Sugar me Jesus

life is the tits life is the tits life is the tits ain't it ain't it

been wanting to talk about jesus jesus he been on my mind been on a lot of folks mind lately it seems i think about jesus all the time don't know why just do he comes to mind he hangs a bit he leaves for a while but usually comes back within a day or so

the jay man he been on my mind

sugar me touch me softly energize me take full control sugar me is what i say to jesus when he's in the room when she's in the room been wanting to talk about jesus i think a lot about jesus and now they have this movie out this jesus snuff movie it's all the topic of discussion so so so been wanting to talk about jesus

last week last week history baby last week in the recent past cold evening in philadelphia philly baby perfect place to slice and drill a philly blunt sugar big city big joint take a walk not like new york new york but still east coast yeah east coast with a chip on their shoulder and thursday night according to the locals that i chatted up thursday night is the night the city parties on the weekends they all come in from the suburbs but

thursday they party

in philly doing the biz thing doing the deal thing all television now pours through philly go figure go figure but when it comes to television then it's philly in philly in philly doing the biz thing doing the deal thing went to dinner me a dude from work and two of his buddies here in philly they grew up in philly they love philly big boys city boys they're drinking they're drinking i'm not i'm not a drinker but i like watching them get drunk they've known each other since grade school i'm the odd man out they're doing the remember this shit the remember that shit

this one guy joe one of the buddies from the past joe is telling me he went to see the new jesus movie went to see the new jesus movie mel's movie fuck mel fuck his agenda i'm not saying anything hey ain't no reason to get excited he loved the movie said it was exactly like it happened the fucking bible said it was so jesus loves me this i know because

the bible tells me so

so joe has to poll the group he's fucking excited he went to see it on ash wednesday he had the ashes on his big sloping forehead he took his fucking mother to see the movie he's sincere he's telling us all this at the same time he's telling us about the way his wife gives him blowjobs now because she has a bad back

i'm trying not to respond i'm trying to move the subject back to his wife's blowjobs but he has to know hey you going to see the movie jim said he's going to see the movie hey you going to see the movie and ray said he's going to see the movie and hey you going to see the movie i said no i'm not going to see the movie

why not why aren't you going to see the movie i said i'm not going to see the fucking movie why not it's just the way it happened right out of the bible i said i don't care you don't care no i don't fucking care why don't you care

why should i care

it shows how much he suffered he suffered for us all i lit a cigarette i looked away i looked out the window i took a big hit off the cigarette i have a two hundred mile rule about cigarettes only smoke them on the road so i get these intense nicotine rushes when i light a cigarette so i light a cigarette took a big hit off the cigarette the nicotine poured through my body ah the rush ah the fucking rush better than a fucking cocaine rush baby it's the best no wonder millions are hooked

shows how much he suffered

i guess i really wanted to talk about jesus i just needed a little nicotine to push me there i guess i really wanted to talk about jesus with a drunk fucking irishman in philadelphia i said

first of all the jay man i do dig him so he is the fucking sugar for the soul i do dig him but i got to tell you brother i got to tell you my friend i just got to tell you that i'm not really down with the suffering shit the world suffers my brother the world suffers i don't suffer much can't really say i suffer at all i mean

i have a family i have friends i have a home i have health and happiness for the most part jesus most of the world would happily trade for what i might call a problem the world suffers i don't even have to go through the list i don't have to talk about it everyone knows shit is happening wicked shit is happening

so no my man let's focus on love there is not enough love there is enough suffering let's focus on the love jesus was is about love my brother jesus was is about respect and love he washed the feet of a whore he restored life to a wretched tax collector he gave food and comfort to the masses and he told old pontius pilate and the priests that he wanted nothing to do with their bullshit their little rituals that the one way the way

love is the way baby

don't take the focus from love baby

aw fuck aw fuck aw fuck baby he suffered he may have suffered he probably did suffer shit he probably did suffer can't take away from that don't mean to take away from that the jay man he suffered the buddha suffered gandhi suffered fucking kunta kinte suffered six million jews suffered a couple million cambodians suffered a million rwandans suffered millions of native americans

shit people been puttin' the sufferin' on other people for a long long time

the jay man he's about love though baby my man gandhi is all about love baby let's keep the focus on love baby jah kingdom is all about love

zion is babylon baby it's all about love find the love find the love find love

sugar me jesus jesus sugar me

jah kingdom

i lit another cigarette he lit another cigarette he looked at me a little sideways he looked at the other two they shrugged he said glancing over at this pair of cute young things at the next table joe said yeah did i ever tell you about the time i had a fucking hat trick yeah ocean beach yeah three women three different times one night

