and delicious i dig the ride i dig the drive i dig the journey we're four adults we're four middle-aged white guys two jews and two guys married to jews not exactly what i would call a diverse crowd although big meehall is getting back into his roots getting back into his past getting back into his into his yeah he's a big fucking irishman with a big fucking heart small bladder

he had to piss three times before lunch me i had three joints and a conference call before lunch rev it up rev it up

four of us sandman joeperv meehall and me your lovable joeschmuck we piled into a car we drove we drove we drove to vegas baby drove to vegas birthday treat for me thanks guys thanks drove to vegas baby four guys and more weed than we should reasonably be carrying across state lines but we carried no weapons at least none that could be discharged i mean meehall had his blade but it was less than eighteen inches long for medicinal purposes only we drove we drove to vegas baby long drive i figure that drive took us about eight or nine joints and several bowls and

a small pack of sour gummy worms

cruising through the valley of the moon after lunch at paso robles they don't like my music i can tell by their gentle stoned suggestions to try something else fuck em i'm driving i need a little space hop i mean dude it's michael franti it's spearhead ok ok ok i'll put in some allman brothers it's a classic i'll put in some dead it's a classic make your white middle class stoner hearts feel at home the lunch ok it was a bit disgusting barbecue ain't supposed to be sweet like that

and you call this cornbread the mediocratization of the rural american cuisine is more like it fuck

about this time we realize that this drive is going to take forever don't need to go to san luis obispo to get to vegas san luis is on the coast vegas is in the desert and by the way it's in fucking nevada ah yeah take a left at paso robles baby we'll manage

ah

cruising through the valley of the moon pass right by where james dean decided to dance with the devil or rather with a young man named donald turnupseed i shit you not he once said my momma died when i was wee that's why i'm me but his porsche spyder and young turnupseed's ford didn't get along and the rest is well the rest is the rest and we drove right by it four sixty-six and forty-six we're going to vegas baby vegas baby bye bye jimmy wish i could sing you a line from one of your flicks but i can't i can't

do you realize you had the most beautiful face ah jimmy

cruising through the valley of the moon we hit the highway you can tell by the way the traffic has come to a near standstill in the left lane that we've come to the sphincter of the traffic jam i wonder why it's jam and not jelly because little richard he used to say he used to say it must be jelly must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake that way

rev it up rev it up the desert at night the desert at night it ain't the desert in the day number one it's much more difficult to pass a joint from the backseat to the frontseat at night big white lincoln big white leather seats can't believe the fuckers didn't like my music

too stoned to remember number two and they still don't like my music

that's all right that's all right that's all right rev it up big white lincoln doing eighty ninety screaming across the desert floor life's out there desert life in the night ain't there in the day we're desert life tonight gotta stop and piss on the side of the road gotta piss in the desert feel like i'm in dune can't waste my water better piss in a bottle

rev it up rev it up the desert at night gotta cross the sierras tehachapi is the pass dig

big white lincoln sniffed out the big city sniffed out the big town you could fucking see it for miles and miles and miles we made it we made it we made it took about twelve maybe fourteen maybe twenty-four hours seems like we just got into the car a minute ago got out of the car at a rest area like fucking fast times at ridgemont high smoke billowing out as the doors opened four stoners and jay and silent bob falling out in slow motion

baby better buy me a redbull i got money burning a hole in my pocket i got insanity burning a hole in my psyche i got desire burning a hole in my groin i am diseased i have an illness i am fucking contagious i'm in vegas baby what goes down in vegas stays in vegas

rev it up big white lincoln and all that

Buddha

i look on i talk i speak i gesture

me the buddha forty-five graying at the temples graying all over they sit around three of them fucking twenty something looking nodding with enlightenment when i speak when i mumble hell when i fart asking advice and actually listening 

me the buddha forty-five graying at the temples graying all over i answer because they're young reaching for life not wanting to dive into the madness of the working stiff fighting two decades of indoctrination scared to death it's fucking scary out there fucking george double-u bush is their president what the fuck is that scared to death that they like those before them will succumb to the societal structure the fucking group virus implanted at birth nurtured through school and billboards and the back of their cereal boxes 

me the buddha forty-five graying at the temples graying all over grasping for any straw placed before them i am their he-kicked-why-can't-we example of the day 

me the buddha forty-five graying at the temples graying all over i want to just stand up grab them by the collar shake them and scream you stupid little farts age only give me the right of arrogance you don't even know me i just might be crazy you don't know i may have killed two young women and their dog yesterday with a brass candlestick and a zippo lighter you don't know you don't get it i don't know if it was for joy or fear don't you get it don't you fucking get it but i don't i don't say it i don't say anything meaningful i only continue my eloquent pontification 

me the buddha forty-five graying at the temple graying all over

graying buddha and all that

Elimidate

the two of them sat together across the room sort of chatting sort of smiling sipping their drinks eyes darting about i looked on plotting bought them a couple of drinks raised my own in salute as they glanced about curiously when in one synchronized motion they flipped me off sure i was hurt sure i was embarrassed but at least but at least i provided them with an outlet for that obviously inevitable emotional outburst i felt good about that helping out the neighborhood being the good samaritan i felt good about that i felt good and could peacefully crawl into my bed all by myself later that night jerk off and watch elimidate in peace

Whale's Tale

ah sweet jesus it must be horrible must be horrible i could not live i could not remain i could not continue had that happened to my child could not should not would not how does she do it how does she do it one of her own one of her loins one of her blood of her own essence no longer swimming beside her no he lay

dead on the shore

smelled like death the kid was huge tremendous this teenage whale awash on the shore sweet jesus the smell fuck the smell fucking stupid dog cuda she went and rolled all in the fucking dead whale muck being washed into the sea

waves crashing violent thundering low overcast sky fog creeping around the point where the cliff house sat cool wind blowing north along the shore carrying the stench to the neighbors up on the hill up on sutro's heights over the ribbon of great highway to the sun peeking its head up morning yawn hands in pocket we're standing around no one's really saying anything

every now and then someone walks up and touches it

sweet jesus sweet goddess of the sea we all pray not out loud not really even mumbling but i know those around me are praying i can feel it i can feel them joining my prayers my prayers for this teenager's mother swimming around out there now in wild panic hell it's been twelve hours since the kid washed up they're saying washed up last night wild panic oh sweet goddess of the sea who provides the krill who provides the curents who provides the milk to feed my young please help me find my boy

sweet goddess bring him back to me return my child i will be a better mother i will be the best mother i will i will i will please give me back my baby sweet goddess i beg you i plead i whore myself unto you just deliver me my child oh sweet goddess amen

we stand on the beach we hear her prayers nothing stronger than a mother's prayers

his eyes his eyes smoky black translucent one wide open one side of his head the other side the other eye half shut bloodshot mouth sort of open is that a tongue baline ocean bleached washed clean the tide only now starting to come in his eyes so large so large his open eye as big as my two fists clenched together pressed against my forehead so deep so deep please don't look at me that way i want to help i want to help but it seems i'm way too late i'm so sorry i'm so sorry sweet jesus have mercy

i can't reach the top his height holds itself above me and laughs his length needs a couple of pickup trucks or more to carry him out they won't carry him out they'll bury him with sand to keep the stench down the bulldozers will come push piles of sand around let the sea take him a little bit at a time a good strong ebb could suck him right off the beach same as the flood put him there

but i can touch him reach out and touch him touch his chest rest my hand it is so firm and soft the energy still there almost like the oncoming decay had kept the body warm felt like a warm wetsuit thick thick and moist black deep deep water black please don't look at me that way

we stand on the beach we hear her prayers

didn't stand there long maybe a minute maybe fifteen minutes don't really remember the water inched up chasing us up the beach letting us back down to the dead creature

i heard his mother when i touched him

where do you look it's not like there are old abandoned wells no lassie to come bounding in barking no corners to look around no perverts riding around in cadillacs looking for a little fun no just lots of fucking water dark water miles and miles of dark water swimming around screaming swimming around begging swimming around heart beating pounding having to rise to surface more and more short of breath diving deep scrambling

oh god oh god oh god

screaming in the dark we prayed we prayed blessed be sweet mother your son returns bit by bit the sea she takes back her own how did he get here we don't know the experts don't know they need to study the situation lots of whales migrating north right now could have been separated from the herd could have been sick doesn't look sick though doesn't seem wounded

maybe he was a young teenager who had fallen in love only to have his love unrequited his heart broken he floated away and perished in his sadness it happens not just in stories

screaming in the dark we prayed oh god oh god oh god

the birds will come they must come the birds will come and pick his carcass clean they will come they must come it's a fight against time the birds versus the sea see it's not just us silly humans that think we can outrun her sweet goddess sweet goddess of the sea sweet cunt of the world let me plant my face between your breasts and cry sob pray the birds will come they must come

cuda though she just rolled in whale shit

and all that

Morning

aw darlin' it's not even morning yet but it ain't night either it's one of those funky stages of time one of those times marked tagged eye-dee'd by nothing because it is nothing nothing at all it's one of those wrinkles that the witch in the woods told you about and and and 

to be caught inside the wrinkle is nothing more than pure unadulterated partially hydrogenated chance drawing to the inside straight landing the ace in the hole in a game of chicago flipping a coin heads tails leaner it's not like you get an embossed invitation it's not like you get a lovely phone call asking you to join the party there is no choice to participate or not to participate just nothing much you can do about it