sugar me jesus jah kingdom

The Word

you say i know what these words do to you you say you say you say so what do they do to you sugar tell me what they do sit down at your sweet little keyboard and bang it out tell me tell me tell me exactly what it is that they do tap tap tap tell tap tap

call me up whisper to me what it is that these words do to you tell me everything that they do to you tell me if you melt tell me if you just get all hot and bothered tell me if you just need to have me write these words across your honey tell me if you want me to dip my tongue in the ink well and sign my name beneath the words let me let me let me please

light a small fire and i will look toward the horizon i will study the smoke i will read the smoke tell me tell me tell me i want to know i need to know i want to know light that fire baby fire up those signals

let me be your telegraph wire send that electricity all up and through to me dot dot dash dash sweetness in the line moving like sunshine moving like rain clouds moving like a hailstorm screaming across the desert let me be your telegraph

shake it baby shake it inject my tea leaves with the word slice the lifeline of my right palm and read me the word throw down the coins and i fucking ching the word toss the card toss the card toss the card

send me a hallmark baby with a two line opener and a two line closer couplets of the word bring it up bring it up bring it up

slink up behind me with the needle and ink and tattoo the message tattoo the message tattoo onto my back behind my left shoulder tattoo the word

forge the word in iron hammer it out hammer it out hammer it out forge the word in iron and heat it up heat it up heat it up and singe the word onto my skin brand me with the word brand me with the word brand me

call me and whisper to me

the word

Walk this Way

i'm burning out on this style i'm burning out on this path i'm burning out on this whole thing maybe i need a change maybe i need a transformation maybe i need to be re-invented maybe i need to evolve maybe i need to be transmogrified

it gets so fucking old it gets so fucking easy

i've been here before i've been i've been at this very spot

i recognize

it ain't some deja vu kind of moment i ain't breaking into any see es en why sixties song with david give me your liver crosby mumbling seems like i've been here before with all of you

i just know

and it will pass it will flow right through me and lucky charms magically delicious presto change-o i'm either the same schmuck i always was i just don't worry about it for a while or i fucking change

yeah yeah yeah well fucking duh no shit sherlock the fucking light is either on or off you fucking moron yeah but get this get this what if it ain't what if it ain't off it ain't on asshole

jesus ain't a black jesus ain't white jesus jesus what if he really did exist but hey he's just a really cool guy well above jerry garcia but you know maybe not fucking god for chrissake

jesus jesus

i fell asleep last night and i dreamed of you and the pillow was defiled in the morning

everybody everybody everybody just love to hear me write about love about sugar about those little things i do those little things they want me to do they know they want me to do they know they know everybody here just love to read so they can giggle so they can feel the little tingle so they can feel the little bit of excitement so they can get that little bit of vicarious thrill that little buzz that little schwing between the legs that makes them feel like they are alive like they are living their life not awaiting their death

they just love it when i spin sugar into cotton candy

where they gonna go when i stand up crack open my chest and expose this black heart when i release all the demons when i just say devil be gone take this wretched soul and weave it into the black cloth of debauchery where they gonna go

where they gonna go when i spit venom when i turn when they discover that i bleed black when they discover that i've never been alive when they discover that sugar and salt may come from the same shaker shake shake sprinkle sprinkle shit

where they gonna go the life is just sucked out from me when my soul is dry when when when the love is gone ah shit when they find out that the love was never there what they gonna do what they gonna do what they gonna do

go buy a playgirl maybe go back to their little electric friend maybe go back go back go back to their middle class values and pretend to have sex at home maybe maybe maybe

i recognize the demons

jesus moses rama come exorcise these demons take them away carve them out with a dull rusty knife saw open my throat and let them flee fuck thee devil fuck thee devil be gone

shit

if i had ever been here before i'd know just what to do with all of you

amen

 

Touch the Sky

i want to talk about the heat about the heat about field hand heat about heat that simmers about humidity that starts to cook the greens in a puddlin' pot

heat that purges your sins

i want to talk about the heat that drives a daily afternoon rain that's cooking the ground slowly so slowly that the mushrooms sprout and grow before the shower ends before the drizzle deigns to fall gotta get out there early in the late afternoon beat the crowds to the fields wear your boots your shit kickin' boots baby bring a paper bag plastic makes them mold baby don't want no mold on your shrooms baby you just want pure love letter when you ingest when you reach out and touch the sky

touch the sky

oh baby the sky runs forever from the fields from one end to the other and around don't know which way is which the sun is such a haze you can barely find it in the sky ob baby the sky runs forever

the heat pulls away your breath you have to breathe slowly you have to take your time let me tell you if you breathe too fast the heat baby it will suck the breath right out of your body and draw out your very soul

the heat will suck your soul

suck your soul

i don't know what day it was monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday baby 'twas a day is all i know a summer day a hot fucking day another day just another day

lawdy lawdy early early morning mustang sixty-five two eighty-nine high performance heading down highway forty-one forty-one forty-one like a fucking allman brothers song cliche start cliche life baby

ain't nothing cliche about picking tobacco baby it sucks

build character kind of job that's going to have you appreciating college the old man said you can pick tobacco you can do any fucking job if you have to ain't no shame in working with your hands ain't no shame in working man gotta eat you pick tobacco you going to go to college just to get a break and go wash that shit off your hands

working tobacco you always know a man working tobacco by looking at his hands always has tar on them hands tar will not just wash off tar has to wear off takes a month maybe more for that tar to wear off

wheels spinning onto the gravel road leading up to the trailer the bossman comes walking out

god is love but tobacco is money i got nothing but money growing all around me here green money acres of green money all i'm asking your boys is to nourish this money take care of this money pick this money gently from the stalk and take it to the barn aiight

bossman lives in the trailer his wife brings us coffee the three of us stand around drinking coffee we're sixteen we're wearing white cotton shirts long-sleeved light khakis we still get tanned fucking sun don't care

ricky over there he too cool he wears jeans and a black kiss shirt he's a fucking idiot he won't make it to college he's going to be picking tobacco rest of his life nothing wrong with it just that ricky he's a fucking idiot

the heat will suck your soul

suck your soul

east forty drive the tractor over ride on the flatbed trailer eddie smoking cigarettes and it's hot baby hot jesus it's hot breathing hurts like beathing in pus warm pus hot tar and pesticides and tractor exhaust and cigarette smoke all mixed in with the fucking humidity

starting on the tree side working the rows toward the roadside where the bossman's wife will leave the water cooler sweet sweet water

the breath is hot the breath is wet the breath is heavy heavy and wet wet and heavy

working the row sand lugs fucking suck sand lugs fucking blow fucking such critters down there eight-legged six-legged four-legged no-legged we're the only two-legged fools about all god's creatures need a little love not when they're trying to suck my blood they ain't

walking behind the tractor pinching the leaves throwing them under our arms handing the load up to the guy on the trailer him putting them on the spit on the rick hanging it on the rack take the racks to the barn

the heat will suck your soul

suck your soul

breathing short always asthma had it since i was six months old mamma used to stay up all night with me gently scratching my back telling me it was all right everything was all right all right all night

you can't always get what you want but if you try real hard you just might get what you need

i needed to breathe chest tight couldn't get my breath couldn't take any more of this shit in the air bossman puts me on the trailer ride high get out of the dirt reach out and touch the sky

touch the sky

aw lawdy can't breathe can't breathe aw lawdy take this plastic bag off my head aw lawdy

aw lawdy i'm drowning i'm drowning ah lord set me free unbind these chains wrapped round my chest tight tight tight

all i wanna do all i wanna do all i wanna do is

breathe

reach the end of the row hit the dirt road turn around drop me off next tot he cooler we be back to check on you next run down the other row god made time and tobacco and both are money dig

sitting on the dusty clay dusty dirt dusty dusty road head between my legs breathe baby breathe ah the fucking air is so foul fuck the great fucking outdoors just want to fucking breathe can't bhreahe ah fuck mamma let me breathe or let me die don't leave me here in this hellish limbo

car slowly pulls up i don't even look up could be the fucking grim reaper himself getting out of the fake wood panel'd station wagon

then crunching of gravel beneath shoe not beneath boot but beneath shoe

breathe

the stirring of dust

breathe

a white lace hanky floats down to cover my head

pulse baby pulse breathe

followed by a hand and a voice oh jesus oh jesus enter this sinner enter this sinner open up his heart open up his lungs let him breathe again

pulse baby pulse breathe

the heat will suck your soul

suck your soul

oh sweet jesus one is saying followed by the laying of another hand a firmer hand an older hand on my shoulders squeezing gnawing kneading my shoulders gutteral sounds coming from her wrinkled face her wrinkled throat sounds like a fucking turkey gobblering except with kind of a cadence kind of a harmony kind of a song melodic drifting here and there and thereafter the other now singing hymns old hymns odes to jesus sweet jesus baptist hymns harsh and sweet