sounds float through the air morning sounds perhaps but then again there is fucking silence no sounds i can hear only a faint heartbeat nothing the light in the room is crisp and clear but the curtains are drawn and it is morning dark the window is cracked open and the curtains move but the air is still 

my mouth is dry with morning anticipation but the slight spittle of sleep is at the corners my mind is racing with shattering revelations but i can't remember a fucking one 

hey sugar is this death is this the way it is the way it may be will be is i wonder i wonder i wonder if perhaps this is not the way death may be 

she stella there beside me stella both of us beneath partially beneath the sheet that seems to have been carelessly tossed over us she is on her side with her back to me to me to me and the nape of her neck is perhaps two inches from my lips ah the nape of her neck the neck so vulnerable

three strands of her hair tickle my nostrils ever so slightly

and i blow gently to move them she stirs doesn'tt wake i start to whisper her name but i can't remember it the time the wrinkle the moment will not let me only morning mumblings escape

her blondish reddish brownish hair is my field of vision but somehow somehow somehow i have us both scoped a vision of us both from above concurrently simultaneously the same fucking time a lovely picture a video a grainy movie with blips and scratches my arm is around her waist over her waist that much i can feel ah feel the touch and from above i see the outline beneath the sheet the smooth contours of two human forms entangled

when i slide slide slide my hand from where it's tucked neatly between her stomach slide slide and the bed across her stomach slide slide fingers circling her navel up to her hip not only can i feel it but i see it from above the topography of the relief map being disturbed like small earth tremors moving through the land

i'm watching myself in my own home video yet feeling every physical sensation of the character me moi virtual me myself and i baby

disturbed she mumbles a name my name i suppose i hope i wonder i forget i don't recognize it i don't even understand the linguistics the phonetics are familiar but the linking of the syllables is impossible 

from my director's chair i see the form turn and roll my relief map not destroyed but totally transformed to something i don't need want at this time slow motion slowly motional lowly emotional her hair flowing like some roman polanski natasia kinski tess running through a field of flowers kind of movie her arm moving around over me around me her breasts sliding across and down my chest nipple against nipple her nose and open lips settling in on my neck she says the name again a forty-five single played at thirty-three are pee em totally analog wave form elongated stretched wide between two bars

i scream from the chair above cut cut cut but the angle is fading fast the audio speeds up as her tongue darts out and my skin leaps forward to greet it one goose bump at a time she slides she slides glides glides slithers down circling the nipple traffic circle where to get off where to turn how to exit around around around and then onward down

my vision from above is totally distorted blurred video fade to reality as i'm forced to join to take part i'm dragged into this audience participation style play as she dives below my navel this little bubble of time that held me so gently this morning is burst by my opening blade slashed by the knife of the morning

Jesus Don't Cry

don't cry jesus oh jesus don't cry don't cry it's going to get better it's going to be all right the sun will sink tonight and the sun will rise tomorrow and maybe the moon will rise in between maybe not but we know tomorrow it will be just like today maybe a few minutes longer spring equinox approaching don't you know jesus just know

i have ventured far i have wandered afar i have i have i ain't no saint i ain't the saint room is very very crowded and i just don't know if i fit in i just don't know if i can swing the sainthood thing i ain't no saint but i can't say that i'm lost i can't say that i'm lost it ain't that bad it ain't that bad really i mean jesus don't cry i think it'll work out i really do

i mean you and me we used to be tight i used to come over to your house every sunday we'd hang we'd talk we'd chat me you me you me you namaste baby namaste 

you taught me a lot you taught me a lot the love baby the love you taught me the love and for that my friend i do indeed thank you i do indeed i mean that golden rule thing my man it was brilliant that turn the other cheek thing it was brilliant it was it was indeed my man the j-man you da man da man you taught me a lot you are

da man what will get down on his hands and knees and wash the feet of the harlot take care take care you care you mingled with whores and thieves and tax collectors and priests and wealthy men and wise men and not so wise men and you had a cool posse you had the j-gang you wandered you wandered and you talked about the love you talked about the love i dig i do dig

i mean you and me we used to be tight but i couldn't hang with your crowd couldn't hang with your folks with your people couldn't make it work hey it happens it happens

don't cry jesus oh jesus don't cry don't cry it's going to get better

i just know i just know i got the faith i got the faith i do i do i can stand up and scream hallelujah hallelujah amen baby i can mumble our father who art all day long baby i can i can

i may mingle your memory i may i just may

with other love i may thank you jesus thank you mary thank you krishna thank you rama thank you moses thank you sweet aphrodite who sets my groin afire