god spoke to moses through the burning bush jesus spoke to me through the gutteral tongue of a little old baptist lady who drove an old chevy wagon

pulse baby pulse breathe i can't breathe maybe jesus don't want me to breathe maybe jesus wants to

suck my soul suck my soul

shady grove my little love i'm bound to go away

dust swirling the younger one swooning oh sweet jesus sweet young voice angels flowing through her ample bosom love flowing from her hips she will provide many a a fine christian child

pulse baby pulse i can't breathe jesus wants

to suck my soul suck my soul

what in the hell's name are you doing to that poor boy can't you see his suffering i hear the tractor pulling up i hear the bossman jumping off i hear him beating his floppy hat on his hip swiginging it at my angel and my devil

the devil the old she devil hissng her gutteral venom at the bossman the younger one still my angel

oh you get a line i'll get a pole we'll all go down to the crawdad hole honey baby mine

the bossman elling get the hell out of here chasing them away from me the others too scared too nervous to laugh or help don't want to fuck with a man's religion don't want to fuck with a woman's faith

the bossman yelling the doors slamming the car taking off aw lawdy

gravel scrunching

love is feverish

pulse baby pulse breath returning is jesus still here or did the bossman run him off with the wood panel'd wagon

the heat will suck your soul suck your soul

wonder where it goes dare to breathe something to believe

 

Sugar Sin

ah sugar sugar come slide and share a sin with me slide slide slide

until we weep let the guilt spread let the guilt seep let the guilt play with the dandelions growing from our graves spread it on spread it thick but top it with a dollop of lust and it tastes so so so delicious baby delicious baby delicious

it's ok it's ok the water splashing against the rocks dripping from the fountain sweet maple syrup flowing from the tap jiggle jiggle sip and slurp shake and bake lick and tick not a bad way to go not a bad way to go dig

the water splashing against the rocks will cleanse our spirits will cleanse our souls will scrub our scalps the water splashing against the rocks cans the karma cans the creamed corn washes willie wishes willie swishes willie switches willie

take me to the river drop me in the water take me in to the river dip me in the water washing me down washing me down

ah sugar sugar slip and slide drop me a riddle and make me hide my silly seriousness make me giggle make me laugh make me run naked through macy's on a saturday afternoon i dig the chicks at the perfume counter they spritz and spray my mighty member with sweet and low sweet and low sweet and low

lowdown

swimming in sin swimming in syrupy sweet sin swinging on the rope fifty feet over the water back flip twist and a half spin through and miss the rocks miss the rock miss the rocks spin through the lust spin through the love spin through all the cycles wash and rinse woolite baby woolite darlin' woolite sweetie-pie sweet potatoe sweet patootie

hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle and the cow jumped over the what's up pussy cat whoa oh whoa what's up pussy cat whoa oh whoa

ah sugar sugar come share a sin with me

 

Three Days in One

rainy week on the west coast and i went up and down the coast went from san francisco to portland back down to los angeles back home back back home to san francisco three cities three days three is a charm they say three strikes and you are out they say three strikes in california now and they lock you up and throw away the key for twenty-five fucking years

twenty-five fucking years they say it's a deterrent to crime they say that the death penalty is a deterrent to crime i think that money is a deterrent to crime if the dude had money he wouldn't be stealing shit if the dude had an education he wouldn't be stealing shit unless his momma was fucking the mailman while he was tied up in the kitchen chair or some sick shit like that i mean

when i used to go to singapore though there is this brass plaque on the ramp going into the terminal and on this brass plaque it says that possession of drugs is punishable by death i guess that's a fucking deterrent didn't take any weed to singapore that's for sure didn't need any midnight express shit happening didn't need any fucking caning going on unless she's wearing pointy boots and leather

twenty-five fucking years but that's old news that's old news that news baby that's been around it ain't even watercooler chat it's been superceded by survivor and bachelor and dude where's my car fucking eh

where is my fucking car wasn't really in el a i was in woodland hills which is an eighty fucking dollar cab ride from el a ex i had eighty-five in cash on me and the cab driver was no small mofo if you know what i mean sweated that one out who the fuck knew who the fuck knew

got into the hotel late meeting early the next morning ordered room service every fucking hotel seems to have the same fucking room service unless it's low end and then you're stuck with ordering from dominos down the street if they are fucking open grilled steak salad send it up my ma thirty minutes sir cool just enough time just enough time just enough time to

roll a phat one

dig

smoke da phat one

dig

dude walks in through the door carrying the tray i'm in the mood i'm in the zone i'm down with the rap yeah just put it there cool law and order on the television it's wednesday night dig sign scribble scribble dig here ya' go my good man i know i shouldn't be smoking in the non-smoking room but shit i hate those smoker's rooms they fucking smell and hey i'm only smoking a little phattie baby

do some work eat a little write a little rap fuck into the computer write a little rap fuck for some special gal maybe for some special friend maybe for some special special special thing maybe just enough to get myself all excited maybe just enough to get myself all worked up maybe just enough to do the old stroke stroke stroke

i dig it in front of the mirror

i like to masturbate while watching blind date and elimidate baby i don't go to hotel bars any longer haven't gone to hotel bars in such a long time they are only trouble they are only trouble a hotel bar and a little alcohol and that adds up to trouble baby and lord knows i've seen my share of trouble don't need no more trouble amen

smoke da phattie open my book read five pages and go to sleep pynchon is fucking killing me can't believe i committed to reading this book jesus fucking christ it's seven hundred and ninety-two pages long

mmmm i like to write the rap fuck

get up the next morning drag my sorry ass to the shower drag my sorry ass to the shower look at my ragged self in the mirror i always look so much better in the mirror at night when i'm stoned and masturbating

geeze fucking louise head down for breakfast i got bidness to attend to baby i got purpose i got reason i got i got i got to bring the world more television baby i'm dressed i got my dancin' shoes on i'm ready to buy low sell high baby

breakfast meeting pre-meeting got the team together notice the airline pilot sitting over at the next table with the stewardess several of those professional type uniforms floating about must be an airline hotel deal deal deal he gets up and walks away and her eyes follow him her eyes cover him and follow him yes indeed i love the smell of hanky panky in the morning

out in the lobby waiting for the car waiting waiting el a ok woodland hills bidness woman all dressed in black bought that blond i don't mind pointy shoes that move up to being boots dark glasses pretending to read forms reports spreadsheets shuffle shuffle hair tossed expertly to make it look like she just got fucked but she hasn't in months and she can't use being married as an excuse because i know i know i know

you just learn to read those things

she looks over her glasses at me i wink i smile she frowns i shrug my shoulders and smile again anyway because hey why not i didn't pinch her ass or anything although that may be why she frowned but i never pinch ass on the first frown sorry baby it just ain't me my momma didn't raise me that way she raised me right

i'm sure that if only she had the opportunity to just talk with me for a bit to just get to know me to just allow me to touch her hand and say darlin' i do so enjoy seeing you walking in those pointy boots you just make the neighborhood a better place to be i'm sure that she and i could work something out i mean hell

i'd even fuck her if she were republican

i love a republican fuck

i need a republican fuck

i would fuck george bush and laura bush together if given half a chance

i would i would i would

into the car bobby s driving like he's from jersey which he is which he is marky d riding up front next to him sucking the seat up his ass all of us on the phone talking shit to our respective shit receivers just having an all around good time drinking coffee like it was water and i'm in the dessert drinking coffee slamming espressos like they were shots of tequila pump me up baby pump up the volume baby pump me up

how can they possibly legalize this shit and not legalize a little kind green bud beats the fuck out me

dig i'm in the meeting we're throwing up power point slides we're walking up the board like we're mister fucking thackery like we're in fucking room two twenty-two baby we are the fucking subject matter experts digital fucking television that's what we are that's what we do we bring more and more of it to you baby

you want television

you come to us

drive drive drive back to el a ex but we're starving we're hungry nothing around don't want airport food so yeah baby we stop at where yeah we stop at fucking sizzler i've never spent one hundred and twenty dollars at sizzler before but we did only three of us must have been something to do with the

phattie

had to smoke it before we got on da plane baby had to bring this bidness to a close had to had to had to close and we did

amen

 

 

 