i may mingle your memory i may i just may

sit around the table and pour a glass of wine for elijah and wonder what old mohammad is doing tonight and rub da buddha tummy and smoke da buddha green herb and squeeze the grapes with bacchus and glorify the words of my man gandhi i may i may i just may because

it's all good it's all good yeah baby it's all good so

don't cry jesus oh jesus don't cry don't cry it's going to get better

the swords and the plowshares thing jesus the walking on water thing the calming the sea thing the water into wine thing the raising of lazarus from the dead thing i want to see you on the big screen baby don't but don't show me the downside we all know about the downside i think the world has seen enough of the downside let's see the love j let's see the love let's see you taking those loaves let's see you taking that basket of fish let's see you feed the people now that gig had power that gig had what i call curb appeal real appeal

i got the faith baby i do i do

i may mingle mary magdalene i may mingle mary's memories i may just want to mingle with mary i want to roll with mary i want to slip slide and slurp with mary she is love you are love god is love she is love i do love i need love i have love i give love i breathe love i sniff love i lick love i fuck love i cum all over love with joy in my fucking heart with joy in my fucking scrotum i dance and scream and rejoice and i hug the devil and i rip open my chest and expose my heart and say

take it satan

but you can't take away the love you can't take away the love

i want to see you on the big screen and i want to see love and i want to feel love and i want to give love and i want i want to be selfish and i want to be giving and i want you to push your love right through me let it wrap around me let it ignite me like a roman fucking candle let it cleanse my bowels let it cleanse my soul let it cleanse let it cleanse

don't cry jesus oh jesus don't cry we'll get it right one day we have tomorrow we have tomorrow we'll get it right one day don't cry jesus don't cry

jesus don't cry

it's all good it's all good

and all that

Spit

maybe it's age yeah maybe it's experience ah  i don't know but it seems it appears it has become quite evident that i've been able i have developed this fine fluid motion of leaning over to spit as i unzip my fly flip out my pecker and piss all at the same time spit and piss spit and piss spit and piss simultaneously no shit sherlock no shit life imitating art

piss and vinegar and all that

it's my birthday and i'm now officially middle aged

and all that

Doing Time

your touch is caffiene deep dark espresso double triple depth charge electricity running across my skin teeth grind mind alert open moving focused diverted skewed concentrated crawling

hand through the hair don't sit there i'm liable to stare stare at the fucking quartz clock tick tock hollow fucking knock what to do when the skin crawls when the pores bleed when the bricks in the wall count the cracks in your face donne-moi une cigarette et une demitasse du cafe noire s'il te plait

your touch is caffiene

your touch

and all that

Closer to God

every now and then you just gotta sit back finger your navel contemplate the old belly button just sit back sit back ponder wonder pose the question consider the choice make a decision dig the duality which one which one women or weed

i mean now i consider myself a righteous man who believes that there exists there will exist has existed many paths to god many many paths to nirvana many paths to heaven many paths to the multitudes of virgins just waiting for me when i go when i pass and the sacred gluttony that i possess lawdy lawdy i just want to take them all take them all women weed all sorts of wondrous things

i might not have to be limited to just weed or women i mean there's meditation there's chanting there's lashing yourself with whips there's funky mushrooms and peyote there's even that tantric thing going on i just got to try that tantric thing one day i know i can will myself i know i can will myself i just got to think about you baby about you sugar

weed or women women or weed i mean how would you choose when the big guy puts the lightening bolt to your head and says yo mo fo you best be choosing you best be making up your blown out mind dig

i mean before you go on about your scolding me for thinking such nonsense i mean first you got to consider your goals what is the goal what is it exactly that we're trying to do here i'm going to tell you i'm going to tell you i'm going to tell you i'm always trying to get closer to god i'm just trying to get closer to god

i know i know i know when i smoke da buddha kick back on the beach dig the bitch throwing her mad foamy self against the shore i know i know i know i see i hear i taste i feel i talk to god i get closer to god

i know i know i know when i taste the sugar touch the sugar feel the sugar see the sugar hear the sugar i know i know i know i get closer to god i get so so close to god to god

i know when i clean the buddha trim the buddha play with the buddha roll the buddha light up the buddha fire up the buddha inhale the buddha live the buddha love the buddha i know i get closer to god

i know when i slide with the sugar sample the sugar synch with the sugar i know i know i get closer to god

how can one choose the righteous path point me to the path of the righteous show me the yellow brick road part the fucking red sea send the coyote down to lead me it just ain't right it ain't right no man can make such a choice no man should have to make such a choice smoke some sugar sugar should smoke it's all good we're all good we all only want to get a little closer to god

closer to god

and all that