Babes in Toyland

ah shit ah shit ah shit

don't know how i get myself into these situations situations ah shit ah shit ah shit a need for weed i don't think so i don't think so a need for creed admittedly i am sorely crazy about that stuff it is sacred it is indeed a religion i mean i pray i pray i pray i get down on my knees i do

i accept the eucharist

of her cunt of herself of her of her dig i do

i do

i sit in the confessional of lust and horn-doggery and proclaim to all of you that i'm bona fide i'm certified i'm a participant i'm not just a voyeur i mean i appreciate a little porn every now and then i do

but there is nothing on that video screen that can match my eyelid theater baby i got fires i got embers burning the coals are stoked the grill is ready throw on the meat pittsburgh style baby i like it burned on the outside i have been burned i have been burned but

you don't get burned

unless you like to play with fire unless you take your shoes off and walk across the hot bed of coals unless unless unless

i keep a pack of matches in my pocket they are the strike anywhere type

i buy them in the large box just keep a few loose in my pocket i buy them in the large box at the safeway

i dig the grocery store we are all ourselves in the grocery store the true wiggle the true jiggle it shakes itself in the grocery store i like the suburban grocery stores the best because in the suburban grocery stores i get to walk behind the suburban housewives pushing their chrome carts full of food and toiletries

they have too much money and class to wear espadrilles but they're too fucking suburban not to

every outfit they own comes with its own gold-stitched latex panty liner because they can't fuck

and have fun

every fantasy they dream up comes in a package that looks like a band-aid and says sterile do not use if open

and when i meet them and hold their hand in mine and look them in the eye saying hello i want to say when you go home stand in front of the mirror naked and take the hand that touched mine and touch yourself until your knees tremble and you smell that foreign smell and

drip silently

on the carpet beneath then go make your husband's meatloaf but i don't and it

keeps me out of trouble one more day

 

Darwin

she's going fucking galapagos on me you know getting all darwin can't stand the competitive little shit you know

she sat in the seat behind me and i couldn't leave that alone it was going to be a long flight and i couldn't leave a comment like that to planted and stored as anonymous i turned i glanced i smiled she spoke on her cell phone frowned when our eyes met

i laughed

nervously

turned back to my book looking down keeping my head down trying to find my place

i've never cared she said california accent not valley not santa cruz not redneck mendocino not hunters point but just california accent i've never cared for the way she always seems to be where i'm going like if there were a line for tickets to some hot movie a long line you know one that crawls around the block you know and we inched our way toward the window and the tickets got low running out she would get the last one and leave me there in the fucking cold you know like in some fucking goddamn charlie brown comic strip

glanced up thought about the spot in my book the line the sentence the very word stuck on this sentence stuck on this word must've read it seventy-three times got to get past the sentence followed a quick thought-thread through my memory banks threading the needle all the way back to the eighth grade sitting in that dank classroom somewhere in butt-fuck georgia somewhere so far away i don't know if it really happened if i really lived there as a kid or if i just saw it on some old television show

that little fucker

that wanted to bounce me fom the top of the class eighth grade earth science class how something just burned in my gut and i couldn't see that happening the little fuck runninig up the hill to challenge me how the teacher can't remember her name she was one of the first black women i ever had as a teacher how the teacher would look at me with that fucking smile and how i smiled i knew

the little fuck would go down

when the time came the little classroom debate the sidebar mediation over some arcane scientific principal how of course i had come up with the most convincing argument it seemed so fucking important at the moment

my book some arcane fucking pynchon book written in colonial english erotic and violent adventures across the empire the british empire that is it being the eighteenth century mason and dixon two crazy men of the royal society

she sat next to the window me on the aisle one row up every every every fifteen minutes i would see the big redheaded redbearded fucker sitting behind me get up stand beside me stupid yellow walkman earphones half-affixed to his to his to his head and ear the other half drooping down his torso looking peeved especially on about the fifth time

every fucking fifteen every fucking fifteen minutes i'd feel the bump yank bump her hand on the back of the seat pulling herself up and over the person in the middle seat no no it's much easier if i just climb over you sorry sorry careful excuse me sorry sorry i looked up head back once just in time to have her nice little breasts float over my head bent over the seat like a blond shadow

my eyes smack dab in the middle of heavenly globes

she paused for a minute my mind exploding in a bout of midflight horniness she continuing me smiling losing my place in the fucking book again

five six maybe seven times

i hate trips that begin on a sunday fucking evening sure i had the weekend but it fucks up the sunday knowing i gotta go fucks up the sunday anyway fucks my swim fucks my religion fucks my rituals

tiny fucking plane seats close together narrow aisle maybe it's just my ass getting bigger hundreds of smelly people me among them on their way to san francisco everyone carries cool like a garment bag on this flight just the right modicum of cool when they go to san francisco or new york black dominates the puny pastels that cling to suburban hopes

and black tolerates the asian dayglo  but the evident irritation lingers like a bottle of glue stinging the eyes black leather black cotton black eyeliner black beans black expressions except there are really not black people going to san francisco

no movie

the chemical smell of the bathroom injected blue into the cabin blue odor permeated the area in brief broad wafts each time the bathroom door opened and closed i nodded and bobbed my head to fight the drowsiness afraid that if i fell asleep the gradual release of acrid elements into the closed environment would drive my end the possibility of my pathetic existence ending through an embarrassing death at the hands of chemical suffocation in a shitty economy class seat was just too much just too fucking much i folded my book and stood up stretched namaste

nice belly thanks for allowing us this moment she said glancing over the seat and catching me in midstretch my traveler's gut open to one and all but apparently drawing only her attention i looked around just to see but everyone else was truly uninterested everyone else intent on meditating upon their own navels i looked around and then back to my new admirer

i said winking i said darlin' the sugar has to rest somewhere don't you know she laughs i like that i like to make them laugh it makes me feel good that she laughs she laughs a real laugh girl laugh not a giggle a real laugh it's so easy to make the young one's laugh when they find you older and non-threatening

the fat guy on the aisle glanced up the tinny bass tap-tapping from the skinny headphones glanced up from his stereo review magazine his look of no expression evolved into one of mild irritation evolved just as quickly into no expression eyes returned to the shiny pages of the zine geeze philes irritate me i don't care if they are audiophiles videophiles pornophiles all the same

she irritated me not in the least she smiled hand through her hair cute little perky tits with all the proper jiggle factors demonstrated through the thin t-shirt-like blouse black blouse with a hint of red brassiers sexy very sexy

blue hair and silver nosering very sexy

this year i am finishing my forty-fourth beginning my forty-fifth cycle on the precipice of becoming a dirty old man i think i'm going to be good at it life behind looks as long as the life ahead and me trapped here floating on this sea of air in a big metal tube with seats resorting to the act of flirting with a precocious woman half my age

jesus fucking christ

she returned to her headphones and looked out the window at the clouds she managed to slide her nice little tits across the back of my seat two more times before the plane landed fuck you you readheaded fat man thank you jesus for these lovely little tits

finally san francisco home again home again jiggety-jig i manage to drag my bag from the overhead grab my backpack from the seat and head up the long crowded aisle out the door and into the closest bathroom

ah sweet relief

 

True Crime

someone shot me last night

no fucking kidding i was walking down bryant street near twenty-second walking with my oldest kid and his buddy we were going to step in and get burritos the carnitas is the best there they fry it in a black iron skillet right there in front of you great salsa with that kick that you feel in the morning walking down bryant street near twenty-second dark early evening around seven-thirty maybe closer to

eight

as of last night i had not been swimming in three weeks the longest i've been without swimming in years my sanity had begun to escape me i mean i even began humming a gordon lightfoot song for god's sake how did that get into my brain maybe that's why the fucker shot at me who knows but i remembered the thoughts of the water ebbing and flowing through my weakened soul

no fucking kidding no fucking kidding the water felt good this morning my leg still ached a bit and when i parked and walked down to aquatic park i saw policemen right out of see-es-eye baby yellow police tape blocking off the entire road from the sea scout building to the pier that circled around little yellow little yellow little yellow plastic signboards with numbers emblazoned one two three but lots of them ten twenty

official motherfucker bending down taking pictures of the little yellow thingies where was he last night i got shot fucker didn't show up this morning early this morning a bunch of cambodians that didn't like another bunch of cambodians decided that the pier served the purpose served it up right to lay down on each other

bang bang bang

we swam out to the opening first time in three weeks water only fifty-two but three weeks time and your body forgets almost swam out to the opening and a police boat floated by we swam in the opposite direction decided to do an outside-outside police boat floated on around it hung there for a while a couple of coast guard boats came and hung there for a while

i walked down bryant street last night

swam this morning four cambodians went to the hospital one of them got shot in the stomach i talked to one of the guys in the sauna he's a homocide detective he once told me that the different gang member all held their pistols differently when they shot someone he went through all the poses the brothers like to do the sideways thing like in the movies the asians like to point and shoot very cold as do the irish and russians the hispanics down in the mission are the most passionate

they have to talk to you when they shoot you i guess cambodians qualify as asian i wonder if mj got it right they say one of them jumped into the water right into the water early in the morning still dark don't know if that's who the official boats trolled for maybe they only trolled for weaponry see-es-eye being there in full force don't you know we swam in the opposite direction but last night

i walked down bryant street

and i heard a pop then i felt a pop and the darkness swirled all about and a few streetlights tossed their spots carelessly about and i felt a sting and i reached down on my thigh inside my thigh just above the knee i reached down and shit i felt slimy shit gunky shit funky shit and my first thought gotta admit my first thought i'm thinking shit someone fucking shot me

my son pointed up at an open window

and then i walked into the light and i figured out that the gunky funky stuff stained yellow man blood my blood ain't yellow i'm pretty sure my blood ain't yellow oldest son says fucking paintball gun someone shot you with a fucking paintball

then i'm pissed fuck shit i can't believe someone fucking shot me with a goddamn paintball man those things fucking sting can't fucking believe it can't fucking believe it we walk on into the taqueria i'm still saying i can't fucking believe it i can't fucking believe someone fucking shot me with a paintball gun my kid and his buddy are looking down they don't want to laugh i'm pissed i whip out my cell phone fuckers

i call the cops four one one non-emergency they ask if i need an ambulance i tell them i don't need a fucking ambulance they shot me with a fucking paintball for chrissakes i don't need an ambulance i just need a little satisfaction i just a little neighborhood justice fuckers they really frown on us taking out our own justice fuckers can't just go burn down the building they frown upon such activities

cops say just hang out and we'll send a car they asked for my cell phone number i give it to them they are so budget strapped they probably sold it to telemarketers because they didn't call me back

we sit down and have a great burrito shoot the shit for a while oldest son has started an ultimate club at school he's into it i used to be big-time ultimate player no shit played in the nationals once played in the worlds once he asked me to help coach i'm flattered he doesn't ask for much maybe he's being nice since i got so pissed when

i got shot

not like those guys down at the pier they got shot i swam the next day after i got shot one of them swam the same morning he got shot don't think he meant to swim we had a great swim me and my man p we did the saturday morning ritual we swam we did the sauna thing we did the rooftop thing we did the coffee thing dig i don't think that the cambodian dude did the saturday morning ritual thing

just worked out that way

cops never showed up for the paintball shooting no fucking see-es-eye showed up no little yellow thingies with numbers perched above the yellow-orange fragments from the paintball shell that lay on the sidewalk

just worked out that way got a good burrito out of the whole thing don't think the cambodian dudes got a good burrito out of their deal they probably got a few stitches and a cop sitting outside the room

just worked out that way

just worked out that way

 

The River's Edge

"As if we're Lodgers inside someone else's Fate, whilst belonging quite someplace else."
--  Jeremiah Dixon, Mason & Dixon by Thomas Pynchon

sometimes floating through sometimes floating on sometimes sometimes yes you know all the little

fishies

all the little catfish and gar and bream oh blackwater looks thick as oil drinks thinner than weak lipton tea cypress knees peeking out along the edge like some scraggly stairway up into the swampy darkness cypress arms reaching over and touching their sisters across the river

patches gardens of spanish moss hanging housing thousands of invisible fucking chiggers just waiting to drop just waiting to bury their snapping jaws into your sweet translucent white ass hanging  shadows rippling shadows casting fleeting shadows can't find the snakes the fat ugly mocassins can't find the fucking cotton mouths can't find them among the the sticks and branches and twigs and broomsticks

floating moving bobbing

in skimmed molasses can't find them can't find them can't find them lawdy lawdy the old hag says the old lady who lives back in the cedar grove she says they can't bite you when they're swimming but i ain't ever seen her down by the river i ain't ever seen her wrinkled white ass dipping itself in the blackness i ain't i ain't and the dragon flies

flit flutter and flake

on down into the still spots in the bend feasting on love's larvae love's larvae that ignorantly skates between bullfrog tongues and spiders

singing singing sinning sunning in spots

mamma gator and daddy gator and wally gator the swingingest alligator in the swamp all half way up on the banks staring at the rusting couple of empty cans of budweiser wedged crumpled into the clump of ferns growing in the sand surviving in the sand hanging on the bank chilling on the bank making it on the bank

slide slide slide slip and slide into the liquid blackness into the oily suwanee way down upon the suwanee way down upon the suwanee way way down upon the suwanee

grew up on the withlacootchie which flows into the suwanee which flows from the okefenoke and then flows to the gulf of mexico around white springs way way down the withlacootchie spinning around blue springs spinning around peacock slough grew up on the river black water black water

black water boiling water boiling water hot water

i lived i loved i lived i loved on the river in the river atop the river beside the river swimming with the critters swimming with the reptiles crows sitting in the cypress trees telling everyone that will listen all about insanity preaching craziness praying for our lost cracker souls pussy is sly pussy will stab you in the back pussy willows growing near the weeping willows

must just have been a coincidence

i followed the river to the gulf and she set me free i followed the river to the end and she set me free i followed the river until she disappeared and she set me free